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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

4yr olds in pushchairs

383 replies

SEH23 · 17/11/2014 15:55

aaaaahhh!!! i made my annual trip into the town shopping centre for christmas shopping today with my 5 month old DD.

LIFTS!! wow i hate them more than ever. waiting alongside 4 other pushchairs and then the mom with her 3-4yr old in pushchair pushes infront of me... WHAT?!?

a) wait your fucking turn
b) do you really need a buggy for children that old?

i hate my pushchair and can't wait for my DD to start walking so i can leave it behind. absolutely acknowledge shopping centres are busy etc but this child looked miserable, had a dummy stuck in his mouth and could be on reigns? surely?

OP posts:
TheIronGnome · 17/11/2014 15:57

I hope you've got your flame proof suit on op...

mummymeister · 17/11/2014 15:57

oh dear this might not go well. there are some exceptions where the child whatever age finds walking difficult. they don't wear a label or a badge so you have no idea if this is one of them or not. wait your turn by all means but don't judge whether a buggy is needed purely on the age of the child.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/11/2014 15:57

a) you're NBU
b) YABU

My 3 year old looks like she's at least 5. At 2, she looked 3-4.

Shakirasma · 17/11/2014 15:58

YABU. Of course the mum shouldn't have pushed in, but you know nothing about her child's age, maturity, abilities or disabilities.

You look after your child your way and mind your own business about how other people look after theirs.

Sn00p4d · 17/11/2014 15:58

As much as I don't want to be this person, are you sure the child didn't have additional support needs? I teach in the asn sector and a few of my children are in pushchairs at 5+
Sometimes there are very legitimate reasons for older children to be in pushchairs. Never an excuse for rudeness though!x

divingoffthebalcony · 17/11/2014 15:59

You don't know the child was 3-4 years old. I had a very tall 2.5 year old who people thought was starting school that year.

WinterKisses · 17/11/2014 16:00

A) YANBU

B) You're unaware of the reasons why their child is in a pushchair. I have a 3 year old who NEEDS a pushchair for reasons that I am not listing on here for judgemental people like yourself to prove that you're wrong.

Baby carrier next time?

Annabel7 · 17/11/2014 16:01

Some kids still need them if you are out for a long period of time. My son is 4, has low muscle tone so still uses the buggy from time to time. Other parents may not relish chasing a toddler around the aisles if they have limited time. Maybe you should bear in mind that you know nothing about the kids you are encountering or shop at a less busy time to stop you getting so disproportionately riled.

CantBeBotheredThinking · 17/11/2014 16:02

a) yanbu, don't know what has happened to manners these days.

b) yabu, I was out in the city on Saturday for starters it's a long journey made worse due to bus replacement on the rail line. I was out of the house for the best part of 13 hours so yes my just turned 3 yo needed her pushchair to get through the day she is another tall child who looks a lot older and I promise I didn't push in front of anyone in lifts.

MrsMaker83 · 17/11/2014 16:03

If there are no SEN, disabilities, issues walking etc etc, and its purely because parents cant be bothered to deal with child not keeping up, then i think its unkind to keep a perfectly active and healthy child in a buggy.

You cant always tell if there are issues though so you shouldn't judge.

FelixTitling · 17/11/2014 16:03

Yabu about the pushing in.

Good luck with the other thing (cos walking to tesco and back with a 2 year old and shopping is loads of fun) Hmm

WinnieTheBitch · 17/11/2014 16:03

They could be a bolter
They could have issues with their legs/ankles/feet
They could of just woken up as sleep in the buggy
They could be a tall two year old
They may be slightly unwell
So yes YABU

I look after a very tall just 3 year old (lots at least 4) he also sleeps in buggy and we need to walk a very long way for him in a short amount of time so we do use the buggy - equally if I have alot of shopping j will use it as not possible to carry shopping and get him to hold hands too.

EdYouKateShaun · 17/11/2014 16:04

Is this your first child? If so be prepared to feel really bad about making this judgement. You know nothing about this mother and her child. Perhaps the child had been ill and is very tired. Perhaps the child isn't great at walking long distances. Perhaps the child had hip displaysia and is just out of casts. Perhaps the child hates shopping and putting them in the buggy is the only way the mother can get anything done.

If you hate lifts, gets a sling.

sleeponeday · 17/11/2014 16:04

Honestly, wait until your child is that old. Reins are a PITA if the child doesn't like them, and frankly walking anywhere with a toddler is herding cats. Mine hated walking and would have spectacular meltdowns, and toddlers also walk incredibly slowly and inspect everything they pass. He was out of the buggy by three, yes, or at least before he was four, but he was also huge and might well have been mistaken for smaller. And I have friends who still used theirs. We live in a village, and it was easier to walk the kids to the shops and back with a buggy, even if they walked some of the time.

A lot of people are certain they would never do and will never do X until they're in that situation. And for all you know, she has no car so needed the buggy to get the child in town and around town for the day. Little legs can't walk miles.

GreatJoanUmber · 17/11/2014 16:05

I can see both sides here. On one hand, I'm a firm believer in letting them walk, so gradually fewer and fewer pushchair rides after they start walking, and by 2.5 they're usually walking "full time". I think if you never let them walk, they'll never build up the stamina, or learn to stay with you/ road safety etc.
On the other hand, there are children who physically can't walk for long. Also, when you only have one young child, it's almost impossible to guess the age of older children (at least it was for me - looking at 2yos, they could have been going to school for all I knew!). Finally, especially if you wanted to actually get some shopping done in a crowded shopping centre, it's so much easier to have them contained in a pushchair! Rather than chasing them all through the aisles whilst trying to look for whatever it is you wanted to buy.
So, YANBU AND YABU.

crazykat · 17/11/2014 16:05

YANBU about the queue jumping. Or the dummy to an extent as they damage teeth and can delay speech.

YABU assuming the child was 3/4 and assuming there was no physical reason for them being in a pushchair.

My just turned 2 year old looks like he's at least 3 years old. So the child could be a lot younger than you thought. Even if they were, I know a few kids that age who would have trouble walking round a busy shopping centre, they'd either get tired half way round and whine/tantrum or they'd be darting off and getting lost/in other people's way.

sleeponeday · 17/11/2014 16:06

Mistaken for older, sorry. (He's been on the 95th centile since he was 6 months old, height and weight both perfectly tracking that line. He's taller than most of the kids in the year above him, being an autumn baby.)

DoughnutSelfie · 17/11/2014 16:07

Yes ofc rude to push in

The rest of it, what they all said

If you thought his dummy was stuck in his mouth that's a bit worrying

NotYouNaanBread · 17/11/2014 16:07

My 3.5 year old started almost full time nursery this year, but she finishes at 12 twice a week and my Dad picks her up with the pram because she falls asleep almost immediately in it. It's handy, because she's still quite little to be in nursery 5 days without any naps.

Won't continue it after Christmas, I imagine.

So, YABU.

EdYouKateShaun · 17/11/2014 16:07

Is this your first child? If so be prepared to feel bad about being so judgemental. Your child will embarrass you / not do things according to your plan.

There are so many reasons why a 4yo might be in a buggy: recovering from an illness, hip displaysia and just out of casts, can't walk long distances, needed a nap. You know nothing about them.

If you hate lifts - get a sling.

FlossyMoo · 17/11/2014 16:08

YABU.

The women should not have pushed in but frankly the age of her child using a pushchair is no concern of yours.

Minisoksmakehardwork · 17/11/2014 16:09

If you hate your pushchair, get a sling of some description. Solves your problem.

As for the child being 3-4, I know a boy born on the 29th August. He has just turned 3. But he is easily taller than the vast majority of reception class and is taller than some of the 5y olds in year 1. He's certainly taller than my 4yo. However, when you watch him walk and interact it is clear he is not as old as he appears. You wouldn't get that view from him sitting in a buggy so yabvu.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 17/11/2014 16:09

Oh dear op.

I couldn't drive till first dd was 5 so that meant pushchair.
no way i could carry all our shopping the few miles it took me to walk to town and no way did i have to time to walk at her pace for the whole journey.

Its also hard to judge ages, my toddler is over 2 and some one said the other day they didnt look big enough to be walking Confused.

When you have cars to supplement the buggy or live close to amenities life is so much easier.

unless you know their circs....stop judging, my DD would have walked far more than most...and yet you would see her in a buggy and judge.

RandallFloyd · 17/11/2014 16:09

So you see an apparently 4 year old in a pushchair, using a dummy, and it doesn't for a second occur to you that there may be a reason?

It's advisable to look further than the end of your nose every now and then.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 17/11/2014 16:11

WinnieTheBitch Mon 17-Nov-14 16:03:43 and all of winnies list.

I had two friends were always judging older children in buggies untol i gently pointed out maybe like me they did not have cars unlike them, who drove everywhere and made children walk short journeys only

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