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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To break up with someone over an argument about music?

58 replies

extremepie · 19/08/2014 07:56

It's more of a WWYD really, and at this point is purely academic but I was just curious if anyone else felt as strongly as I do about this!

Bf and I were decorating and listening to the radio when the current number 1 came on and I casually mentioned that I liked the song.

We then had a massive argument where he accused me if being tone deaf and having no musical ear or taste at all (which I do but that's irrelevant!) and saying it was an auto tuned piece of crap, basically being a huge music snob.

I pointed out that it was currently number 1 so obviously lots of people other than just me like it and that it was only terrible in his opinion and it's ok to like different styles of music but he just kept going on and on.

We eventually had to agree to disagree but I was really hurt and offended after, music is important to me and there are lots of songs I like purely because I like the beat or because the lyrics speak to me not necessarily because the fit into my usual sphere of musical taste and I felt like he was really insulting a big part of me!

Wibu and over sensitive or was he being a dick?

OP posts:

Castlemilk · 19/08/2014 09:05

It's not about music.

It's about him being a bossy, arrogant, controlling twat who can't see another person's point of view. Oh, and doesn't have the manners to behave himself when he's in someone else's house.

Hope he's thoroughly dumped.

Original poster

extremepie · 19/08/2014 09:05

We weren't actually listening to R1 it was PirateFM :D

The funny thing is, he is really into trance/dance type music, which while not terrible and I do enjoy it sometimes, to me mostly sounds like a load of repetitive beats and electronic loops built on a computer! A lot of it sounds very similar!

OP posts:

Original poster

extremepie · 19/08/2014 09:07

Yes castle, it wasn't really the music it was he attitude that was the problem, if he's like that about something so small what would he be like with something big?

OP posts:

limitedperiodonly · 19/08/2014 09:09

Sounds like you've made the right decision OP. He sounds like a teenager.

I am a music snob married to someone who likes Cafe Del Mar shite from about 10 years ago. I'm sorry if that makes me sound bad but it is shite.

There are two tracks that make me murderous. I don't know what they're called but one which is a repeat of the nonsense line: 'Diggy Bon Diggy', and another where a dozy bird breathes: 'the ect (act) of lurrve' over and over again.

I wouldn't dream of banning it, though after hours of it on a loop I have asked him if we could have something else, like silence or perhaps the noise of the pneumatic drill of the workman outside.

He always looks puzzled and says he's not listening to it, it's just soothing background noise. It's not soothing me.

What is number one in the Hit Parade today, btw? And what does he like? Perhaps we can sneer at his choices.

CrystalSkulls · 19/08/2014 09:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WellnowImFucked · 19/08/2014 09:10

^It's not about music.

It's about him being a bossy, arrogant, controlling twat who can't see another person's point of view. Oh, and doesn't have the manners to behave himself when he's in someone else's house.^

This by 500. . . . .

Arsehole, him not you.

WhatTheHellDoWeCallThisBaby · 19/08/2014 09:10

Oh funky that's such a clichéd thing to say - it's why us 6music listeners have a (in my case totally undeserved) reputation for snobbishness! You're presumably utterly unaware that radio 1 and 6music do actually share some of the same playlist? Don't make it into a competition about who's coolest.

limitedperiodonly · 19/08/2014 09:12

Ah x-post OP. DH might like some of the trancier tracks your ex likes. What a cheek he had. It's really irritating.

Original poster

extremepie · 19/08/2014 09:20

Limited, he did like cafe del mar!

OP posts:

Hurr1cane · 19/08/2014 09:22

Funky, do you mean radio 6?

That is mine and DPs compromise radio station.

Loads of different types of good music, and some ridiculous stuff you can have a good chuckle about.

FunkyBoldRibena · 19/08/2014 09:25

Oh funky that's such a clichéd thing to say - it's why us 6music listeners have a (in my case totally undeserved) reputation for snobbishness! You're presumably utterly unaware that radio 1 and 6music do actually share some of the same playlist? Don't make it into a competition about who's coolest.

I am the least cool person on the planet. My students come onto site and often have 'chart' music playing. It really is bad. Luckily we don't have a PRS licence so they have to turn it off. There is no cool competition in my world. Honest.

I just responded to the OP, listened to the track and agreed with her now ex. People are still allowed an opinion of their own on here aren't they? Or is that 'uncool too'?

FunkyBoldRibena · 19/08/2014 09:26

Funky, do you mean radio 6?

Radio 6 doesn't exist.

BBC radio: 6 Music on the other hand does.

FunkyBoldRibena · 19/08/2014 09:27

I did once break up with someone for turning up in the wrong shoes though.

limitedperiodonly · 19/08/2014 09:32

I did once break up with someone for turning up in the wrong shoes though

I've done that twice

Can I also have a grey and red hooped Wrangler's sweatshirt, grey trousers and grey shoes taken into consideration?

This was the early '80s, but I think he'd had the clothes from the late '70s.

HangingBasketCase · 19/08/2014 09:34

Is the song you are talking about "Rude" by Magic? I don't like a lot of modern music, but I do like that....much better than the bloody awful Cheryl Cole song it displaced from number one anyway.

When I read about couples who have polar opposite music tastes I always think of my parents. My mum loves old school Soul, Motown and Northern Soul. My dad has the worst taste in music of any person I've ever met in my life. He loves, Neil Diamond, old fashioned country and western crap, and those awful modern "popera" acts such as Susan Boyle, Il Divo and those two idiots who worn Britain's Got Talent last year. They've long since agreed to disagree in their musical tastes.

mijas99 · 19/08/2014 09:53

Music is very important, it is a proxy for how you view the world and what values you feel are important. It is not simply a question of taste

I could never be with a partner who liked chart music unless they seriously compensated for it in other ways, or unless we were both 12 years old :)

velouria · 19/08/2014 10:02

My ex used to always turn my music off and put his god awful prog shite on if I dared to fancy listening to music, despite having a few bands in common. He was an arse and I stayed with him far too long, I even went along to gigs with him, Rush fgs Rush, what was I thinking .

MrsCosmopilite · 19/08/2014 10:15

DH and I like around 80% of the same stuff. However, there is one artist/band I like and always have that he can barely tolerate. Ditto there is one band he really likes and I can't stand.
We compromise by having those as 'listen alone' things.
Neither of us are great fans of typical chart music.

ChoccaDoobie · 19/08/2014 10:21

I think he does sound like a bit of a twat but I would try to talk about it with him first. When I first met DW I was slightly twattish about things like that, it was more about feeling scared and nervous about the relationship to be honest.

I vividly remember her saying to me incredulously "you are in doubt about our relationship because I don't enjoy bluegrass music?" It made me realise what a knob I was being. She is totally unpretentious about everything and it is something I really adore about her. We've been together for
10 years now and have both introduced each other to various different musicians. I'd see what he says if you bring it up with him.

MumBoots · 19/08/2014 10:22

Its a bit teenager-ish to take other peoples music tastes SO seriously.

Original poster

extremepie · 19/08/2014 10:24

He's 31 Mum so definitely not a teenager :D

OP posts:

whatsbehindthegreendoor · 19/08/2014 10:27

I'm not a music snob - in fact, I get really annoyed by people who are. Even cheesy stuff can bring back a memory of a certain time in your life and I think that's great. I used to collect vinyl records, had thousands of the things, and there was a great selection of cheesy stuff in there. My husband likes different music to me, but we would never argue about it - blimey, life is far too short.
He's into Prince, I still think Shakin' Stevens is a superstar!! (disclaimer: I know he was never a superstar in the first place but he was to me, in the early 1980s!).
To slag off a person purely because you don't like their type of music makes your boyfriend very narrow minded and I'd hate to think what else he'd pick an argument about (and this is from somebody who loves a good argument/discussion!).

Vitalstatistix · 19/08/2014 10:27

I would be furious.

Not about liking different music, but about his inability to accept and respect my right to like something different. And about the controlling aspect of My Choice Is The Only Choice. You Will Obey.

And telling you what you may listen to?

And sneering at you and putting you down because you DARE to like a different bloody song to him?

I mean. Don't you think it's worrying that someone can make that big a deal out of something that most people would not give a shit about?

What's he going to be like over important things?

Quangle · 19/08/2014 10:35

He sounds very young. Is he? The joy of age is that you realise there is no such thing as a guilty pleasure - there can be enjoyment in all sorts of things and I say that as a chronic music snob but one who also has a sneaky best of Olivia Newton John on my iTunes (for a time when I needed to singalong to Xanadu....)

I like late Paul McCartney as well (well, Wings not the Frog Chorus although I have been known to "bom bombom" along with that if the mood takes me), Neil Diamond and Country and Western. I hate Café del Mar and Buddha Bar and all that crappy background music. I do not know what number one is presently although I would ban that Rude song on the grounds of it being a crime against feminism. I can't listen to R1 because of all the inane talking by junior reckoners but it's a shame because I would actually like a bit more current pop in my world.

The point of my waffle is that people can like and not like things for a range of reasons and your bf sounds like a bit of a plonker for not understanding that. Also I would happily challenge him to a music duel and I would win so he shouldn't be so sure of himself

cashmiriana · 19/08/2014 10:43

What would worry me is not the difference in taste but that it became a personal attack.

I've been married for 17 years. I listen to opera, light opera, musicals, Motown, cheesy pop from the 50s onwards, some world music (Carribean and Southern Africa) and dance music from the 20s to 40s (swing, big band, jazz etc) If I can sing along, or dance to it, I'm perfectly happy.

DH's taste tends towards political folk pop - Billy Bragg, Redgum, the Levellers etc. He hates the bubblegum disposable pop I enjoy listening to the car. I would rather stick pins in my eyes than listen to Australian protest pop on a long car journey. I have been known to call his favourite music tuneless, dirgelike and strident. He hates that I can't listen to anything without singing along.

However we have never been unpleasant or sneery towards each other about our hugely different tastes. Nor do we tell our DC that everything in the charts is crap compared to our day, tuneless and you can't hear the words, because that would make us sound like every parent since the dawn of time, and it's just boring.

So we put up with DD2's liking for Katy Perry (and I sneakingly enjoy it), explain why we're not keen on the messages a lot of music sends out about women (DH's music is pretty impeccable in that regard while I warble along guiltily to dubious messages about loyalty to objectionable men, courtesy of Billie Holiday and every musical from the 40s and 50s) and just generally respect each other.

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