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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

When is too old to become a dad again?

61 replies

amelia711 · 09/08/2014 11:51

My husband and I have recently discussed having another baby...we have a son who is one, and my husband's daughter (12) from his previous marriage stays with us half the week. My husband loves kids and would love another one, but his issue is his age, he is 47 (although he's very youthful ). I am 28 (there's a 19 year difference between us). He sometimes jokes and says that he could already be our son's grandpa (my mum is only 1 year older than him). Would he really be too old to have another baby?

I feel happy with our family as it is as we are comfortable financially, our son has been a great baby this far and my husband's daughter has been a brilliant big sister and help to us.

It does feel like it's either now or never though. I like the idea of having another baby and I don't want to regret not having another child later in life. But I don't want to make a life changing decision like this just so I don't have regrets later in life...

Does anyone have any advice/experience/thoughts on this?

OP posts:

IceBeing · 09/08/2014 11:58

Only you and your husband can know whether he is "too old" for another baby as it depends on his character, personality, health etc.

I don't think I would be worried at 47 though.....

cricketpitch · 09/08/2014 11:58

DP was 50 when he had hsi first DD and 54 when the second was born.

No real problems. ( Willpost mreolater as just to go)

Keenoonvino · 09/08/2014 11:59

I think it depends more on what they are like rather than age. I met my husband when he was 30 and I was 19. I am now 31 and he is 42, but people think he is the same age as me and my friends. He didn't have any other children when I met him, and I am expecting our 2nd baby in October. I'd like to have another one after this. I think if he was feeling his age/ his health wasn't great / othe factors about age we would probably think twice but he looks young, acts young and has a lot of energy. I don't notice the age difference. I'm sure there are some men in their 40s who feel a lot older...

Icelollycraving · 09/08/2014 12:03

Dh was 48 when ds was born,I was 38. There are times I'd like another but he is already knackered. He works 6 days a week & we couldn't afford it really so slightly different circumstances. If he's fit & you both want another child,why not? Men can father children until fairly late in life.

MrsWinnibago · 09/08/2014 12:03

I'd say 50 myself. You're fine!

Icelollycraving · 09/08/2014 12:04

He is now 51 btw.

monkeymamma · 09/08/2014 12:06

If you both want another you should go for it! I know a man your DP's age whose just had another, the mum is younger (but wee bit older than you). I can understand why you'd want to do it sooner rather than later though. You are young yourself so it's not like you've the worry of leaving young children alone in the world (sorry if that sounds morbid). I think you're more likely to regret not doing it than doing it. Good luck! X

Trinpy · 09/08/2014 12:08

47 isn't too old to become a Dad again at all! I thought you were going to say 55+!

My Dad's eldest child was born when he was 50 and youngest when he was 57. He's young for his age and was a sahd for 15 years from the age of 60 without any problem.

As a pp said, it really depends on how he feels about, but his age alone shouldn't hold you back imo.

CecilyP · 09/08/2014 12:11

I don't think he is too old. Too old for what? 47 is hardly in your dotage. I don't think the majority of people slow down much before their 60s. Of course simple maths would prove he is old enough to be your son's grandpa, but so what. A friend of mine became a gran at 34, but no-one would think that is too old to have a baby (except for another friend's strange MiL). And most people these days seem to live till their 80s.

Dolallytats · 09/08/2014 12:15

DH became a dad to DC3 (his DC4) last year at the age of 51, I was 39. He has no issue with that, but wouldn't like to be any older. He has been asked a couple of times if he is their grandad-which I must confess to finding funny!!

I think as long as he is willing and fit-go for it!!

Viviennemary · 09/08/2014 12:17

I don't think it's that old these days if he feels he wants another baby. I agree it's more about how he and you feel about it. Go for it!

microcosmia · 09/08/2014 12:23

I went to secondary school with a guy whose dad was 80. He was the youngest of the family and his mum was a lot younger. I'm not aware if it was an issue. It was his mum who did all the school related stuff. My friends DH is 50 and they've just had a 2nd baby this year. He plans to take early retirement to be with the children. He is an active youthful man and a fantastic dad. Age doesn't matter so much as health and energy levels.

TinyMonkey · 09/08/2014 12:25

My brother became a father for the first time at 47, it's fine, if a little more tiring than doing it in your twenties and thirties.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 09/08/2014 12:26

I think it really is just down to personal preference. I'm 36 but would not consider anymore babies at this age. Someone the same age as me is probably just starting out.

queenofthemountain · 09/08/2014 12:29

I don't really understand the concept of a man being too old to father a child.With a woman it is different because the eggs begin to age , but as long as he wants another child I can't see what age has to do with it.

microcosmia · 09/08/2014 12:38

Queen there is some suggestion of higher rates of ASD among older fathers but of course ASD can happen in children of younger dads too. So not a reason not to have a baby if you want to. The risks for older women would be greater.

catdoctor · 09/08/2014 12:48

DH is 52, DS1 4, DS2 8mo and he's a good dad because he's an interested dad.

As for the younger, less tired 20 and 30 year olds - hmmm. I'm often watching DH running about with DS1 while the younger, fitter dads look on fattly and sweatily from the side lines.

DoTheStrand · 09/08/2014 12:48

I think the risks do increase a bit with older fatherhood though that didn't stop us - DH was 47 and 50 when our two were born and we'd love another (though I think I may be too old! I'm 10 years' younger). He has two older boys in their 20s. I think a lot of it is attitude - my father was in his late 40s when we were born and wasn't that involved with us but I think he was middle aged in his 20s.

laura2323 · 09/08/2014 12:56

My dd is 10 month old and my fiancé is 49. She is our first. We are thinking of trying for another in the new year.

SureFootedWhispher · 09/08/2014 13:01

Im 36 DH is 47. He has a 18 & 20 year old and we have a 2.7 year old. We won't be having another as we feel it is too old.

I"m tired from the teens and toddler too.

SoonToBeSix · 09/08/2014 13:02

I think any older than very early 50's is too old. Not because of parent a child as such more being their for them as a teenager your adult. I just think if you are 70 and your dc is doing their A levels your health might not be great . Also what about grandchildren they might not even get to meet their grandad.

SoonToBeSix · 09/08/2014 13:03

There not their!

SoonToBeSix · 09/08/2014 13:03

For them

Alisvolatpropiis · 09/08/2014 13:03

No, I don't think he's too old. He's no more likely to be mistaken for your second child's grandparent as he is your first . People are having children later though and so, particularly with in their 40's/early 50's people will err on the side of caution and assume parent.

My dp and I have the same age gap as you do and are planning on ttc soon. He has no children from previous relationships and neither do I. He's 45 later this year, so assuming things happen quickly, will be 45 when he has his first child. Could be older though, if it takes time. Will be around your dp's age, if not older, if we have a second.

If you both want a second child, go for it!

Alisvolatpropiis · 09/08/2014 13:07

Also what about grandchildren they might not even get to meet their grandad.

Life is unpredictable. At 25 I know a few people who have lost parents when they were barely in their mid 40's. Can't not have children just in case you die before they have their own children.

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