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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be irritated and a bit pissed off?

66 replies

Partypooper24 · 04/09/2014 09:37

Not sure how to approach this though.

I like my job very much. Just as well because the hours are quite long and the pay is not great. My teammates are lovely people and I enjoy a certain amount of social time with them after work, maybe drinks on average once every two weeks for about an hour, and the odd work party which is a few hours in the evening.

My boss now wants us to do a team day together just for fun but at the weekend. I dont want to go to the place he wants us to go to, but more importantly don't want to give up a day on my weekend to hang out with people I spend so much time with already. I need time to myself to recharge, I want time to see my own friends, I want time where I choose exactly what I want to do.

I feel it is quite unfair to be asked to do this (and chip in money to the travel, not much but still) and am pissed off, but don't think I can say much without sounding sour and like I'm no fun and hate them all! I absolutely don't, I do like them a lot, but don't want to spend more time together.

OP posts:

Jessica85 · 04/09/2014 19:03

YANBU. If it is outside of working hours then it is just standard socialising and you can just say no. Maybe practise a few times before you go in tomorrow. No. No. No. If you really need an excuse then 'weekends aren't good for me'. If he pushes it, make a joke 'I tend to host raves on Saturday nights so I can't fit this in until around the 27th of November 2015'.

AlpacaMyBags · 04/09/2014 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FunkyBoldRibena · 04/09/2014 19:09

rest of them dont seem to feel the same.

Never ever follow the crowd just because you are worried about being the odd one out. Chances are, at least one other person feels the same, and possibly they all do.

'At the weekend, in my own time, and not being paid for it - nearly spat my coffee out there boss. Very funny'.

Vitalstatistix · 04/09/2014 19:09

what happened to work being work? you go to work, do your work, leave, get paid every month and that money allows you to live your life.

When did work turn into your life? With your boss feeling like they own your non working hours or you should be hanging around just waiting to Do Something with the people you happen to be employed alongside?

I don't get it. What's wrong with working for the money, showing up on time, leaving on time, doing your work and having your life outside of work.

Is that really such a bad thing?

Nydj · 04/09/2014 19:10

There is nothing wrong with saying that you need time at weekends to recharge or, if you have family, then to say that weekends are very difficult for you are you like to spend them with family and friend whom you aren't able to see at work.

FunkyBoldRibena · 04/09/2014 19:12

Nothing wrong with just saying 'no'!

Dubjackeen · 04/09/2014 19:15

Not a chance. Weekends are precious, and they fly by, as it is. Not a snowball's chance in Hell would I be giving one day up, and especially not on a regular basis.

Original poster

Partypooper24 · 04/09/2014 19:15

Im not afraid of not following a crowd.

Im afraid of being in a small team who decide I dont quite fit the company ethos, if I dont like what they like, and being subtly pushed out of a job I love. Its more Im pissed off because I may just have to grit my teeth and do at least the first one to 'play the game' to ensure my career stays on track.

OP posts:

PfftTheMagicDraco · 04/09/2014 19:18

I'd keep quiet about what days you can do until everyone else has had their say and then say you can't go, what a shame, have fun without me.

rookiemater · 04/09/2014 19:18

YANBU - there's nothing in the world that can force him to make you go.

I like my workmates too, but due to childcare arrangements I will never be able to make a night out - actually that's not strictly true, it's down to the fact that childcare arrangements mean I would need to go home then travel back into town and I couldn't be bothered.

If you think it's going to cause you any stink then just politely decline each weekend that's suggested, or if that's causing more aggro than it's worth, give some of the polite responses above effectively saying thanks, but no thanks.

IrenetheQuaint · 04/09/2014 19:26

Surely you can offer up a genuine-sounding excuse, though? Partner/children/parents/hobby/volunteering/house renovation or whatever. Sound regretful and try to get along once or twice a year (though I bet it will fizzle out after the first two or three).

XiCi · 04/09/2014 19:28

What sort of company is it that you work for? Do none of your team have any family commitments?

I have worked for a number of companies in a variety of roles. None have asked me to give up a weekend for an unpaid team building exercise. All of these have been in work time. Any social events at weekends have been fully paid for by the company and been voluntary, if a team member couldn't make it for whatever reason no-one would bat an eyelid.

Is the entire company like this or is it just your team leader trying to make a social life for himself in the guise of team building?

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 04/09/2014 21:34

Well, it's your decision. If you don't want to say 'No' then you'll just have to go and play nice wont you?!

However, I'm pretty sure that you will not be the only one who feels this way.

zipzap · 04/09/2014 21:49

Hmm. So he effectively wants you to do an extra 2 and a half working weeks worth of work (even if it's 'fun', if it's enforced company fun then it's still work) for free, plus pay for the privilege...

Has he got a very boring social life and wants to supplement it by making everybody turn up as he likes socialising with his work colleagues? Is it to do an activity (paint balling, weed clearing, pottery painting, etc) that he particularly likes and thus can get to do his hobby on the cheap by making everybody else go along to do it? (and if so, is it something you enjoy?) Is he getting commission on it from the people that run the events? Is he trying to avoid something at home (a regular visit from the IL?) Surely he really can't be thick skinned enough to think that people want to donate a day a month to work just because he asks them to! Do some of the team socialise together out of the office a lot more frequently than others and thus think that this would be a way to get the office to pay for it?

I'd try saying something along the lines of saying that 'I love you guys but I love my weekends more . If it's important enough for work to be effectively compulsory then it's important enough to be done in work time. Or if it has to be at the weekend again that means it's compulsory so as a minimum it should be paid for - preferably at overtime rates.'

Might be a bit late now but if he tries the you can have it during the week but have to make up a day at the weekend line again, I'd try the 'ha - very funny. you almost got me with that one, have you been practising your serious face?' line - and be so completely sure that he is having a joke that you can't comprehend that he is actually being serious. If he continues to hound you for a date then give a time some time in 2016 - and if he asks then start to work through them and give something on every weekend - people's birthdays, visiting relatives, even recovering after being away for the previous 3 weekends is a valid reason, plus stick in going the sales, shopping for work clothes, visiting an exhibition at the museum, anything and everything you can think of. Then he might get the message that you need your weekends!

Does he have a manager or is there an HR department you can talk to? I think you need to talk to them about it (having studied your contract very carefully first) to say that you can't afford to lose 12 days a year of your own time. Push the every month aspect rather than just the first one as if it is just one day in a year then they might think that they would go along for just a day (but how convenient that they aren't having to!) whereas to be told you are expected to forfeit 12 days of your life a year is a different prospect. I'd also say that you feel worried that whether you take part in it or not, it's going to change the dynamics in the office and that you are worried you're going to be victimised for not being willing to give up 12 days of your free time.

Just out of interest - if they make you do that time - does that mean that you get paid enough and have enough holiday time when it is worked out into a working year that is 12 days longer a year? I don't know if you work beyond your contracted hours already by arriving early or going home late, but it might be worth saying that they are already getting a lot more out of you than they are paying you for and that is one thing, but to actually come in for all that extra time is a big deal to you. It would be a big deal to them too if you decided you would take an extra day a month off - and they get approximately 23 days a month out of you - you get approximately 8 days a month and they want to take one of those - which would be 12.5% of your free time! (whereas if you were to take a day a month off you'd be taking approx 4.5% of your month off).

Good luck...

Spadequeen · 04/09/2014 21:59

Your boss is a twat!

whois · 04/09/2014 22:17

I wouldn't tell him to jog on, I'd be mildly enthusiastic I'd directly asked. Then, on no, what a shame, my sister has had a child are emergency and I can't come. Or it's my grand 89th. Or you know what, I just can't make it.

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