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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not take my DD trick or treating?

84 replies

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 29/10/2014 16:58

I suffer with anxiety and the thought of turning up at random peoples houses and asking for sweets freaks me out. I know its shitty that my DD will miss out, but I was thinking of hiding treats around the house for her to hunt for instead.

Does this sound incredibly shitty? Should I just suck it up and face my fear?

MN jury, opinions please!

OP posts:

TheGonnaghoul · 29/10/2014 17:19

We don't do trick or treating. We do halloween, dressing up, spooky lanterns and give sweets to those that trick or treat in our road, but it's not on my agenda. Dd will just have to deal with it as she grows up.

ArabellaTarantella · 29/10/2014 17:19

Anyone else playing Halloween Bingo?

We've had: religion, begging, guising, and now sweets off strangers.

Any more to come or have I got a full house?

Original poster

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 29/10/2014 17:21

She has a lovely dress that my sisters bought her for last years trick or treating (they took her, I wasn't there) so I think I'll ask her if she wants to wear that for the day. She will be doing halloween things, just maybe not trick or treating.

OP posts:

WhoKnowsWhereTheSlimeGoes · 29/10/2014 17:21

Have you got any big family estates near you, even if you don't live on one? any areas where you know your DD's friends live? Not many houses in our street do it, but there is a big estate about 1/4 mile away and it is amazing on Hallowe'en, groups of children out everywhere with parents just behind, the streets are brightly lit and houses all decorated and welcoming. Yet, if you walked past along the main road you would have no idea anything was happening. Is your DD's friend going out that evening? Could you pair up with her parents?

Pre DCs I used to sit in the house with the lights off and curtains closed, but I have embraced it now and found it really can be great fun.

Original poster

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 29/10/2014 17:25

It's strange, halloween doesn't seem to be that big around here. I never really seen that many dressed up houses. Where I am from it was massive. Everyone made an effort.

OP posts:

Dolallytats · 29/10/2014 17:27

We have never done trick or treating and my children aren't damaged in any way!!

Are you getting any help for your anxiety? Maybe you could make it a goal to slowly do things that challenge you until you are a little more comfortable and then take her next year (and I totally get where you are coming from as an agoraphobic that can't get more than a few minutes down the road. I've barely managed to take my children anywhere)

Original poster

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 29/10/2014 17:31

Dol, I have tried tablets and CBT, but neither helped. The tablets made me feel incredibly ill and I couldn't get my head round the CBT.

I do challenge myself daily as even going to work or answering the phone makes me anxious. I do see what you're are saying though I'll have a word with school friend mum and see what she is doing. Hate to say it, but if she isn't going out I don't think I will.

OP posts:

sourdrawers · 29/10/2014 18:25

YANBU at all OP. Halloween is crass, awful, vulgar, totally pointless and I loathe it. I'm hoping it will fizzle out.

usualsuspect333 · 29/10/2014 18:27

Your name is very apt,sourdrawers.

Happy36 · 29/10/2014 18:31

I think that´s fine. When she is older she can go with friends if she wants to. Can you do something Halloweeny at home together like reading a story, watching a movie or making some spooky cakes or biscuits? Perhaps even buy some sweeties and hide them around the house as a treasure hunt?

Don´t feel bad. Trick or treating is really not a "must do".

Aeroflotgirl · 29/10/2014 18:50

Bad news sour, I don't think it will

skylark2 · 29/10/2014 18:54

"I might ask her friends mum if she is taking her kids out."

I think that's an excellent idea. For a start there will be two adults, and for second if her friend's mum has lived there a bit longr than you have, she'll be knocking on the doors of people who she knows.

KnittedJimmyBoos · 29/10/2014 19:04

I dont mind trick or treatinmg I only did it as in ever two years ago, its ok once you get started.

please rememeber people are wanting people to knock, now we are into it, we buy sweets ready and we will go and do it, and leave dh at home to ansa door to others.

people are dissapointed when they only get a few knocks!
if there is a pumpkin outside knock, send your dd u the path, parents stay back! unles very very tiny,

I think you should try it once and see how you feel...I totally get your anxiousness! I was too first time, but I realise people want to enter into it - we knock, we give! I have five huge bags of sweets waiting ready to give out! Maybe to your little DD op

KnittedJimmyBoos · 29/10/2014 19:05

PS loads of parties go on, soft play local things, you could do.

BendyMum15 · 29/10/2014 19:07

We were never allowed to go trick or treating and I won't be taking my DC when they are old enough.

Original poster

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 29/10/2014 19:07

Happy the sweet hunt is what I had been planning to do.

OP posts:

KnittedJimmyBoos · 29/10/2014 19:12

I was thinking of doing a trail in the morning, then she is going out with her friend for the day to do some halloween activities whilst I'm at work, then I was going to take her to an event on the evening

This sounds like plenty to me and perhaps just to dip your toe in, you could try knocking on a few doors just to see how it feels! Then you can say you did it, even if only got one door...

KnittedJimmyBoos · 29/10/2014 19:13

WhoKnowsWhereTheSlimeGoes Wed 29-Oct-14 17:21:56

I wish people would share the good trick or treating roads, we have a few |OK toads as in lots of houses doing it but falls flat when you have to walk for ages to get one!

TheLostPelvicFloorOfPoosh · 29/10/2014 19:14

In the Poosh household, I send DS out of the back door to run round to the front, I stick my witch's hat on, he knocks on the front door and says 'Trick or Treeeeeeat!', some old witch gives him some treats and he runs round to the back door again. I take the hat off and he shows me what he's got. We can do this several times.

Well, it makes us laugh anyway

He gets to go trick or treating but there's no strangers, no weird bleeding sweets and no begging.

And yes, now that I've written that down I do realise it makes me sound a bit insane..

Coconutty · 29/10/2014 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect333 · 29/10/2014 19:24

I don't understand the 'we were never allowed to go trick or treating' posts.

What has that got to do with what you let your own kids do?

Original poster

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 29/10/2014 19:40

Poosh that is hilarious! Whatever works for you though I could do that!

I will try and find an adult to go along with, if not I might steal Poosh idea.

OP posts:

OwlinaTree · 29/10/2014 19:50

I love poosh's idea!!

TheLostPelvicFloorOfPoosh · 29/10/2014 19:54

Hooray! Not insane!

Brassrubbing · 29/10/2014 20:01

I think there are two separate issues, OP. Trick or treating isn't some compulsory rite of passage. So feel no obligation if the mere idea makes you so unhappy. But the generalised anxiety you are clearly living with daily sounds crippling, and will sooner or later impact on your daughter's life. Do persevere with some form of treatment for her sake if not your own. This Halloween isn't important, but I imagine the last thing you want is for her to lead a curtailed life because she's absorbed from you the message that many everyday activities are terrifying. Best wishes.

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