Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3

AIBU?

To think this is way beyond ‘harmless flirting’

69 replies

hellothere1202 · 05/08/2014 19:53

DH emailing colleague about product photos she was going to be sending, talking about sets/pairs of stuff and he said ‘you could always add a photo of your pair if you like’, she replied ‘you wish’ and he said ‘was worth a try, you have a good set!’

AIBU to be furious at him for this? He says that’s harmless flirting.

OP posts:

Report

MyPrettyToes · 05/08/2014 22:03

smutty - that's the word I was thinking of when I read your OP hellothere.

OP, you husband is that guy: the creepy slimy misogynist who women are a bit wary off and avoid as he clearly does not understand boundaries.

LapsedTwentysomething · 05/08/2014 22:08

That didn't come from nowhere. I would be concerned. And if I was his colleague I might be considering reporting his behaviour.

mzzzf · 05/08/2014 22:15

Ewwwwwww! So not only is he checking out other women whilst at work, he thought it appropriate enough to ask for a picture - ewww and ewww again!

What's worse he's written it in such a way that it comes across as one of those faux defensible comments "I was only joking", awful behaviour.

And as others have said, it's enough for him to be dragged over hot coals if she wanted to.

YANBU

Also what's making you want to snoop? Has your spidey-sense gone off for trust issues/other women?

hellothere1202 · 05/08/2014 22:54

No spidey sense that he was sending emails like that no! He claims that he wasn't testing the waters, knew she'd never send it blah blah blah but does seem a weird thing to say, wouldn't expect it from him normally.

OP posts:

EveMarieSaint · 05/08/2014 23:43

Her "You wish" implies that this isn't the first comment of this nature.

TheAwfulDaughter · 05/08/2014 23:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TheAwfulDaughter · 05/08/2014 23:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Itmustbelove · 05/08/2014 23:54

I would not be impressed if any of the men I work with made those comments in an email.

4littleones · 06/08/2014 00:18

I would loose all trust and i think for me it would be a huge issue

zazA09Jane · 06/08/2014 00:25

inappropriate, ex DP did stuff like this all the time, snakes with willys

Deftones · 06/08/2014 08:24

I'd be livid, he has shown a lack of respect for you and your colleague!

Metalgoddess · 06/08/2014 08:28

Yanbu, I would be extremely upset if my dh did this

moneyone · 06/08/2014 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nancy66 · 06/08/2014 08:40

not sure. Depends on the relationship they have. They may have this kind of jokey, smutty banter going on all the time.

I used to work with a colleague who would send absolute filth to me during the day (and vice versa) It was meaningless and just a way of getting through the day. If someone saw it cold though they'd be pretty shocked.

I wouldn't be upset and my initial instinct would be to dismiss it as just a work thing.

CombineBananaFister · 06/08/2014 08:55

If you're really cross/uncormfortable about it , it doesn't really matter how he intended it - he should just stop. As others have said, it is very stupid to say things like this, he could easily lose his job over it.

I do wonder though, how much you trust him in the first place or if he has form with it if you felt the need to nosy through his emails - do you not trust him?

I don't suppose he works in Hospitality does he? I remember the boundaries of acceptable being somewhat weak there? (not right though) and heard far worse under the pretense of jokey banter between the chefs

flashheartscanoe · 06/08/2014 09:05

The fact he felt ok to put this in an email suggests this banter has been going on a while.
My DH is sometimes a flirt but I would be cross at this- Its not even clever or funny!

FreeSpirit89 · 06/08/2014 09:07

I'd be fumming op. It's not harmless flirting, what would he have done if she sent a pic?

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 06/08/2014 10:06

He's behaved in either a very stupid or very creepy way. Up to you to decide which, or whether it's both OP.

I also agree that a comment like that hasn't just come out of nowhere.

Poor you. How's he attempting to justify it? Can he see it's inappropriate?

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 06/08/2014 10:08

He's behaved in either a very stupid or very creepy way. Up to you to decide which, or whether it's both OP.

I also agree that a comment like that hasn't just come out of nowhere.

Poor you. How's he attempting to justify it? Can he see it's inappropriate?

Tryharder · 06/08/2014 10:21

Completely depends on the relationship he generally has with her and the general office vibe.

I can imagine certain men saying this where I work and it would be funny and meant harmlessly. But if other men said it, it would be wrong.

Do you see what I mean here?

If your DH is naturally flirtatious and this kind of banter is normal in his office then I wouldn't worry.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 06/08/2014 10:24

OP has said this is something she wouldn't expect ftom him normally. It would be even more disconcerting to find he was this whole other person at work I think.

Castlemilk · 06/08/2014 10:38

Sleazy creep.

And she thinks so too.

How embarrassing for you OP.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

TheLovelyBoots · 06/08/2014 10:43

Crude/laddish behavior. I would not be impressed.

JoinedJustForThis · 06/08/2014 10:49

Think it depends on the role/environment sometimes.

One of my ladies has these sort of emails/convos with the guys in her old department. "They all did it" apparently.
It was more of a "manual labour" department full of knuckle draggers (you have to meet them to believe me), certainly not something I'd be happy with one of my guys saying to a female colleague.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 06/08/2014 10:56

Hope you're ok hellothere

Flip

1 2 3

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.