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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be irritated and a bit pissed off?

66 replies

Partypooper24 · 04/09/2014 09:37

Not sure how to approach this though.

I like my job very much. Just as well because the hours are quite long and the pay is not great. My teammates are lovely people and I enjoy a certain amount of social time with them after work, maybe drinks on average once every two weeks for about an hour, and the odd work party which is a few hours in the evening.

My boss now wants us to do a team day together just for fun but at the weekend. I dont want to go to the place he wants us to go to, but more importantly don't want to give up a day on my weekend to hang out with people I spend so much time with already. I need time to myself to recharge, I want time to see my own friends, I want time where I choose exactly what I want to do.

I feel it is quite unfair to be asked to do this (and chip in money to the travel, not much but still) and am pissed off, but don't think I can say much without sounding sour and like I'm no fun and hate them all! I absolutely don't, I do like them a lot, but don't want to spend more time together.

OP posts:

OTheHugeManatee · 04/09/2014 12:00

Team day shouldn't be in your own time. They should do it on a weekday. YANBU

KnackeredMuchly · 04/09/2014 12:00

Just say it sounds great, and then NEVER be available to do it. No way would I do it even once, cheeky fucker.

pluCaChange · 04/09/2014 12:02

What a crap.manager. Now your resentment will poison the evenings out, and he'll have burnt goodwill for nothing.

Is he a very insecure person or inexperienced manager?

4seasons · 04/09/2014 12:06

I'd probably smile sweetly and say it sounded fun. I'd also look askance at the cost and say I wasnt sure I could afford it . I might go once just to suss it out... it might be great . But I would also say that I couldn't afford the time time or money to do this sort of thing on a regular basis as I had other commitments outside working hours . Lay your stall out early ... my bet is there will be other work colleagues who feel the same but are not wanting to be the ones who refuse .

ILovePud · 04/09/2014 12:21

Just say no, you have loads on at weekends and want to spend time with your family. I really don't think your colleagues will be offended, some may be relieved that you've set that precedent, I bet not all of them really want to go either. I remember a ghastly team building away day several years ago when the David Brentesque facilitator was trying to organise us to set up regular nights out as a team in order to build team morale. One of my very experienced and straight talking colleagues just said "much as I like the people I work with we all have stressful jobs and once work's over I just want to go home and see my family" this was met with resounding agreement and the facilitator looked rather deflated.

OnlyLovers · 04/09/2014 12:28

He said we could think about a weekday if we were prepared to work one of our weekend days.

That's outrageous. If it happened on a weekday would he pay you extra for working one day at the weekend, to the amount that he wants you to contribute to the travel costs?

No, thought not.

It's very ill-thought-out. I agree with Heels: say something like 'I can't make weekend work events; I need my Saturdays and Sundays.'

I also agree that you won't be the only dissenter.

cherrybombxo · 04/09/2014 12:31

That's ridiculous, he sounds like a tosser. Once a month is really taking the piss, especially as you would need to pay towards it! I'd put my foot down, I'd be surprised if anyone was happy with that set-up.

Becca19962014 · 04/09/2014 12:46

I had a manager who wanted to do this. Not every month but every quarter. He lost staff. I never went (disabled and couldn't do however activity) but everyone else left. He never got why, I explained it repeatedly but he thought it was a 'nice thing for everyone to do'.

He was aside from that a very good a reasonable boss. But the fact was people didn't want or need to do it if anything it caused problems didn't fix them.

Becca19962014 · 04/09/2014 12:46

However = the

theQuibbler · 04/09/2014 12:52

YANBU. If it was a one-off then you might have to suck it up, but an on-going monthly activity that you have to pay for is not on.

Just explain, nicely, that weekends are family time and you have too many commitments already to add another one.

It's true enough and arguing with that is going to make him look a bit odd.

Marcelinewhyareyousomean · 04/09/2014 14:16

I hate team building/ away days on works time when I'm being paid to be there. Under no circumstances would I ever give up my own time to participate. Being asked to pay to join in with this nonsense is unreasonable.

I hope the rest of the team have a lovely time.

hamptoncourt · 04/09/2014 15:20

YANBU

You just have to tell him you don't want to do it, sorry, no thanks. You spend little enough time with your family/dog/stamp collection as it is and you aren't free for this type of thing.

I doubt he will make it a big deal and it will all fizzle out anyway. Maybe your colleagues aren't really as thrilled as you think. If they are, let them crack on.

WookieCookiee · 04/09/2014 15:32

He clearly has no home life of his own.!
He is being very unreasonable.
I have managed a large team and yes, it is useful for the team to socialise together but you already do that. "Team building" is part of training and development which should be done in your usual working hours or be given as time in lieu, and you should be recompensed for reasonable travel expenses.
Just tell him that you have prior weekend commitments and will not be able to attend. Is it a big company? Is there a T&D framework/policy, or do any other teams do this?

CromerSutra · 04/09/2014 15:41

He is being really unfair. I know he's trying to do something nice but you don't organise that on your staff's own time! That's really unfair. If it's team building it's a work thing, if it's a social thing it's your choice whether you go or not. I 'so be surprised if lots of people wanted to do that regularly at the weekend. I adore my colleagues but I wouldn't agree to that, my weekends are my family time.

googoodolly · 04/09/2014 15:43

Just say no. You don't need a reason, it's your time off. If you agree once, you'll be pushed into all the other ones! It's much harder to say no after you've already said yes.

lucjam · 04/09/2014 15:47

If my boss suggested this she would be laughed out of the office! They are your colleagues not your best mates. You have family and already spend 5 days a week at work and that is enough.

No way would I go. They can't make you and if they make your work like difficult then they need to grow up a bit.

Ludicrous. One of those times that you have to take a deep breath and just say thanks but NO thanks.

museumum · 04/09/2014 15:47

Tell them that you do something really obscure... like, I don't know, you run the local kids tiddlywinks club every saturday or that you are a semi-professional lawn bowls competitor at the weekends, or even just something quite normal like volunteering in a charity shop or something.... anything basically to make the point that a one-off might be arranged but that anything more often would not be possible.

TimBurgessILoveYourSmile · 04/09/2014 15:49

Just say thank you for the invite but no thanks.
you have commitments at the weekend, family need your help, you cannot leave the dog in the house that long, you cannot afford it or Your not bothered and you don't want to... You work to live not live to work!
YANBU your boss is a bit of a knob, do they go home to an empty house??

ShadowStar · 04/09/2014 16:00

YANBU.

If it was a one off event, or attendance was optional, that would be one thing, but this? A monthly team building event that you're expected to go to and pay towards yourself on your own unpaid time? No.

I think you'll have to do what others have suggested. Tell him that as much as you like your job and your colleagues, you want to spend time with your family at weekends, and can't commit to regular unpaid weekend jollies.

SpoonDoctor · 04/09/2014 16:26

There's no question - if this is for the company, then it should be on the company's time and at the company's expense. Anything else it taking liberties, particularly if there is any attempt to make you feel guilty about not going, or any suggestion that it may harm your career prospects not to go.

Work-life balance: you need it to keep sane.

OnlyLovers · 04/09/2014 16:29

There's no need to make up silly excuses! And if the OP doesn't lie she can keep the moral high ground.

TheRealMaryMillington · 04/09/2014 16:36

I really want to know what it is that he wants you to do once a month, at your own cost, in your own time, and what he thinks the business case is.or has he just not got any real friends?

You should have no qualms in saying no. You are too busy with your family at weekends, and you can't afford it. You could do it once per annum with a couple of months notice.

ILovedYouYesterday · 04/09/2014 16:55

Once a year - fine, if I really must (a bit like the staff Christmas night out which never used to fill me with deep joy!)

Once a month? Feck that!

What about the people who have children? Are their partners expected to be thrilled about an extra day of solo child wrangling? This always used to irritate the hell out of me when DH was summoned to extra unpaid work related stuff and was just expected to get on with it at home.

FunkyBoldRibena · 04/09/2014 18:50

My boss now wants us to do a team day together just for fun but at the weekend.

but don't think I can say much without sounding sour and like I'm no fun and hate them all

'Funky - I was thinking of having a team day just for fun at the weekend'
'Oh ok, hope you do have fun'
'Erm, I meant with all the staff'
'Oh right, how much are you paying us to have this fun'
'Erm, nothing, I thought you could pay towards petrol actually'
'ha ha ha - nice one'
'Erm - I'm serious'
'So, you want me to pay to go on a work day, at the weekend, in my own time, to have enforced fun, for the benefit of the company?'
'Erm, yes'
'Sorry boss, my idea of fun is not being at work; no offence but it's like - well - work. Work does not equal fun. See my problem here? You want me to take my precious time and hard earned cash and spend it on a work training day. That - dear boss - is not going to happen.'

Original poster

Partypooper24 · 04/09/2014 19:02

Haha Funkyboldribena that made me laugh!

It didn't go that way though. Colleagues expressed enthusiasm. We all love our jobs and the business IS great, by and large, to work for. This is the only thing that is difficult and the rest of them dont seem to feel the same.

OP posts:

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