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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take my DD trick or treating?

84 replies

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 29/10/2014 16:58

I suffer with anxiety and the thought of turning up at random peoples houses and asking for sweets freaks me out. I know its shitty that my DD will miss out, but I was thinking of hiding treats around the house for her to hunt for instead.

Does this sound incredibly shitty? Should I just suck it up and face my fear?

MN jury, opinions please!

OP posts:
amyhamster · 29/10/2014 16:59

We don't bother
My mum never let us as she said it was begging
We always eat halloweeny food though & my two have been to Halloween parties in the past

squoosh · 29/10/2014 17:02

YANBU.

Don't bring her if it's going to cause you anxiety. When she's a bit older she go around in a gang of friends without the need for a parental chaperone.

Halloween fun at home sounds great.

gentlehoney · 29/10/2014 17:02

If it is a regular thing and they are looking forward to it you should brave it out or get someone else to take them.
Otherwise do whatever you like. They certainly wont suffer from missing out. I imagine that most people don't go to strangers doors.

usualsuspect333 · 29/10/2014 17:03

Would you be happy to just take her in your street? If the houses have halloween decorations up they are happy for you to knock.

Or will she be happy to dress up and hand out sweets to trick or treaters who knock at yours?

OddBoots · 29/10/2014 17:06

YANBU, it's not something everyone does, in fact I think most people don't do it so she's not missing out.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/10/2014 17:06

I never went trick or treating as a youngster, mum thought it was begging. Like you I do t fancy knocking on random strangers houses either. Why not dress up as we do and hand out sweets to the trick or treaters or have a little Halloween party for a few if dd friends.

ArabellaTarantella · 29/10/2014 17:06

She will pick up on your anxiety, and I'm sure you don't want that. Just take a deep breath and take her out.

How old is she? Will she realise she is being left out?

MummyBeerest · 29/10/2014 17:06

Yanbu.

If she really wants to go, can someone else (family, friends) take her?

Doing something at home sounds fine though, too.

Redhead11 · 29/10/2014 17:08

My two never went and I certainly wasn't allowed to do it when I was a kid, but back in the dark ages, Halloween wasn't a big thing.

Original poster
puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 29/10/2014 17:09

usual we are new to this area so I would feel uncomfortable knocking on their doors. The area we used to live in didn't real 'do' trick or treating as it was mostly elderly people.

She has only ever done it once when she was at my mums, but my mum lives on a family estate where we know most of the people. I think I would feel ok doing it there, but not where I live. My mum is away and lives about 300 miles away, so that isn't an option this year.

I was thinking of doing a trail in the morning, then she is going out with her friend for the day to do some halloween activities whilst I'm at work, then I was going to take her to an event on the evening.

OP posts:
Millipedewithherfeetup · 29/10/2014 17:10

Depending on how much she is looking forward to it ? If you,ve promised then yes it is a bit unfair, if not then the dresing up and giving out sweets will be ok. What age is your dd ?

Original poster
puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 29/10/2014 17:10

She has just turned 6

OP posts:
springlamb · 29/10/2014 17:11

Are you likely to get callers if you stay in (and will that be ok for you?).
After all, SOMEONE has to stay in, otherwise what's the point of anybody trick or treating if all the houses are no answers.
Yes, do a little treasure hunt, make up some rhymes to lead her around, have some spooky food and treats, watch Casper, do a little spooky playlist on YouTube (Monster Mash, Purple People Eater, Ghostbusters).
Get yourself a hat or a mask and suddenly appear in it.

Original poster
puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 29/10/2014 17:11

She asked the other day and I said no, so I haven't given her any mixed messages. She hasn't asked since, but can't help but feel a bit shite about it.

We always went when we were kids, but there was a few of us, and we knew the people we were treating on.

OP posts:
specialsubject · 29/10/2014 17:13

I imagine that there are plenty of other festivals that you don't celebrate, so don't do this one. Unless you are a Pagan, a Scot or an American, that is. And even if you are, it isn't compulsory!

Original poster
puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 29/10/2014 17:14

This sounds bloody awful, but on halloween I generally leave the house or sit in the dark and pretend I'm not home. Ive been doing this since I was about 16. The whole idea of the night makes me uncomfortable and anxious.

I don't like my doorbell ringing, and very rarely answer the door unless I know someone is coming round or I have a package waiting to be delivered.

spring I was thinking of doing things along the lines of what you have said minus the staying in Grin

OP posts:
ArabellaTarantella · 29/10/2014 17:14

What do you think will happen? If people have decorated the outside of their house they are hardly likely to shout at you or run you off the premises, are they? They have decorated to let people actually KNOW they are joining in the fun.

Timeforabiscuit · 29/10/2014 17:15

We have a Halloween trick or treat party complete with eating donuts dangling from strings, apple bobbing, marshmallow bobbing.

I feel hugely embarressed basically begging for sweets door to door (although, hypocrite that I am, I have a stash of sweets for those that call round!).

Are there any relatives she can dress up for?

WorraLiberty · 29/10/2014 17:15

YANBU to do whatever suits you

But there's usually a fun atmosphere in the streets on Halloween, so if you just stuck to the houses with pumpkins/signs making it clear you're welcome, you might actually enjoy it.

Original poster
puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 29/10/2014 17:16

It doesn't matter how 'welcoming' the house looks Arabella I still feel anxious and uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Angelface5 · 29/10/2014 17:16

She certainly won't be missing out by not knocking at strangers doors.
Where we live the children are told at schools etc not to do this. Make Halloween exciting at home with decoration,your dd dressing up and having fun with pumpkins. Instead of doing something that we teach our children not to do. Take sweeties from strangers.
We spend the whole day if not going to a party,making decoration and cupcakes and doing our pumpkins and all the kids love it.
So don't feel bad just have lots of fun other ways x x

longjane · 29/10/2014 17:17

As you have just moved in the easiest thing to do is decorated the outside of you house,door or window now so the locals see it.
Buy some sweets. Get you and daughter an outfit .
And see who turns up.

cherrybombxo · 29/10/2014 17:17

I was never allowed to go trick or treating because my mum said is was begging but I don't feel like I missed out. I waited until I was about 16/17 and just went to fancy dress parties to get drunk Grin

ArabellaTarantella · 29/10/2014 17:18

It doesn't matter how 'welcoming' the house looks Arabella I still feel anxious and uncomfortable.

Well, you've answered your own question, then, haven't you?

You either do it - and feel anxious. Or don't do it. At some point I am sure your daughter will want to join in the fun - so the sooner the better, eh?

Original poster
puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 29/10/2014 17:18

I might ask her friends mum if she is taking her kids out. I think if I had someone to go along with and didn't have to go to the door it would be ok. Going to the door makes me feel sick. I know its silly, but I can't shake it.

I do think she will enjoy the event, although its not strictly halloween themed, there will be a lot of people and things going on so it might distract her.

OP posts: