Do I send him, or not. Confused.

[Evilwater]

Yes I know I've put this on chat, but I need help.
I left my ex this time last year, he has my Ds 4 hours a week. Every so often he has my DS for a whole day. Saturday was such a day, and it has been a nightmare.

I dropped off my son, at 9 and it was arranged to pick him up at 5:30. A message was sent to my phone at 4:30 saying "Ds is asking for you". I didn't receive the message till 5 when I was at the shops. My phone signal is weak at my house.
I arrived there as quick as I could to find, DS couldn't weight bear on his left leg. Apparently he jumped off the 'big boy' side of a soft play. Ex didn't really know anything. I asked him if DS as had any calpol, but no. Nothing.

I came home, and gave him paracetamol straight away, it seemed to have no effect. So I phoned and they said it would be good to get him checked out at a minor injuries unit. The closest one is A and E.

I was Not, happy.
It turns out that Ds has a spiral fracture of his leg. (The big bone) his leg is in a short term cast.

DS is supposed to go to ex as part of the agreement, for two hours. I don't want him to go, but I don't want to seem BU.
So do I let him so?

My nine month old fractured her tibia while I was standing right next to her. She wasn't yet walking and didn't react as if she had injured herself (cried briefly then went quiet) and dh was convinced nothing was wrong. Only my gut instinct told me to check it out and eventually we discovered it was a fracture - only after leaving a and e after three hours because she was tired and we were sure she was ok... We did return later when we realised! Dh and I both felt- and still feel- unbelievably guilty about it, not just that it happened but that we didn't deal with it urgently.
I guess my point is that these things can be really hard to miss but if your instinct is shouting at you then you should definitely listen. I'd be getting advice from somewhere and keeping your ds close for now

Could you suggest dad come to visit at your place for two hours so ds still gets to relax at home with mum, and contact still goes ahead? Depends on your relationship with him of course, and comfort of being in your home.

needsasock - yes, I can see there could be a fine line, & from the professional stand point you need to lean to the side of caution, but to be fair, XP did call/text OP when they got home so probably was looking for support, OP then took him home in turn & not directly to A&E, You know how it is, maybe its a bruise, maybe a sprain, after a drink & a biscuit or sleep things will probably be OK.
Most Men just aren't as finely tuned as the mother, (I will now get Hung drawn & quartered !)
So as I said, maybe there is bad feeling between the parents, but you don't call in SS for child abuse, over a fall in the park.
Loads of times my H has bought one of the kids in with some sort of cut, or after a fall looking -gormless- bemused & not really knowing if it needs a kiss or a plaster cast !

The hospital should be referring on it is part of their job.And yes you do refer when a accident is likely to have been caused by parenting issues.more so when the attending parent has no knowledge of the incident

Children's services are not punitive they are a support service.

He sent her a txt offering no information about a accident, the dad didn't really know much at all about how it had happened and appeared to have taken no steps to make the child comfortable. All the op was told was he jumped off a slide at soft play. Its not unreasonable that she wanted to asses the pain situation before racing off to hospital as she had only vague info about what had happened. There is a background of domestic abuse and contact is minimal. It is highly likely dad needs support.

If I had taken a referral like this it would be responded to and a visit would be made

Absolutely appalled that the usual suspects have jumped on this thread to cast aspersions of abuse with absolutely minimal evidence to that effect

If it's not bad enough the same people screaming 'ltb he or she is cheating' because someone was 40 minutes late in replying to a text, I'm afraid this has reached a new low

I'm not saying heads should be buried in the sand where there are red flags, but just read your posts back, can you not add some level of caveat rather than pointing fingers

Only real fault I can see (based on the evidence presented) is that he may have been slow to seek medical attention. That being said I know a GP who's son broke an arm and it wasn't diagnosed for 24 hours, some breaks can feel like a nasty sprain for a few hours until swelling starts to tighten things