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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call the police?

76 replies

TrippedIt · 26/08/2014 16:02

Just received a pornographic photo of my DP with another man. It is fabricated and was sent anonymously.

I know who was behind it. There was some attempt to ruin our weekend from the same person a couple of weeks ago (which we can prove was him) and we ignored it. This has now escalated and is an attempt at our relationship. This comes from a middle aged man with a wife and family and a successful business.

AIBU in calling the police or am I just overreacting and aggravating the situation?

OP posts:
TeaAndALemonTart · 26/08/2014 16:03

Yes, call the police.

Showy · 26/08/2014 16:05

Oh yes. Call the police. How awful.

Original poster
TrippedIt · 26/08/2014 16:06

Part of me wants to get straight on the phone but I am just worried that it will inflame the situation and he will have a go at our property and business. He is not a nice man.

OP posts:
FishWithABicycle · 26/08/2014 16:08

Call the police. If you can prove the first incident was him then they have grounds to seize his computer and may be able to prove the second was him too.

Curlyweasel · 26/08/2014 16:10

Call the police. You said you ignored him first time but that didn't stop him escalating things did it? Why do you think he'll stop if you leave it now? What an awful thing to do. People are bonkers Confused

CookieMonsterIsHot · 26/08/2014 16:13

Yes, police.

DoJo · 26/08/2014 16:13

I am just worried that it will inflame the situation and he will have a go at our property and business.

He's already inflamed - ignoring him hasn't made him give up or realise that it's not worth it. And he's attacking the thing that is most important: your relationship, so I wouldn't be so sure that he hasn't already got plans for your home and business whatever you do.

Original poster
TrippedIt · 26/08/2014 16:15

I know you're right. I have never been as shocked in my life Shock.

I don't get his motivation. We have nothing to do with him, he's not a part of our lives or us his. I don't understand why he wants to do this.

OP posts:
shaska · 26/08/2014 16:17

Police definitely, in part because if this escalates further you will be glad there's a record of previous incidents.

I understand if you can't say more but what on earth is this man playing at??

Curlyweasel · 26/08/2014 16:18

Perhaps he's ill. Whatever - you can't ignore it. x

LadyLuck10 · 26/08/2014 16:20

He seems like a sicko, call the police.

SlightlyJadedJack · 26/08/2014 16:25

Wow, how scary is that! I'm sure you won't be the first people he has done this to so I would call the police ASAP. Hope you're OK.

turkeygiblets · 26/08/2014 16:25

Definitely call the police. This guy seems to be quickly escalating his activities so you need to make police aware in case of any future events. Hopefully it won't come to that but it's best to make them aware-they will take this seriously.

CookieMonsterIsHot · 26/08/2014 16:27

Some people are RL trolls. Weird.

All you can do is call the police, get it logged, maybe their involvement will get it stopped.

Knobs like this don't become so overnight. Chances are this isn't the first time he's been in trouble. Police might know all about him already.

Viviennemary · 26/08/2014 16:28

I'd call the police. That sounds dreadful and best to get it stopped now.

Owllady · 26/08/2014 16:31

It's unhinged behaviour, call the police yes!

Original poster
TrippedIt · 26/08/2014 16:39

Just spoke to my DP. Agreed we're going to get the police involved.

There is a back story but don't want to say too much incase his DW is on here. Real petty falling out and he has already damaged our business as a result of it. This happened four months ago and for a while he appeared satisfied with the damage he had done. Then the petty phone calls and text messages started and now this. What if my DD had opened that envelope? We have the same initials…. I dread to think.

Ringing the police.

OP posts:
BlueBrightBlue · 26/08/2014 16:54

A neighbour of mine, who I'll refer to as Jon , spurned the advances of another neighbour who was known to be a trouble maker.
Jon is straight and in a long and happy relationship.
Nothing more was said about the incident for a few months until someone called Jon to tell him he'd seen a poster nailed to a tree that stated he was a closet gay, had a tiny willy and virtually no body hair. It also said that he's been buggered by Jon and as a result had to go to A &E .
There were about 70 posters in all! It was frightening and yes people talked and did wonder if there was any truth in this rumour.
Of course it was all a pack of lies and the guy was cautioned by the police but no charges were made.
I think you need to contact the police before things get worse.

Original poster
TrippedIt · 26/08/2014 17:03

I've phoned 101 and they're going to send someone round later when DP is home.
Felt so stupid explaining on the phone about the previous messages…seemed petty.

I have started to wonder what else he would do with this picture. It's printed on photo paper and a good mock-up. There has to be a digital image and I'm worried about what else he could do with it online and in print. Can't help but worry too about where this may lead!

OP posts:
BlueBrightBlue · 26/08/2014 17:10

Try not to worry OP. You've done the right thing and hopefully it will stop doing anything else to defame you and your DP.
Chances are he's done something like this before and may even have been charged or cautioned, this is unlikely to be a one off if he's as unhinged as he appears to be.
Try googling his name and see if he has been in the local paper or courts.

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 26/08/2014 17:26

You've done the right thing. What a sicko

Original poster
TrippedIt · 26/08/2014 17:32

So nervous. I know he's done similar before but nobody tracked it to him.

Hope I've done the right thing.

Thank you for all your support!

OP posts:
ChelsyHandy · 26/08/2014 17:36

Ignoring him the last time hasn't worked and has only made him more confident. I think police and publicising that you are being stalked by a maniac is the way to go. No-one will believe that photo anyway. And sue him for damages. Why is it your problem if his wife finds out?

BlueBrightBlue · 26/08/2014 17:37

This is worth mentioning to the police.
Good luck x

AnyoneForTARDIS · 26/08/2014 17:49

whats to stop him putting said photo on facebook/twitter and all over the place and humiliating you and your DP? so glad you called police, get this sorted and let us know.