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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irritated and a bit pissed off?

66 replies

Partypooper24 · 04/09/2014 09:37

Not sure how to approach this though.

I like my job very much. Just as well because the hours are quite long and the pay is not great. My teammates are lovely people and I enjoy a certain amount of social time with them after work, maybe drinks on average once every two weeks for about an hour, and the odd work party which is a few hours in the evening.

My boss now wants us to do a team day together just for fun but at the weekend. I dont want to go to the place he wants us to go to, but more importantly don't want to give up a day on my weekend to hang out with people I spend so much time with already. I need time to myself to recharge, I want time to see my own friends, I want time where I choose exactly what I want to do.

I feel it is quite unfair to be asked to do this (and chip in money to the travel, not much but still) and am pissed off, but don't think I can say much without sounding sour and like I'm no fun and hate them all! I absolutely don't, I do like them a lot, but don't want to spend more time together.

OP posts:
picnicbasketcase · 04/09/2014 09:39

As a one off, it really doesn't sound that bad. If he wants to do this every weekend, it would be unreasonable.

Flexibilityisquay · 04/09/2014 09:41

If it just for fun, then surely you just say no thanks, I have other things I want to do that day? Is there a reason you don't feel you can say no?

Original poster
Partypooper24 · 04/09/2014 09:46

Well I feel I can't say no because then it will be obvious I don't want to hang out with them at the weekend, which will be awkward in the office then. I cant say that I'm busy on x day as he wants to find a day we're all free on.

It wouldn't be a weekly thing nor would it be a one off, he wants to do these things every month or so. I realise I am being very protective of my time off, but I feel like I really need it and get stressy at the idea of one of my days being taken up.

OP posts:
violetbunny · 04/09/2014 09:47

I agree with you, I think that's the sort of thing which should happen during your usual working week. Unless we were going somewhere amazing, I wouldn't be happy to give up time in the weekend either.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 04/09/2014 09:48

If it's for work, it should be paid and on work time, especially if it's going to be a regular thing.

exexpat · 04/09/2014 09:49

One weekend day a year for a specific team building exercise - not too unreasonable. One weekend day 'every month or so' - absolutely not. I'm sure you won't be the only one who isn't happy with the idea.

Flexibilityisquay · 04/09/2014 09:49

I don't think you are being unreasonable. You already socialise quite a lot with people you work with, so I think it is quite understandable that you don't want to give more time to it. I think you just need to be straight with your boss. Are the other people you work with keen? I certainly wouldn't want to spend an extra day a month having to do something with the people I work with, much as I like them!

MidniteScribbler · 04/09/2014 09:51

Once a year = reasonable. Once a month = not a chance in hell.

picnicbasketcase · 04/09/2014 09:51

Every month does sound like a lot in that case. Is it paid?

Heels99 · 04/09/2014 09:53

Just say, sorry I cant join you, I have a lot on at weekends.

You won't be the only one, this idea will fizzle out

WaitingForMe · 04/09/2014 10:00

I'd just say I was busy each time. If this was queried I'd say I could rearrange my weekend activities and take a day in lieu the following week to run my errands.

Original poster
Partypooper24 · 04/09/2014 10:02

Glad I'm not being totally U.

Paid, are you kidding me. WE have to pay something towards it!

The others do seem enthusiastic about it. They are genuinely a nice bunch, I enjoy my working day in their company, I enjoy a some down time in the pub with them, but I don't understand this. I just desperately need some time to myself and to see other people!

OP posts:
MrsWinnibago · 04/09/2014 10:03

YANBU. Don't go. Become ill.

Original poster
Partypooper24 · 04/09/2014 10:03

Waiting - no, he was very specific about that. He said we could think about a weekday if we were prepared to work one of our weekend days.

OP posts:
LatteLoverLovesLattes · 04/09/2014 10:08

He wants to have his Cake and eat it too - tell him to get on his Bike

No way, maybe as a one off, but as he's already said he wants to make a regular thing of it then start as you mean to go on. Just say something along the lines of 'I'm not available in the weekends, I have too much on. Sorry'.

It is one thing to choose to go out for a few drinks or whatever, it's quite another to be pressured into doing 'stuff' at the weekends.

He said we could think about a weekday if we were prepared to work one of our weekend days

This is for his (perceived) benefit. Off you fuck would be a reasonable thought on this one!!

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 04/09/2014 10:14

If it's job related, and required (or expected) for the job, it should be paid. And you should not have to pay towards it IMO.

wowfudge · 04/09/2014 10:15

If you don't feel you can say no because you have other arrangements at weekends then how about saying you have no issue with this providing 1) this team building day is paid; and 2) you get a day off in lieu for giving up half of your weekend. Have a good look at your employment terms and staff handbook too, to see if there is any mention of this kind of thing and what the arrangements are and therefore what you may have agreed to in taking the job.

Anyone who is prepared to do this for nothing and pay towards travel in order to do it is either feeling under pressure and unable to say no or nuts IMO. The travel costs should be reclaimed as expenses if you are not going to your normal place of work.

Who are these bosses who think their employees are at their beck and call like this?

CosmicDespot · 04/09/2014 10:24

"He said we could think about a weekday if we were prepared to work one of our weekend days." So, he's not prepared to do the work-related activities on work days, but wants people to pay towards them AND give up a day off per month? That's effectively giving you a pay cut, isn't it? Less money and more hours at his behest.

Nope.

stripedtortoise · 04/09/2014 10:26

Do you have children? Say you don't have any childcare at weekends.

I'm the same as you. I like my colleagues, they're very nice and we get on, but my weekends are for when I don't work or see people from work. Team building days should be taken out of normal work days.

Topaz25 · 04/09/2014 11:31

If it's just for fun then you should be free to say no. If it's insisted on for your job then you should be paid. It's U of him to expect you to give up a day a month of your own time unpaid.

playftseforme · 04/09/2014 11:39

It's a happy coincidence if you like your colleagues and want to spend time socialising with them, but the main reason for working is to get paid. If a team working activity is deemed to be required to enable you to perform your jobs better, then it should be within the working week or paid overtime. If it is just a social, then it's optional - and I would be saying no - because my weekends are precious - the laundry isn't going to do itself!

Peppa87 · 04/09/2014 11:46

Is your boss making this could compulsory?

I Would point blank refuse to do something like this more than annually. My weekends are mine, that is why I chose a job that means only weekday working 9-5.

I spend time with my daughter and partner, have days out, see family and friends. I just would not be willing to give up my weekend on a monthly basis for work purposes, for fun or otherwise.

If you don't feel you can be honest and just say you simply don't want to do it then tell a few white lies about comitments you have at weekends that mean you can't do it regularly, then every so often if you feel like going along you could?

Peppa87 · 04/09/2014 11:48

This sound compulsory*

Oneeyedbloke · 04/09/2014 11:57

Your boss is definitely taking the piss. An UNPAID team-building day? And he wants it to be regular? That'll look great to his boss, but what do you get out of it? Sounds like your team is already quite good, does it really need extra 'building'?

I'm so suspicious of these management exercises, they're painted as being for the staff's benefit - ooh, a fun day out, what do they think you are, children? At least kids get paid for. They do far more for the boss's career.

Having said that, in the interests of not pissing off my boss unnecessarily I would probably turn up to the first one - I like my work colleagues too - but I would make sure the day went the way I wanted it to, not as per his expectations. So if you reckon what he wants is something rather boy-scouty or inspirational, I'd make sure me & a few co-conspirators got nicely sozzled, nothing outrageous, just enough to piss on his chips a bit. After all, you're not on company time. He wants a fun day, fine - have fun, but on your terms. And if he's one of these trendy bosses who wants to show he's got a fun side, hey I can hang out with the guys, then don't go along with that either. Have a word with him beforehand, tell him you've considered the whole thing carefully, that you'll come to just one, but make it absolutely clear you're making a considerable sacrifice of your valuable free time and that he can't expect regular attendance.

Otherwise, you turn up, you're out of time and pocket and you get no benefit whatsoever, your boss doesn't even think you've put yourself out.

Bosses. Wankers.

Depends, really, on whether you like your boss or not. I've actively disliked most of mine, not least because they come up with ideas like this.

however · 04/09/2014 11:59

Yeah....nah.