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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is way beyond ‘harmless flirting’

69 replies

hellothere1202 · 05/08/2014 19:53

DH emailing colleague about product photos she was going to be sending, talking about sets/pairs of stuff and he said ‘you could always add a photo of your pair if you like’, she replied ‘you wish’ and he said ‘was worth a try, you have a good set!’

AIBU to be furious at him for this? He says that’s harmless flirting.

OP posts:
CeliaFate · 05/08/2014 19:56

It would depend on their relationship, whether he's like this with other people too, if he's okay with you seeing the email etc.
It's not great, but it could be just banter. I once emailed a colleague with the subject title "Huge baps" and then posted a photo of 2 bread rolls. It was a running joke - he emailed me a "Pair of tits" - 2 birds. We both have the same puerile sense of humour, it meant nothing but brightened up a boring day.
If it bothers you, speak to him. I think his reaction to your anger would be the most important thing.

BakerStreetSaxRift · 05/08/2014 19:56

Not only is it disrespectful to you, it's disrespectful to her.

He sounds like a total creep.

Miffytastic · 05/08/2014 19:56

I'd be cross

Rivercam · 05/08/2014 19:57

Seems to be stepping over the line slightly.

BookABooSue · 05/08/2014 19:57

Meh if it's so harmless, ask him how he would feel if someone emailed that to you.
I'd also point out that it's probably enough for her to take to hr if she wanted to make a complaint against him. It's that inappropriate.

PeachyParisian · 05/08/2014 19:58

Shock I would be livid if DH did something similar.

Does he have form for this? Is he generally a very flirty person?

Sallystyle · 05/08/2014 19:59

Yeah, creep.

Affair or not, that would make me lose all respect for him. Yuck.

I am sorry OP.

AlpacaYourThings · 05/08/2014 19:59

It's quite odd to just start talking to a female colleague about her breasts.

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 05/08/2014 19:59

That is so inappropriate to say to a colleague. Regardless of what he is like socially you can't behave the same way with a colleague

Yuck

Titsalinabumsquash · 05/08/2014 20:00

I wouldn't be happy at all if DP sent something like that!

How would your DH like it if you were sending messages to a male colleague asking for a picture of his cock because he had a nice one? ... Probably not a lot I'd wager.

Your DH is being a sleaze.

FluffyPingPong · 05/08/2014 20:01

YANBU. Definitely out of order!

Azquilith · 05/08/2014 20:02

Over the line.

hoobypickypicky · 05/08/2014 20:02

It depends how you found out I suppose. If your DH made you party to the emails I'd take it that it was no big secret and just a bit of harmless (if not to my taste) 'fun'. If you came across emails which he was keeping from you that's a different thing altogether.

Bearbehind · 05/08/2014 20:07

I'm actually really laid back about most things but that is pervy and revolting and completely inappropriate for a work conversation.

It doesn't sound like she encouraged him either.

Definitely NBU.

HappySeaTurtles · 05/08/2014 20:08

How would your DH like it if you were sending messages to a male colleague asking for a picture of his cock because he had a nice one? ... Probably not a lot I'd wager.

If they were talking about roosters, I think it would be harmless dirty joking. My parents have towels with roosters on them and we call them cock towels when we see them. Oddly, they're never out when we come over anymore. Grin

But that aside, you need to be careful with flirting with a colleague like that. She could easily get him for sexual harassment.

You keep out everything but silly and pun jokes in the workplace. Crude or offensive jokes are for your off time in good company.

If you're not ok with it, then it's not harmless flirting.

crazyspaniel · 05/08/2014 20:10

Gross. I bet he has the reputation of being the office creep. I can't imagine any of my male colleagues engaging in "banter" like that.

AlpacaMyBags · 05/08/2014 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StickyFloor · 05/08/2014 20:28

There is a difference in making a joke about a great pair etc which may be immature but relatively harmless ...... but he totally crossed the line with "you have a good set". This says I have been checking you out and have noticed your chest and like the look of it enough to want to comment on it to you directly. Not on.

Passthesaltdear · 05/08/2014 20:39

I don't mind a bit of office banter but this is just plain lecherous. It probably is meaningless flirting but it's still lecherous, clumsy and disrespectful to you Sad Sad

FunkyBoldRibena · 05/08/2014 20:45

He is a bit of a letch isn't he?

Does he know that women at work could get him the sack for that? And that's not considering that they probably think he is a creep.

Backtobedlam · 05/08/2014 20:48

It possibly depends on the size of the company/how professional it is and their relationship. Also did your DH show you and include you in the 'joke' or did you see it accidently? I would be annoyed but it does sound like flirting rather than anything going on.

Original poster
hellothere1202 · 05/08/2014 21:25

I was snooping (not suspicious just nosy) he wasn't including me in it.

OP posts:
LilyandGinger · 05/08/2014 21:31

Deeply inappropriate, potentially career limiting and just really icky.

Way, way past flirting.

Charley50 · 05/08/2014 21:49

Oh I dunno. Some people do have that 'carry on' sense of humour. He was a inappropriate but not sure how pissed off you should be. Some people take any opportunity to make a smutty comment. I know I do

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 05/08/2014 22:00

Smutty comments have no place in the workplace and if that's the kind of humour he has he needs to rein it in at work.

And even accepting he just has smutty humour, his messages just weren't funny. He was clearly leading her into this conversation and she doesn't sound encouraging.

I don't think it was harmless flirting. He was testing the water.

I would have replied 'do you tell 'male colleague' that he has lovely buttocks? No, well please don't demean me by commenting on my physical appearance'