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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

last minute wedding invite

73 replies

Thurlow · 25/08/2014 08:48

Aaargh!

A little while ago we had an invite from an old friend to go to their birthday party next weekend. It wasn't really doable so we declined and thought nothing of it.

Now it turns out it's not a birthday party - but a surprise wedding to their partner of 4 months...

DP can't get the day off work at such short notice so he can't go. We can't get anyone to mind the toddler at such short notice. In theory I could go as it says children are welcome, but getting their involves a 40 min train to London, then crossing London on Tube lines that don't all have lifts (DC very much still in a pushchair), then a 15 walk to the venue. I'd have to do this alone as no one else lives this side of London, and can't drive to it.

And then while it says children welcome, I can't think of anyone else who has young children so DD might be the only little one at a wedding I know will involve quite a bit of drinking (well, assuming as pretty much all our mutual friends don't have children yet), and then travelling back on my own with DD later...

Sorry, too much waffle! If it was any other sort of wedding we would make a real effort to go as while friend isn't that close we do go a long way back and have a lot of mutual friends. But it's such short notice and I just can't stomach the thought of all that travelling with a little one.

This is clearly one of those where I want you all to agree with me Grin AIBU to not go? Or should I make the effort eurgh at the thought of Saturday afternoon Tubes with a pushchair

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 25/08/2014 08:55

Stay home.

gentlehoney · 25/08/2014 09:00

Go. But get a taxi to and from the station and ask (in advance) for help with lifts/stairs etc.
In years to come you will have happy memories of the wedding, and you will forget about the horrible journey.

ChessieFL · 25/08/2014 09:01

You clearly don't want to go, so don't!!

MsAspreyDiamonds · 25/08/2014 09:04

Getting married after 4 months?!! Oh dear...yanbu to not to go as the marriage is clearly doomed from the start.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 25/08/2014 09:05

Getting married after 4 months?!! Oh dear...yanbu to not to go as the marriage is clearly doomed from the start.

Lifesalemon · 25/08/2014 09:05

I've never had to cross London with a pushchair but I have a daughter in a wheelchair so I can imagine how hard it might be if there are no lifts available so i don't think yabu. The last thing you want is to turn up at the wedding hot and stressed and you won't enjoy it anyway if you spend the whole wedding dreading the return journey. Would it be possible to take a friend in DP's place.

Optimist1 · 25/08/2014 09:07

Perhaps if you tell us which station you'll be arriving at and where the wedding is someone might be able to come up with a less tricky journey than the one you've described?

SomethingAboutNothing · 25/08/2014 09:08

Don't go, you have a good enough reason and clearly don't want to so just decline. They will have to understand that with such short notice people won't be able to make it.

Though having only been together 4 months I suppose they haven't had much notice either!Blush

UpUpAndAway123 · 25/08/2014 09:08

You don't sound like you want to go so don't go! I am over doing things because I feel like I have to or to please other people.

Blu · 25/08/2014 09:10

If you really wanted to go, 'all that travelling' really isn't a big deal. People take lightweight buggies on the tube all the time, you can take them on escalators, and people always help,

If you want to go, go, if you don't , don't.

Original poster
Thurlow · 25/08/2014 09:16

Yeah, I have to say it fits more into the "I think I ought to go" category rather than the "I really want to go" one. And yes, we're all surprised that they are marrying so soon - not that I think quick marriages don't work, just this really is a bolt out of the blue for this couple.

I can't really do a taxi, financially, as it's been a bad month.

I am over doing things because I feel like I have to Grin

That's probably what it is. We're pretty much the only people in our friendship group with a child and so most socialising and plans are still as if everyone is in their 20s and has loads of time to spare. I like them all very much - but I think you've just worded what I'm thinking. "Given a few months notice I would love to come to your wedding, but I have a small child, and I can't be doing all these surprise parties in random cool venues at a week's notice any more."

Damn it. I'm turning into a curmudgeon. MN is proving this.

So AIBU to turn into a curmudgeon? Grin

OP posts:
Blu · 25/08/2014 09:25

If you need a few months notice to attend a party, yes!

KoalaDownUnder · 25/08/2014 09:30

Eh. It depends how good a friend this person is, really.

If it was a really good friend, I'd say just go for the actual ceremony bit and a quick toast afterwards. Go early, leave early. You know the journey is doable; it's just a pain in the arse when it's something you won't really enjoy when you get there. But if it's a close friend, suck it up and do it.

If it's someone you're not close to, or who wouldn't put themselves out for you, then send your regrets.

Original poster
Thurlow · 25/08/2014 09:31
Grin

I'm going to embrace oldness. There is no escaping the fact that yes, I actually do need a few months notice to work out how to attend a party (though tbf that's got a lot more to do with childcare)

OP posts:
Original poster
Thurlow · 25/08/2014 09:32

Friendship level - they are an old friend and part of a larger group of friends from uni. But not exactly close.

OP posts:
HenriettaTurkey · 25/08/2014 09:36

Look on Tfl website and put through the journey as if it were suitable for a disabled person. It may come up with a better route.

But I get the impression you don't want a better route...you want to stay home? In which case, do that!

eddielizzard · 25/08/2014 09:36

that's a lot of putting yourself out for a wedding that clearly hasn't been very well thought through.

don't go. you don't need any more justification.

NoSquirrels · 25/08/2014 09:44

If you couldn't go to the birthday party it won't be a surprise you can't go to the wedding, in terms of declining.

I'd go, but am v. used to London travel and small people, and whilst it wouldn't be ideal I'd try to find a way to go, even for a bit, for an old friend.
But I wouldn't judge you for not coming, I'd understand.

Original poster
Thurlow · 25/08/2014 09:48

The thing with the travelling is that I'm not overly comfortable doing it on my own. DD is a tricky age - when she was younger I used to do it a lot because I knew she'd sleep, and I guess when she's older she will be more distractable/entertained. 2.5 is proving a challenging age for me!

No, I don't really want to go Grin Not that I don't want to see this friend married, just the day doesn't sound great, if that makes sense. It'll be a shame to miss it, but then DP is missing it too (equally as much his friend as mine) because of work.

I think I just wanted one or two other people to tell me they wouldn't go either in this situation!

OP posts:
VashtaNerada · 25/08/2014 09:53

I wouldn't. Buggies and tubes (young DC and tubes for that matter!) are a nightmare on your own. They should have just been clear from the start and allowed enough time for DH to take the day off. Sod 'em.

VashtaNerada · 25/08/2014 09:53

*sorry, DP

DaisyFlowerChain · 25/08/2014 09:55

I'd stay home. A marriages after just four months is a farce and statistically unlikely to last.

LineRunner · 25/08/2014 09:57

Sod that. I wouldn't go. That journey would be too difficult.

Seriouslyffs · 25/08/2014 09:58

You don't want to go.
Lots of us would. Own your own shit and stop looking for excuses.

musicalendorphins2 · 25/08/2014 09:59

Then, afterwards you have to travel back home, but with a tired little one. I wouldn't be able to do it. I would send my regrets and congratulations, and a beautiful card with a thoughtful few lines wishing them happiness, and invite them to come to your place soon for a dinner to celebrate.