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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To break up with someone over an argument about music?

58 replies

extremepie · 19/08/2014 07:56

It's more of a WWYD really, and at this point is purely academic but I was just curious if anyone else felt as strongly as I do about this!

Bf and I were decorating and listening to the radio when the current number 1 came on and I casually mentioned that I liked the song.

We then had a massive argument where he accused me if being tone deaf and having no musical ear or taste at all (which I do but that's irrelevant!) and saying it was an auto tuned piece of crap, basically being a huge music snob.

I pointed out that it was currently number 1 so obviously lots of people other than just me like it and that it was only terrible in his opinion and it's ok to like different styles of music but he just kept going on and on.

We eventually had to agree to disagree but I was really hurt and offended after, music is important to me and there are lots of songs I like purely because I like the beat or because the lyrics speak to me not necessarily because the fit into my usual sphere of musical taste and I felt like he was really insulting a big part of me!

Wibu and over sensitive or was he being a dick?

OP posts:
DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 19/08/2014 07:59

He's a dick. I have stayed married to DW by NEVER remarking on her taste*, and vice versa.

*Which includes late period McCartney ffs.

Hurr1cane · 19/08/2014 08:01

I dunno, he sounds like a dick.

Me and DP have different music tastes, he calls mine shit and takes the piss a little bit, I call his shit and take the piss a little bit, but it never ends up in an argument, and he is a massive music snob.

If we had that discussion I would have said "I like this song" he would have said "it's shit, your music taste is shit" and I would have probably said "your music taste is shit" and we would have had a joke about it and laughed.

It's only music, although it's important to us both, it's not THAT important.

It probably depends on whether you got overly defensive and shouted first or if he went on the attack straight away.

I don't like fights so I wouldn't stay with someone who argues over tiny things.

Original poster
extremepie · 19/08/2014 08:05

I hate arguments usually and never pick fights but I just couldn't let it lie when he started laying into me about how awful my taste was and started going further saying I clearly had no musical talent etc, especially since I have sung and played musical instruments since I was a teenager it really felt like he was insulting me on a really personal level.

Neither of us shouted, maybe slightly raised voices :D

He went so far as to say he wouldn't 'let' me play my choice of music because it was shit and his stuff was better and if I put mine on he would turn it off :(

OP posts:
Hassled · 19/08/2014 08:07

Late period McCartney Shock? You must really, really love her.

Agree with everyone else - he's being a dick. I'm married to someone who is still obsessed with The Wedding Present, for example, but I don't (often) tell him he's tone deaf. A huge part of a relationship is tolerance and compromise and acceptance of the differences.

But is this break-up-worthy? Are you otherwise happy together? Is the music thing maybe just an immaturity he'll get past?

Scarletohello · 19/08/2014 08:09

He sounds controlling, arrogant and mean. Not great qualities in a long term partner. Have these traits manifested themselves in other aspects of your relationship, or is this a one off?

FurryDogMother · 19/08/2014 08:12

A difference in musical taste doesn't necessarily mean you're incompatible. My husband and I are a case in point - we both DJ online - I'm all about industrial, future/synthpop, EBM, Celtic and folk-rock - he's classic rock and blues. He tells me my music is either 'thump thump thump' or 'twiddlededee'. I think his is mostly boring - but we agree to differ, and wear headphones!

On the other hand, it's not a good sign if he demeans you over your choices, whether musical or otherwise.

QOD · 19/08/2014 08:12

Seems it's more than just this, we can all have our own tastes! I hate one direction but love a few of their songs, it is what it is!

Original poster
extremepie · 19/08/2014 08:19

Well exactly, Furry !

I'm quite happy for us to like different things, I would never dream of saying to him 'you're musical taste is different to mine, mine is obviously superior so you clearly have no musical taste or talent and are tone deaf!' He didn't have to be so nasty about it!

But yeah, the other thing that bothered me was the whole 'we can listen to my music but not yours' and not 'letting' me put my music on - we've only been together about 2 months and this was in my flat! How can he tell me I can't listen to my choice of music in my own flat!

OP posts:
Hurr1cane · 19/08/2014 08:20

Mmm yeah. I have a mate like that. He likes metal. Only metal, that's all. His girlfriend likes chart stuff.

If we are all listening to music and having a chat and his girlfriend puts on some chart stuff he storms out of the room, slamming doors and having a massive toddler tantrum because it's "shit"

I'd have dumped his arse long ago. She must have more patience than me.

Deftones · 19/08/2014 08:21

He sounds a bit of a nobber. DP and I have different music tastes, he loves dance, D n B, and folk. I love metal. However we can BOTH appreciate a decent song, I like the current no.1 which is rare, but when we do differ in tastes neither of us get personal!

I'd nip it in the bud and explain why it's not cool to personally attack someone because you don't agree on something!

Fairylea · 19/08/2014 08:25

But its not really about music here is it. It's about him being a controlling arse and having to have the "right" opinion.

That kind of attitude is always unhealthy in relationships, whatever the disagreement is about.

tabulahrasa · 19/08/2014 08:29

Me and my DP have completely different taste in music, he likes the Beatles, Paul McCartney and Queen, I like dance, cheesy pop and the odd bit of country and western.

It never causes an issue because we wouldn't talk to each other like that...I in fact suspect that DP thinks he has superior taste in music where I realise that we both have shit taste in different ways, but we don't insult each other about it in anything other than an affectionate jokey way.

Lweji · 19/08/2014 08:34

Good riddance.
He's showing his true colours already after two months and you made the right call.

It's not about music. It's about his perception of you and the lack of respect and sensitivity, not to mention selfishness and control tendencies.

Well done, you.

Scarletohello · 19/08/2014 08:39

Er what IS the current no 1?

Eebahgum · 19/08/2014 08:40

The content of the argument is irrelevant. He sounds like one of those men that believes all of his opinion is right so strongly that your opinion must be wrong. Furthermore, it's his job to educate you to the right way of thinking.

JapaneseMargaret · 19/08/2014 08:41

You've only been together 2 months?!? And he's already blasé enough to be this much of a toal arse in your company....? Hmm

I would be irredeemably put off by this sort of behaviour from a man I'd been seeing for only two months.

Nobody needs a boyfriend this badly.

So. What next? Can you get past this argument?

Hassled · 19/08/2014 08:41

Judging from your last post you should run for the hills.

Icelollycraving · 19/08/2014 08:41

He's a twat. When people tell you what they are,believe them.

CatKisser · 19/08/2014 08:45

I fucking HATE music snobs!!
I went out with someone who kept telling me what to listen to (death metal type stuff which I hated) and would refuse to listen to anything I wanted. He was a wanker!
I can still picture him when a particular song came on he just sat there doing lame air guitar with a stupid expression on his face....why did I go out with him?!

Your chap sounds very rude and condescending!

CatKisser · 19/08/2014 08:46

Sorry, just seen the 2 months thing!!! What!?
What a prick! In your own flat too!

Original poster
extremepie · 19/08/2014 08:47

Japanese I have decided to be single for a while, after a long and very messy year I feel like I need some space to be me without being told what to do by anyone :D

He did like to be right about most things, he's a nice guy just not for me right now - he had been single for 2 years before me so I wonder if he's sort of forgotten how to be in a relationship and how to compromise etc?

He did admit that he was being a music snob afterwards but never actually apologised!

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 19/08/2014 08:48

I've just listened to it - and it is horrendous. Sorry.

I'd break up with you if you were jigging along to that.

Musical taste is so important, I couldn't date someone who listened to R1 in the first place. But then again, I am 46 now. What are car journeys in the future going to be like when you hate each other's music? Nightmare.

CatKisser · 19/08/2014 08:49

Would you call yourself a music snob, Funky?

Original poster
extremepie · 19/08/2014 08:56

We can agree to have different tastes though Funky :D
Actually, car journeys may be a different problem altogether as neither of us drive!

Scarlett - it's called Am I wrong (or at least that was number 1 at the time!)

He also said something about me only liking it because it's 'London street music' (I used to live in London) and that no Cornish people would ever listen to such rubbish (he is Cornish). Not even sure what he meant by that!

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 19/08/2014 09:00

Would you call yourself a music snob, Funky?

I don't call myself anything, but if you need to feel free!

I can't listen to R1 without wanting to stick pins in my ears before the end of the first song. What happened to good singers, good tunes, a little melody and some sense of depth? Oh yes, it's all on 6 Music these days. Wink.

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