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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To call the police?

76 replies

TrippedIt · 26/08/2014 16:02

Just received a pornographic photo of my DP with another man. It is fabricated and was sent anonymously.

I know who was behind it. There was some attempt to ruin our weekend from the same person a couple of weeks ago (which we can prove was him) and we ignored it. This has now escalated and is an attempt at our relationship. This comes from a middle aged man with a wife and family and a successful business.

AIBU in calling the police or am I just overreacting and aggravating the situation?

OP posts:

AnyoneForTARDIS · 28/08/2014 18:39

police should have gone when they said. do you only have one policeman in your town .

if not try and go to police station tomorrow.

Crabstick · 28/08/2014 18:47

Hope you get this sorted Tripped...awful behaviour.

SunbathingCat · 28/08/2014 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MammaTJ · 28/08/2014 19:20

HOLDING MY BREATH NOW!

Don't make me wait too long, I am home alone, so no one to give me the kiss of life!

Original poster

TrippedIt · 28/08/2014 21:49

Sorry!!! Went out for food afterwards!

Police came as arranged at 6.30. Very apologetic about the last two nights "these things can't be helped ya da ya da". She was really helpful to be honest. Told her the entire story from start to finish and she was gobsmacked as to the immaturity and audacity of the person concerned.

All the usual - "How do you know it was him?" and before DP arrived "Are you sure it was fake?" Erm yes…the original photo found with a quick google of "gay porn" and the photo used of my DP from Facebook. I had to agree it was a pretty good fake 'though!

Ultimately we were asked what we wanted to do. She agreed that there was a chance that we aggravate the situation if the police knock on the door at this stage and offered us support and extra attention during patrols with regard to our business and they are sending someone round to advise on potential security improvements just in case.

She felt that the phone call yesterday was his attempt to play down the situation and bring the matter to a close and whilst she stopped short of actually saying so, I got the impression that she felt the best course of action was to get everything logged and unless he does anything else take a wait and see approach at this time and hope that this was the best he'd got. She has taken both of our statements and waiting for us to call her back tomorrow and let them know whether we want them to pursue it or just want things logged at this stage.

Feel better and now a good chat with DP about how we want to proceed!

OP posts:

BlueBrightBlue · 28/08/2014 22:10

Personally I would not let this rest. He's playing games and he knows the score because this isn't the first time he's done this.
Don't let him cop out because he'll be waiting in the wings to make the next move. He's playing cat and mouse and getting off on this and the police know this but it's just extra paperwork for them.
Tell them you really need them to pursue this matter further.

Original poster

TrippedIt · 28/08/2014 22:20

We've had a good chat tonight and we're not 100% in agreement at the moment. Going to sleep on it and make the decision in the morning. My DP wants us to leave it here for now BUT will support me if I want to take it further…he feels it my decision because it was sent to me.

I think the twunt shouldn't get away with it. End of.

OP posts:

Original poster

TrippedIt · 28/08/2014 22:24

And may i apologise for my appalling grammar and lack of punctuation in the long post above. Just reread it and am suitably

OP posts:

BlueBrightBlue · 28/08/2014 22:30

Please don't be complacent about this, things will only get worse. The offender needs to be stopped in his tracks right now.
He'll have other allegations filed against him. Do you want this to happen to other innocent hardworking people?
He'll only find other ways to undermine you.
Insist the police investigate this thoroughly.

LEMmingaround · 28/08/2014 22:33

I hope that is the last that cones of it. Tbh i agree with your dh. Leave it there. If he gets a call from police then it may escalate and will also give him satisfaction that its caused desired upset. Tell your dp to say yeah thanks great. We have put a copy on our bedroom wall for laughs

LEMmingaround · 28/08/2014 22:35

Then of course if anything else happens the police have statements already so will act faster.

wobblyweebles · 29/08/2014 00:24

I would proceed. I'd be very surprised if getting a call from the police doesn't make him think again about going any further.

DancingDinosaur · 29/08/2014 00:32

He sounds dangerous. I would take it further personally. Otherwise where will it end?

SomethingVicardThisWayComes · 29/08/2014 00:37

can i just state that police are A) very short staffed - today i had an appt. i had to cancel it at short notice due to a hanging. we all had to attend a suicide. it took the whole shift up and was slightly more important than the pre arranged appointments over petty crime.
i get so sick of "the police are crap they didnt come on time" crap - police are incident driven. they dont have crystal balls. if an incident comes in thats more important than yours then it gets priority. thats the nature of the job and absolutely the way it has to be.
lobby the government if you dont think there are enough police. because there are not. cut backs are affecting the frontline - no matter what the powers that be would have you believe.

*fucked off and fed up police officer trying to do a decent job and getting no where fast because of negative publicity and general crappy pre conceptions of the general public who think that idiotic game playing pathetic idiocy trumps finding a man hanging in a tree.

hiding thread so dont bother replying.

DancingDinosaur · 29/08/2014 00:55

I don't think anyone called the police crap Vicard

unrealhousewife · 29/08/2014 01:05

I would leave it for now, when the next incident comes you will have a good case for legal action. As it is he might just get a warning.

wafflyversatile · 29/08/2014 01:19

Would it worth getting legal advice?

I agree that your DH played it well by showing loads of people the photo. If things go further you want as many people as possible pointing the finger at him not you.

Might also be worth getting a call recorder app on mobile phones or landlines for that matter, if possible.

SomethingVicardThisWayComes · 29/08/2014 01:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

unrealhousewife · 29/08/2014 01:39

SomethingVicar, most people with half a brain know that the police and other services like social do an extremely hard job.

Most people with half a brain appreciate the work you do and that 99.99% of you put your duty to the public before yourself.

Just because there have been some horror stories in the news doesn't mean the police have lost any respect from the public, at least the public with half a brain.

darksideofthemooncup · 29/08/2014 01:55

OP I think if it were me I would be getting legal advice aside from informing the police. This is harassment at the very least!

mimishimmi · 29/08/2014 07:46

How horrid. I had to deal with a stalker once during my honours year. It was the worst year of my life. He seemed normal until he met my friend and turned into a psycho over her. Obviously she was the main target of his stalking but he stalked me too believing that I was key to convincing her to have a relationship with him. Police were involved but nothing was done until he pulled a knife on her and it was seen by a university security guard. He was expelled from the university and deported and it was then revealed he had been in similar sort of trouble in his home country (China) and his parents had hoped sending him abroad would 'cure' him.

In your case it sounds like more like malice but no less frightening... at least if it escalates police will have a record.

Original poster

TrippedIt · 29/08/2014 08:34

something Can I just say that I am pretty sure no one meant any offence. Police have been great with me. End of. The Officer that came to see me yesterday was fantastic and I am more than happy and my commentary was merely to explain why I hadn't updated and a clumsy attempt not to make a big deal of it. Completely understand that there are more important things going on than my petty incident. Apologies if it read insensitively, it wasn't meant to.

Thanks for all your input everyone, it's much appreciated as it is easy to lose sight of reality when you're in the middle of everything and you kind of get swept away.
I am so glad we reported it. Firstly, we have helped anyone else who may have a similar issue with him. My understanding is it will all be logged for intelligence purposes. If we do not decide to proceed but someone else has the same issues, I will not hesitate to stand up and be counted and give evidence where necessary.
Secondly, the police will try to give extra focus to our business which is one of our main concerns
Thirdly if it doesn't end here, we have it on record.

At this point I am prone to agree with my DP and leave it. I appreciate that this may BU but I think it is in our best interests right now.

If it was a very sick and misguided joke that's the end of it; if it was more menacing and escalates, we won't hesitate to take action already having logged the incidents so far.

Again - thank you everyone

OP posts:

ChelsyHandy · 29/08/2014 09:03

Can I just say OP that Im a little bit surprised at how timid you are being. If someone did this tome or my DH, we would be beyond furious and would be during him for damages, he would be leg in no doubt that if he ever bothered us again, we would make his life not worth living. Have you been warned off this man because of a past record of violence or something? Making his actions public and challenging him can be the best defence of all. This isn't the first time ge gas bothered you, and you are kind of making yourselves the ideal victims, by hoping Tha staying quiet will make him go away. In other words, you are giving him all the control.

Original poster

TrippedIt · 29/08/2014 09:32

I get what you're saying Chelsy and in part I agree with you.
We haven't been warned off as such but believe that right now we can live with what he's done if it ends here. We've reported our concerns and discussed our options with the Police. We're not choosing to accept it but giving the potential damage he could do are kind of sitting on the fence. For now.

Don't get me wrong we are both furious and I'm prepared to leave it only because I feel that this is likely the end of it. I believe that due to the large number of people, including mutual acquaintances, that my DP has shown the image to, we have taken control of this particular episode. I also believe that someone has informed him we were going to the police and the threat alone has had some impact, hence the ridiculous phone call. If it doesn't end here, believe me, we'll be jumping off the fence with both feet. Plus, the reality of the situation is that whilst we know it is him, proving it, is a different kettle of fish.

OP posts:

AnyoneForTARDIS · 03/09/2014 19:50

Any updates OP?

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