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AIBU?

last minute wedding invite

73 replies

Thurlow · 25/08/2014 08:48

Aaargh!

A little while ago we had an invite from an old friend to go to their birthday party next weekend. It wasn't really doable so we declined and thought nothing of it.

Now it turns out it's not a birthday party - but a surprise wedding to their partner of 4 months...

DP can't get the day off work at such short notice so he can't go. We can't get anyone to mind the toddler at such short notice. In theory I could go as it says children are welcome, but getting their involves a 40 min train to London, then crossing London on Tube lines that don't all have lifts (DC very much still in a pushchair), then a 15 walk to the venue. I'd have to do this alone as no one else lives this side of London, and can't drive to it.

And then while it says children welcome, I can't think of anyone else who has young children so DD might be the only little one at a wedding I know will involve quite a bit of drinking (well, assuming as pretty much all our mutual friends don't have children yet), and then travelling back on my own with DD later...

Sorry, too much waffle! If it was any other sort of wedding we would make a real effort to go as while friend isn't that close we do go a long way back and have a lot of mutual friends. But it's such short notice and I just can't stomach the thought of all that travelling with a little one.

This is clearly one of those where I want you all to agree with me AIBU to not go? Or should I make the effort eurgh at the thought of Saturday afternoon Tubes with a pushchair

OP posts:

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thewildrover · 25/08/2014 09:59

Personally I would go just as it would give me something to do with dd for the day and I think it'd be fun!

is there a bus you can get a rather than the tube?

furcoatbigknickers · 25/08/2014 10:00

I wouldn't go.

Mrsjayy · 25/08/2014 10:02

Sounds a logistical nightmare I wouldnt go either send them a card and wish them well and stay home

AggressiveBunting · 25/08/2014 10:04

If there are no other kids there then it's likely that you won't be able to speak to anyone as you'll be looking after your DD all day anyway- and all the people who say ' oh bring her. I'd love to meet her and we'll take turns entertaining her ' are lying She'll be bored and whine. You'll resent being there. Stay home.

Welshwabbit · 25/08/2014 10:05

If you want to go, the travelling should be OK. My son is 2.4 and still quite buggy-reliant, but I've done journeys of the kind you describe with him quite a few times and lived to tell the tale (I live in south London, my parents-in-law live in Buckinghamshire, I have gone there by public transport on quite a few occasions without my husband). Most tube stations have escalators and only a few stairs, and I've pretty much always found someone to help me up and down them. When I haven't, I've folded the buggy and held my son's hand. I know what you mean as I don't enjoy asking for help, but most people are very nice when asked, even if they don't volunteer. Re: distracting/engaging your DD, my son is very keen on trains so that helps - appreciate that may not be the case for you!

On the other hand, if you're not that bothered about going, yes the journey will be a bit of a hassle and it may be a bit of a pain keeping your daughter entertained at the wedding if there are no other kids there (although presumably you would take books/toys etc).

If I was the bride/groom, knowing what I know about having a child, I would understand you not coming. Before I had children, I probably wouldn't have! I think it comes down to how much you want to go, and how important you think your presence will be for the bride and groom. If you do go, I expect they will appreciate the effort you've made.

Thurlow · 25/08/2014 10:05

As long as some people wouldn't go either and it's a not a completely unanimous BU, that's enough for me!

It would have been nice, but all I can picture is sitting on that Tube in the evening with merry people starting their night out and a fractious toddler who hasn't had enough sleep and has eaten their body weight in cake...

OP posts:

Nerf · 25/08/2014 10:06

Who is it a surprise wedding for? I don't understand. I thought that had been changed and both people have to sign up for the wedding.

MardyBra · 25/08/2014 10:06

A surprise wedding after 4 months?

What if they say no?
What if they had other plans for getting married?
Fuck me! How controlling?

Thurlow · 25/08/2014 10:08

I did go to a wedding on my own with DD a while back, aggressive, and even though it was a very kid friendly wedding it was a disaster - you certainly can't expect anyone else to just watch your DC! I remember just staring longingly at the Pimms and wishing there was someone to help so I could have a drink

It does get a bit awkward with this group of friends sometimes as we are the only one with DC. It is very hard to really imagine or understand the logistics when you don't have kids. I don't blame them at all, but you can't always drop everything on short notice.

OP posts:

Surfsup1 · 25/08/2014 10:09

What's the childcare issue? Do you not have friends or family nearby? Do you know anyone who uses a babysitter they could recommend?

YANBU, but I just think you'll regret it when you come out the other side of the toddlerdom-fug.

Thurlow · 25/08/2014 10:10

Mardy. I think it's supposed to be a surprise for everyone else, not the bride and groom. Though a few people have been told which is how the secret has got out!

OP posts:

SaucyJack · 25/08/2014 10:10

Don't go if you don't want to.

Having to take a buggy on the tube is a silly reason not to tho. It's a bit of a faff- but hardly the end of the world.

FamiliesShareGerms · 25/08/2014 10:12

I'd go, but I'm fine with tube travel with small people. It dies sound like a bit of a poor excuse though

BikeRunSki · 25/08/2014 10:13

Don't go.
You couldn't go to the birthday party, and you still can't go. If they've called a short notice wedding, them's the breaks.

MardyBra · 25/08/2014 10:14

Ok. I get it now. FWIW I'd say go.

x2boys · 25/08/2014 10:15

A surprise wedding after four months whose surprising who? Is this a good idea fwiw I got married after six months and we celebrated our ninth wedding anniversary a couple of weeks ago but and here were no surprises!

BoffinMum · 25/08/2014 10:15

I think I would probably go for a bit - basically I'd get the train in and treat myself to a taxi to the venue and back, unless the tube journey was simple. I'd pop in for a couple of hours or until I felt it wasn't fun for me and the toddler any more, and then make my excuses.

Cabrinha · 25/08/2014 10:16

You don't want to go, so you don't have to justify it.
But sorry - you're making a right old meal over a journey that's no big deal!

Thurlow · 25/08/2014 10:16

Total travel is 2 hours door to door, so better part of 4 hours travelling to get there. It's more that than just the Tube, though I am not a fan of the Tube with a buggy.

If DP could get the day off too then we'd definitely go.

OP posts:

x2boys · 25/08/2014 10:17

Oh so at least the bride and groom know I was imagining all sorts!

Cabrinha · 25/08/2014 10:18

I was first to have a baby in one social group btw - toddlers don't play that much with other kids yet, they're just as happy being around adults!

patienceisvirtuous · 25/08/2014 10:18

I think you're patronising them, assuming they can't possibly understand it's more difficult travelling with a child.

They probably do. They have sent you an invite not a court summons. Who is to say they'd judge you for declining?

You don't want to go do don't. I probably wouldn't...

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patienceisvirtuous · 25/08/2014 10:20

*so don't

KoalaDownUnder · 25/08/2014 10:21

I'm assuming the 'surprise wedding' means it's a surprise for the guests. Not either of the people getting married! (Although why does the OP know it's a wedding, not a birthday, then?)

I'm with BoffinMum. I don't think 'invite them round for a nice dinner at yours another time' really cuts it. People only get married once (hopefully). They want you at their wedding, as part of their memories of that day. Weddings and funerals are the only times you really need to go the extra mile, IMO.

Cabrinha · 25/08/2014 10:21

We all just have different attitudes to travel. I don't see 2 hours each way as a big deal. When mine was a toddler (actually, still now at 5) it wouldn't be 2 hours of hassle. It'd be 2 hours of train watching, escalator fun, ticket sorting... It'd be an activity same as choosing 2 hours at the park or soft play!

If it's a big deal to you, it is. Just to me the "40 minutes on the train" for the first part is just down the road really. I travel a lot!

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