AIBU to say no to PIL taking DS abroad?

[ACardiganForCat]

Today at lunch FIL asked whether they could take DS to Kenya next Christmas (FIL was born there and some of his family still live out there). I said I didn't want to go away for xmas so he suggested New Year. I said I'm not comfortable with it because it's not that safe. The place they have a holiday home backs right on to the beach, no gate or anything, anyone could walk in or out and in the city there are all sorts of risks.

Next year DS will be 3. I sort of feel like I am denying that side of the family from spending time with them. The idea of him going there full stop really upsets me but there's no way I could cope with him going without me. They are great GPs but I just think it's unsafe. AIBU?

There has just been an appalling massacre of bus paS's angers. Nor too long ago was the terrorist attack on the Westgate mall. 68 dead in that one.
Not a fucking chance.

Hardly relevant to ops situation talkin

slithy
Utterly relevant as my grandparents used to take me on holiday from their houses without checking with my mum
as did my dad

she trusted them

its sad that there is so little trust now

Three is a tad young for that sort of travel. However don't wait years and years to let him go.
I began travelling with my grandparents age four (I had my fifth birthday in Thailand - the hotel concierge gave me a present too very precocious child I was ). From then to age nine I travelled all over a South East Asia, the UK and Europe. It really was an amazing experience.

No way would I have let them do this.
A great idea to go as a family when you are ready.
Your dc are not your pils they are yours.
Stand firm and just say no.

No, it's too long plus if you have a new baby it will upset your ds even more to be removed from you.

Just say no, and as you dh agrees with you, let him deal with it.

There's always skype.

And apart from the worrying security situation, the road accident death rate is sky-high compared to the UK.

I could never ever live with myself for handing over my child to go so far away from me at three if something happened.

There is no way. I couldn't do it the child either and and I think to even ask such a thing...is quite selfish.

To Kenya? Having just had a new baby? At 3?

That was to talkin

If im honest, I don't think much of a parent who would willingly wave their 3 year old off to Kenya for Christmas while they sat at home with a new baby.

My DD1 went to France for 3 weeks with my parents and grandparents at her own request when she was 3 1/2. DC3 was born while she was away.

BUT Kenya isn't at all safe ATM (I was just saying to DS yesterday what a shame it was we probably won't ever be able to go there again), plus we had to have a ton of injections and anti-malarials. I wouldn't take my own child there, let alone a GC.

He is 3 so yanbu! I wouldn't be happy for my son to go to Kenya without me at any age though would love us all to return as a family one day. I might let my son's dgps take him to disneyland Paris at that kind of age but no further and for no longer than 2/3 days.

Some children may remember, but many won't. We moved from the UK when our children were six and sevenish and they remember very little, had culture shock on visiting only a few years later. I have no vivid memories before the age of five or so and think that's fairly typical.

I agree with the majority, your ds is too little, would appreciate it much more in a few years time and now is probably not the best time to be visiting Kenya. Plus most importantly neither you nor his dad want him to go.

Nope, no way, no no no.

YANBU. Stick with Skype and reassess when he is older.

I'm glad, in the long term that one of my parents moved permanently abroad - 3000 miles - with me when I was 2

I moved all over the world as a child. Still not sure what it has to do with the OP's situation though.

I think three is too young for a child to go abroad without his parents, especially somewhere so far.

YABU unreasonable about Kenya at the moment. I'm sure it is beautiful but it is not currently the safest place to go. Why risk it?

its so sad that MN posters assume against such trips

If by 'such trips' you mean ones where the DGPs take PFB away fro four days on a bucket and spade holiday to Devon, or even a week in Spain at a push, I'd agree with you.

But we are talking about a three year old going on a long haul flight to another continent for two weeks or more, to a country which is currently suffering from political instability and a high risk of terrorist attack or violent crime, kidnapping etc, not to mention all the health risks.

And I completely disagree that a child of three is going to remember enough about it to make it an especially valuable cultural experience when they look back in say, 20 years time.

I have only the vaguest snapshot recollections of anything before the age of about seven or eight. Before that most memories are so woolly as to be irrelevant.

Absolutely no way could I bear to do this. As many have mentioned, the multitude of risks are too high particularly coupled with the fact that you wouldn't be there to help him if / when he needed you. And all this for very little benefit for him.

The only people who would benefit in my mind would be the gp.

On another level, I absolutely couldn't bear to be away from ds for that long no matter what the reason but that's a personal view.

YANBU, say no or they will also expect this to become the new norm.