Why can't people just send back RSVP's

[Alisvolatpropiis]

I'm getting married next month. All I want is for people to send back their RSVP's. I have gone past the point of caring whether they're accepting or declining, I just need to know!

Is this a new thing, the not sending them back? What to people think they are for?

AIBU to think these people are just being incredibly rude?

YANBU to expect timely responses.

YABU if you are only accepting those responses if written on the designated card...

YANBU - they are very rude, but I agree with others it does seem to be getting more and more common.

That said, YABU to not accept the information by text from your friend, as, by now, it's the information that's important, not the way it arrives.

Get used to it. The people who won't respond to a wedding invite increase tenfold when it comes to christenings and then kids parties.

Upshot is some people are just rude.

Just text/email to say you assume they are not coming.

In my experience some will turn up anyway and wonder why there names are not on any place settings

They are the same people who have a wedding list of gifts starting at 200 quid, but buy you a set of five quid tea towels "because we wanted to buy something practical".

Why can't you take a text as confirmation?

Yeah, sorry OP, you said in your first post you just needed to know if they were coming or not at this point. A text will do that. YABU to insist on a returned card, even if you have had them printed up.

On our invites we asked for RSVPs electronically, and the vast majority of people who have bothered to reply have done that. It's just how people communicate these days, even the older generation. Only three sets of traditionalists have still sent us cards. Plus my parents(!), but my mum loves greeting cards, so any excuse for a trip to Clintons....

I organised a surprise 40th for dh and it stressed me out big time. It was only a small venue so I could only invite so many folk. Because I didn't hear back from a family of five I assumed they weren't coming and invited some others in their place. On the morning of the party I gets a text informing me they were coming! I suppose it served me right for not chasing them up but I thought why the hell should I, they'd known about it weeks before I'd sent out the invites.

Turned out ok as some of the folks who'd said they'd be there didn't turn up and didn't let me know either which is also bloody rude.

We sent RSVP cards and addressed envelopes with our invitation and also included our email and mobile number on it so it made it super easy. We heard back from everyone.

I must admit to being guilty of not sending an RSVP card if I have verbally told couple I am attending.

Why am I unreasonable to want the cards back?

What is that is so difficult about ticking a box and sticking a stamp on the pre-addressed RSVP and posting it?

I am rather confused by the difficulties people seem to have with them.

Yes, people are rude not to RSVP.

But FWIW, I sent my wedding invitations along with 1st class stamps on the pre-addressed RSVP cards. I received 100% of them back within the specified time frame.

Because if you just need to know numbers then surely it doesn't matter if people call/text/email/send a card?

It is a bit precious to only accept cards as RSVPs.

I do send letters by way of acceptance to weddings but also email in case it gets lost in the post. Some people may just not see the need to post a card when you already know they are coming.

If you only need to know for the numbers, why on earth won't a text do? Yup-sorry, I think you are being very unreasonable in that case.

Do you have a history of being ridiculous about things like this?!

I admit I was chased for a wedding response on FB this week, but I did reply to that immediately - on Facebook.

Normally I reply by post to wedding invitations, but I was very busy when the invitation arrived and had forgotten to reply. If I don't do things immediately I sometimes forget altogether. I hadn't forgotten about the wedding, as I got a save the date months ago and had already booked a hotel and had the date in my diary. I think that was why I forgot to reply- to me the date was so set in my mind, and of course we were coming!

So people aren't being rude, it's just that your wedding isn't at the top of their list of priorities. FGS chase them up - make a spreadsheet. Ring, Facebook, text. Good chance to speak to relatives you might not have for a while.

Also venues usually expect an idea of numbers but are flexible with a few last minute changes. People were telling me they needed a vegetarian meal with a week to go and stuff like that.

YABU to expect a reply in the post though even if you have included envelopes for the purpose. Please remember that other people have lives with different priorities, and yes, it can be a lot of effort at times to write out a card, find a stamp and somewhere to post it. Especially when you can say "We'd be delighted to come!" electronically.

Have many people texted/emailed rather than sending the cards back? I think so long as they have worded their reply unambiguously that should suffice. I know it's not hard to stick a stamp on and remember to post it next time you are going to be passing a post box, but it's more effort than sending a text and more likely to get popped onto a pile of things to do or end up in the bottom of a handbag and get lost. Also many people organise their entire social life by text/email/FB nowadays, it's just the way things are.

Been through this situation recently.

Older people[not being ageist here] sent them back quite promptly. Younger ones didnt.
There was a very distinct divide.

Also the youngies[eventually] mainly used Facebook or emails and texts. Only a small number ended up RSVPing using the actual RSVP.

Yes I meant to mention stuff getting lost in the post as well. Best to always follow up with electronic communication to make sure a) they have received the invitation b) the invitor has received the reply.

No, just the one person has texted. And I have accepted her text as notice she's coming but I it very irritating. Not least because she has been banging on for months about when the invites would be coming out. To only text to confirm she's actually coming over 10 days after when I asked for the RSVP's to be returned is a bit shitty.

Are you always so utterly delightful rollon or is the heat making you tetchy?

I do agree that whatever the means of communication it should be done by the requested date.

You need to give a date for RSVPs which is well ahead of when you actually need to hear as well so if people are a bit late it doesn't matter.

Not at all tetchy, thanks! I just didn't see why it mattered at all whether it was a reply by text.

The text wasn't the reason I started this thread, it was an aside a few posts afterwards.

I found it annoying but didn't say to her I wouldn't accept it. The post I mentioned it in doesn't say that I did either.

The issue is the people who haven't got in touch at all.

Sorry, but I interpreted

One texted me back "can't you take my text as confirmation?". No, I sent RSVP cards for a reason!

as you not accepting texts as RSVPs. I do sympathise with the non-repliers though, hope you get them all sorted soon.

She did rsvp though, just by text...

no, I sent them for a reason

Was devoid of quotation marks. Therefore it was not something I said to her but me expressing irritation on this thread.

As I've said Noodle, the thread isn't actually about the friend who texted.

But please carry on focusing on that.

They didnt notice the date.

Perhaps the stationary you used didnt help make the date very clear. It happens.

I dont know how far you are away from telling the caterers final numbers. But I suspect you are a little anxious now that the big day is arriving. Perfectly natural.

I would try and not make a minor hiccup ruin anything. And tbh, nothing untoward has actually happened yet.

I know sitting, this thread was probably my first and only wedding related tizz!