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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

When is too old to become a dad again?

61 replies

amelia711 · 09/08/2014 11:51

My husband and I have recently discussed having another baby...we have a son who is one, and my husband's daughter (12) from his previous marriage stays with us half the week. My husband loves kids and would love another one, but his issue is his age, he is 47 (although he's very youthful ). I am 28 (there's a 19 year difference between us). He sometimes jokes and says that he could already be our son's grandpa (my mum is only 1 year older than him). Would he really be too old to have another baby?

I feel happy with our family as it is as we are comfortable financially, our son has been a great baby this far and my husband's daughter has been a brilliant big sister and help to us.

It does feel like it's either now or never though. I like the idea of having another baby and I don't want to regret not having another child later in life. But I don't want to make a life changing decision like this just so I don't have regrets later in life...

Does anyone have any advice/experience/thoughts on this?

OP posts:

Delphiniumsblue · 09/08/2014 17:45

Do what you want is the answer!

Darksideofthemoon88 · 09/08/2014 19:48

Good on you, 2old2beamum - adoption is a fantastic thing anyway, but - without being patronising - I think doing it at 71 and 67 is amazing . I like your perspective too, and perhaps that might answer the OP's question: if your DP isn't too old to love a new baby, perhaps he isn't too old to be a dad...

HippyPottyMouth · 09/08/2014 20:04

My friend's husband was 55 when their DS was born (friend was 28). My DH was 41 when DD was born and feels too old to have any more.

halfdrunkcoffee · 09/08/2014 20:42

DH was a couple of weeks off his 44th birthday when our first child was born, and 46 when our youngest was born. He does seem to find fatherhood tiring, but reckons that would have been the case 20 years ago as well. For him, he said 50 was his personal cut-off in terms of likelihood to still be alive when our children are grown-up (his uncle was 60 when his son was born!) It is a really personal decision though.

cricketpitch · 10/08/2014 13:56

I'd say go for it if you want to but I will also say that whilst it is fine to begin with it can be a bit hard dealing with teens in your seventies. And money can be an issue as job prospects decline rapidly after 60.

If you have a child already then you probably already know what you want to do.

Enjoy it

WhoeverYouWantMeToBe · 27/08/2014 14:45

Me and my DP are planning to TTC next summer, he will have just turned 50 and I will be almost 29. I also went through all the internal debate that you are. Anything could still change between now for us, and then and it depends on the man massively - if they're young at heart, and genuinely want a baby and feel they can offer everything it needs, then it makes it a lot easier. The main worry I have is DP growing old and needing care while I am still raising dependents, or him passing away while the child is too young.
Good luck whatever you decide.

Claybury · 27/08/2014 15:18

Agree with cricketpitch - though until you've had teens it would be hard to know what to expect. It's been the hardest thing I've ever been through and my eldest is only 16.
However it's so different for everyone, with more support and closeness from extended family things could be much easier. I don't think you can generalise about age anyway. It's just a number. It's the health and attitude that counts.

differentnameforthis · 27/08/2014 15:21

When the man feels he is too old to be a dad again.

differentnameforthis · 27/08/2014 15:24

47 isn't too old to become a Dad again at all It is if the man feels like it is.

It isn't up to us to tell the op that it isn't too old.

goldenlilliesdaffodillies · 27/08/2014 23:22

DH was 52 when our 2nd child (and his 4th) was born. At the time he didn't feel too old. However 4 years later he has really aged and is exhausted alot of the time. A large part of this is that our DS still doesn't sleep through the night though. DH will need to work until he is 70 at least.

Most of his friends children are now all flying the nest and slowing down. However DH feels that having younger children keeps him young!

It is good that DD has a younger sibling. We couldn't imagine life any other way.

If I were you I would go for it sooner rather than later.

MrsMook · 28/08/2014 00:35

If we have a Dc3, DH will be in his mid 40s, and that's part of our consideration. He is quite young but gets more tired than he used to.

His concerns are about the pension/ uni years. We'd like to enjoy retirement together before he's ancient (age gap). I wouldn't want him too old because we want to be an active family, and I have the baggage of losing my dad in childhood although DH has a healthier lifestyle which should help in his favour.

It's been a fine line between me feeling ready and fitting in our optimum family before he gets older. There's no definitive answer to it.

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