AIBU to say no to PIL taking DS abroad?

[ACardiganForCat]

Today at lunch FIL asked whether they could take DS to Kenya next Christmas (FIL was born there and some of his family still live out there). I said I didn't want to go away for xmas so he suggested New Year. I said I'm not comfortable with it because it's not that safe. The place they have a holiday home backs right on to the beach, no gate or anything, anyone could walk in or out and in the city there are all sorts of risks.

Next year DS will be 3. I sort of feel like I am denying that side of the family from spending time with them. The idea of him going there full stop really upsets me but there's no way I could cope with him going without me. They are great GPs but I just think it's unsafe. AIBU?

Next year we will have a baby too so I don't really want to travel a long distance. I've been before and don't really enjoy the climate etc, I think we will go again in a few years, but not until the children are a little bit older and more sensible and can follow instructions (does that ever happen?).

YANBU. You go too?

I wouldn't agree to my three year old going abroad with GP, let alone Kenya.

The interest if the child trumps all discussion. A small child really won't be happy away from primary Carers (assuming your GP aren't pc's?) especially abroad.

No till he's 11 or you go as well would be my take on it

Not unreasonable. Kenya is a hell of a long way.

Reasonable to say you will all go in 3-4 years time.

What does OH think?

No, then, YANBU. I loved my pil and if they livedabroad or had connections abroad I'd move heaven and earth to explore that as a family. But my DC wouldn't go off on their own.

Yanbu.

Waiting a few years makes much more sense.

No no - YANBU at all. Kenya isn't safe at the moment - that's an undeniable fact. Al-Shabab operate in many coastal areas and their only concern is whether someone can recite from the Qu'ran or not. I wouldn't let my son go and I wouldn't go myself unless it was to a resort with pretty much guaranteed 24 hr security. If that's precious so be it.

A 3 year old going away without his parents abroad? YANBU! Your PIL are bonkers.

OH agrees with me.
GPs have him once a week and are great with him but another reason I think it's a bad idea is that I don't think they've thought through the stress of plane journey, long travel, entertaining child, not letting child fall in pool/eat snakes, dealing with child's upset stomach, constantly putting sunblock on unwilling child etc etc for 2 weeks or whatever.

Also, if it's relevant to the security question, DS looks white, although DH and PILs are asian.

YANBU. I have been to Kenya and it is beautiful. There is no way I would let PILS take my 3 year old anywhere abroad let alone Kenya.

Just say no OP.

OP - here's my tip.

If you are not 100% in favour of something either say 'no' or if you don't want to appear too opinionated say 'We'll see'.

Me, I prefer opinionated but that's just me.

Kenya is a high-risk malaria area, as I expect you know. There are also quite a number of other diseases endemic there, eg cholera, dengue, and yellow fevers, meningitis for example. And def not safe at the moment either. I wouldn't let him go. YANBU.

At three he won't get anything from it and will not be used to the heat. YANBU. Maybe when he is 11 or so?

Yanbu.

Too much for a three year old IMO.

Your child your rules

I wouldn't have let my PIL take mine on holiday abroad at 3 without me being there as well

This would be a very bad idea for so many reasons.

Makes me feel quite shivery even to think of it.

YA most definitely NBU not to want him to go. Can't imagine what PIL are thinking.

YANBU
For the reasons listed above. Also having a child once a week is not the same as having him 24/7 for a week or two. Do your PIL have him overnight? Even so, it will always be at their home so your DS is familiar with the environment.

How is your relation /your DH relationship with you PIL? Are you expected to just say yes? Actually, whether you are expected or not, if you really don't want DS to go, follow your instinct.

I wouldn't want anyone taking my dd away for 2 weeks anywhere. 3 is to young for him to understand the significance of the visit or get anything out of it. He probably won't even remember it when he gets older. For him it will just be a long and exhausting journey and 2 weeks in a strange place away for from mum and dad.

A 3yo is unlikely to enjoy being away from his parents, let alone at a time of upheaval - he might even feel like he's being shoved out in favour of his new sibling. He's also unlikely to remember anything about it.

Why don't you suggest they have him for a weekend at their house and save to take the entire family when both (or all if you're planning more?) children are old enough to really enjoy and appreciate the experience?

No way . THree years old!! Bonkers.

I can't belive anyone thinks you are unreasonable. Your not comfortable with it - end of. Doesn't matter if it's Disneyland or Kenya.

I'd say no too. It's not exactly a weekend in Paris via Eurostar type of trip...

PIL do have him overnight but yes, it's in their home and he is used to it. In my mind the list of reasons for him to not go even WITH me is huge, without me is just a massive nono.

FIL probably doesn't see it in the same way as me though because he grew up there. He will see it as me being fussy because they are perfectly capable. I think also sometimes they forget that they are GPs, not his parents and that he is just as attached to them as he is to us, which I disagree with.