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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why can't people just send back RSVP's

62 replies

Alisvolatpropiis · 21/07/2014 18:52

I'm getting married next month. All I want is for people to send back their RSVP's. I have gone past the point of caring whether they're accepting or declining, I just need to know!

Is this a new thing, the not sending them back? What to people think they are for?

AIBU to think these people are just being incredibly rude?

OP posts:
angeltulips · 21/07/2014 18:54

You will get lots of people on here telling you they're VERY BUSY and don't you realise that noone cares about your wedding day but you etc etc

But, yes, your guests are being incredibly rude.

ThatBloodyWoman · 21/07/2014 18:55

I think it's just plain inconsiderate not to rsvp at their earliest possible chance.

Its certainly something thats made me annoyed with dc's party invites.

Andrewofgg · 21/07/2014 18:55

You will end up doing Defaulters' parade: ringing round the non-replies. Make your mind up to it now.

askyfullofstars · 21/07/2014 18:56

Congrats Alis!!
It is very rude if youve requested an RSVP and not got one.
After all, I know people are busy, but, it takes a minute to do.

Original poster
Alisvolatpropiis · 21/07/2014 18:56
Grin

I love that bit about wedding threads angel! "Nobody cares!"

OP posts:
Original poster
Alisvolatpropiis · 21/07/2014 19:06

I wouldn't mind so much if I had invited everyone I'd ever met that one time. But it is as small as I could possibly keep it without causing offence (nobody warned me about this!).

Thanks for the congrats! I will feel much better once I've provided final numbers to caterers etc.

This is the only thing that has truly put me on edge throughout all the planning.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 21/07/2014 19:08

im shit at rsvping as i am shit at any adminny paperwork stuff.

Sirzy · 21/07/2014 19:10

Just contact them and say "I need to pay by x date, if I havent heard from yyuou I will assume you are unable to attend"

I will admit once forgetting to RSVP to say we couldn't attend a birthday party as DS was ill/in hospital but in general I agree it is rude not too (and I did apologise to the parent when I next saw them)

angeltulips · 21/07/2014 19:16

Just wait until you contact the non-responders - I guarantee you will get a couple who will tell you they're still not sure Grin

I had at least 3 couples that hadnt RSVPed the day before. I held my nerve on my guestimated numbers and the last minute cancellations vs the non-RSVPers cancelled each other out in the end, thankfully we also had a guy who last minute travelled 10000 miles to be there out of the blue, but we were excited to see him

MrsItsNoworNotatAll1 · 21/07/2014 20:40

I think it's rude not to reply, drives me mad and is one of my many bugbears.

fluffymouse · 21/07/2014 21:20

It's very rude, but common unfortunately.

I had lots of people not RSVP for my wedding, I sent them a message in the end saying that I would love to have them there, but needed to know numbers, and if I didn't hear back I would assume they were not coming.

I would contact them as they are unlikely to contact you now.

littlebrownbag · 22/07/2014 15:07

I am in the same situation - we have a response rate of less than 50%. ie less than half our guests have RSVPed and we are less than 8 weeks away. I don't care how they do it - formally, verbally, electronically, email, phone, text, whatever. I know people are busy etc, but it only takes a few seconds to send a text.

I am being charitable and assuming that the people that haven't replied are undecided, perhaps they've got something else on at that time. The replies we had first were either an enthusiastic "yes" or "gutted, but can't make it".

If people can't come that's disappointing, but I'd rather know asap. We're going to start chasing up soon with a message along the same lines as fluffymouse. There are other people that we'd love to be able to invite if we have some spare places.

MummyKnight · 22/07/2014 15:23

Yes it's very rude. I think it's also rude to yes and then not turn up!!

We had a small wedding of just 70. A week before the big day I still hadn't had rsvp's from some guest so I called them all to get final answers, if they said they weren't sure I put them as a no. On the day I had a text telling me one family (5 people) who had already said yes weren't coming because they were going to their house in France instead!!! Shock I also had 16 people who had rsvp'd yes not turn up!! We had 2 completely empty tables at the reception leaving us with only 3 full tables and the top table.

snickers251 · 22/07/2014 15:33

My auntie wouldn't even respond to my chase up a couple of weeks prior then replied via fb the night before the wedding Hmm

Parties ok I get it but expensive weddings!?? It's just damn rude

Augustwedding · 22/07/2014 15:39

We had the same problem! I phoned them abd said I need to no now! My dad's family said they weren't sure I said I'll put you down as a no then, they said yes quickly then!

How hard is it to text/phone/email or FB, it's just rude!

Staryyeyedsurprise · 22/07/2014 15:41

YANBU. Even if they RSVPed saying "can we let you know at specific point in the future" it would be better.

I got a narky text the other day reminding me to RSVP on my child's behalf for their friend's party. I'd received the invite on a Friday, narky message came on the Monday. Weekends don't count IMHO Grin

DiaDuit · 22/07/2014 15:43

Ooh i'm going to a wedding next month- wonder if you are my relative! Grin

DiaDuit · 22/07/2014 15:44

If you are you will already have my RSVP Wink

Rumandcokeplease · 22/07/2014 15:46

How far off is your wedding? Wedding ettiquete is to send invites out 6 weeks before and RSVP 2 weeks before the wedding. Why don't you ask them if they're coming or not!!

littlebrownbag · 22/07/2014 15:57

Two weeks? On what planet - you can't organise a major event including catering not knowing numbers until two weeks beforehand!

There will always be emergencies and illnesses that mean a couple of people can't make it, that can't be helped, but for everyone else you need RSVPs at least six weeks in advance IMHO.

LemonSquares · 22/07/2014 16:06

Well - I think it rude for children parties but for weddings where it's a known very expensive events - I'm astounded people do this.

Noodledoodledoo · 22/07/2014 16:14

Chase them - its the only way.

We even sent everyone RSVP cards, pre addressed on the back that needed sending back as we gave them a choice of menu so needed to know, some people just need a kick up the bum!

Some I expected to chase - others I was shocked at like SIL!

Kiffykaffycoffee · 22/07/2014 17:19

Yep very rude and inconsiderate. This has happened to me so many times that I'm beginning to wonder if people genuinely don't know what RSVP means? Perhaps we should all start putting on our invites "Please reply by [date]" so no-one is in any doubt?
I know it's a pain but I would chase the non-responders. You can't assume anything.

Original poster
Alisvolatpropiis · 22/07/2014 23:33

Okay! It turns out some of the people who have not RSVP'd simply didn't notice the date stipulated.

I'm very relieved by this, not least because it's my stepdad's family and I'm very fond of them.

Texts have been sent to my lovely idiot friends asking for a response either way.

One texted me back "can't you take my text as confirmation?". No, I sent RSVP cards for a reason!

Currently telling everyone I know to get married abroad. Grin

OP posts:
Minshu · 23/07/2014 00:05

If you are upset about not getting the little cards back YABU. The information is what you need to tell the caterers, so why not take the text, or a mail or a phone call as confirmation? You may have spent ages and £ on the RSVP cards, but this is not the most important part of your wedding.

If I misunderstood your last post, apologies.