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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To confront DP about his atrocious eating habits?

99 replies

Keletubbie · 14/07/2014 08:32

My partner is a long term bachelor. He's 45 and I'm the first girlfriend he's lived with since uni. We've been living together for about 9 months and bar the obvious teething troubles, it's fab. I have a 6 yr old DD from a previous relationship.

But I just cannot get past the way he eats. In the past 24 hours, he's devoured 6 Mars bars and an entire pack of caramel wafers, as well as a family pork pie and a large pack of chorizo. This cannot be normal, right? Plus 6 cans of full sugar coke.

He eats whatever I put in front of him for dinner, but generally guzzles large quantities of junk food as well. I'm quite overweight, but eat a reasonably balanced diet. He's perhaps a little over his fighting weight, but tall and lanky.

My concern is primarily for his health... AIBU to mention that this is a ridiculous diet for a grown man? Don't get me started on the carpet of McDonalds packaging in his car...

OP posts:
loveableshoulder · 14/07/2014 08:36

That does seem excessive, yes!

But he has had a whole lifetime of adulthood to develop these habits, and
Possibly no one to check them. If it was me in your position I would be concerned that your dd is being shown bad ways to eat. But she is in this; don't expect him to take what you say kindly, if you do decide to say something.

Can you ask him to help you shop? Buy cookbooks and take it in turns? Stealthily and slowly introduce the matter of eating and snacking healthily, without confronting him? It might go better that waY. I think it'll take a long time though, unfortunately.

loveableshoulder · 14/07/2014 08:36

But she isn't his!

Original poster
Keletubbie · 14/07/2014 09:30

The thing is... there is no shortage of good food in the house. It seems to be a combo of laziness and gluttony!

OP posts:
Lilaclily · 14/07/2014 09:33

Get him to get his cholesterol levels checked, that might shock him
It does sound gross though

wtffgs · 14/07/2014 09:35

If he's 45 and a long term bachelor then I would rate his chances of changing at zero Sad

I married one of those and had a horrible time realising that his ingrained bad habits were not going anywhere. Is he a drinker? There is research showing a link between sugar cravings and alcoholism.

You "put food in front of him" - what does he bring to the relationship?

Purplewithred · 14/07/2014 09:39

If your concern is for his health see if you can get him health checked at his GP - they can do cholesterol and bp and do a cardiac risk score for him. But if he's healthy then why should he change his habits? Frankly if I could get away with living off pork pies and mars bars I would be ecstatic.

maggiethemagpie · 14/07/2014 09:43

Sounds like he doesn't really have a lot of reason to stop at the moment, if he doesn't have a weight problem or any health problems.

are you perhaps a little jealous that he can eat all these things without apparent consequence?

SaveTheMockingBird · 14/07/2014 09:45

Does he exercise a lot? My DH eats loads (but not a lot of sugar) more than double what I eat, but burns it all off with cycling.

HappyAgainOneDay · 14/07/2014 11:18

The picture that came into my head is that man with awful habits in (Help! I can't remember!) that sitcom with Hyacinth Bucket. I think his name began with O. He was permanently lying down or sitting and eating in a dreadful way. Keletubbie has described him to a T.

VanessaShanesa · 14/07/2014 11:27

Onslow in Keeping Up Appearances?

kentishgirl · 14/07/2014 11:45

Onslow Grin.

I don't think it's that unusual. Some men can pack it away and have hollow legs so it doesn't really effect them - and the amount of exercise makes a difference.

OH - generally good diet with loads of veggies etc, but eats a lot and also has 'treats'. Eg bought a pack of chocolate hobnobs, I had two out of the pack, next day they were all gone. Can easily scoff a whole large pork pie. Whole pots of hummous disappear, and chunks of cheese. Big lunch at work. Big dinner in evening. He's fit as anything, plays loads of sports, has job that is physically demanding.

If the overall diet is balanced so they get all their vits/mins/protein/fibre/blah blah then some extra junky calories aren't a problem if they are worked off. Maybe even needed.

NatashaBee · 14/07/2014 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chrome100 · 14/07/2014 12:18

YABU. It's his diet, his life. Don't interefere.

SaucyJack · 14/07/2014 12:23

What does he do for a living? My DP and his brother are constantly at the biscuits and McD's at work (they work together doing a physical job) but all the calories obviously get burnt off throughout the day as neither of them are overweight.

I'd only get pissed off if he was eating my chocolate stash tbh.

specialsubject · 14/07/2014 12:41

he may not be fat if he burns it off, but this diet is a heart attack waiting to happen. I'd make sure you are protected if he drops dead, regarding finances, accommodation etc. (as you should be anyway).

someone who drops litter all over a shared car and doesn't put it in the bin? Nice.

Ragwort · 14/07/2014 12:48

I think you would be very controlling to comment on your DH's diet - my DH eats a huge amount of food but is incredibly fit, does an outside job and looks a lot better than most men in their late 50s Grin.

I don't eat a particularly good diet myself and am overweight but would not be impressed if my DH made any comment about it to me or suggested 'we took turns cooking and looked at healthy recipes' Hmm.

Your partner is an adult - let him make his own choices.

The litter is a separate issue - I would be seriously unimpressed if my DH (or anyone for that matter) left empty food packaging in the car.

Tryharder · 14/07/2014 12:53

I was expecting you to say he was overweight but you say he is slim and and apparently healthy.

He's a grown man. He can eat what he wants. If he leaves litter in the car ask him if he wouldn't mind putting it in the bin.

I see no other issues.

Mintyy · 14/07/2014 12:54

Of course you wouldn't be unreasonable to talk about his eating habits with him! Of course not. That list in your op is disgusting and shocking, I cannot believe anyone could eat that in 24 hours.

Whether he decides to change or not is up to him of course, but, blimey, would others on this thread honestly not think to say "crikey dp you've had 6 mars bars and 6 cans of coke in the last day, do you think that's wise?"

If your partner can't talk to you about things like this, then who can?

Mintyy · 14/07/2014 12:55

Tryharder
So you think that all people are healthy if they are not overweight TryHarder?

gilmoregirl · 14/07/2014 13:03

I don't think you are BU at all! My new Boyf has horrific eating habits and I find it VERY off putting.

IMO as an adult you should make healthy choices and look after your body so eating a reasonable diet is essential.

My Boyf eats no fruit or veg. Ever. He drinks several cans of coke a day. Will also do what I call "binge eating" for example eating six bags of crisps in one go. He has done this several times just before we are going out to eat and then doesn't eat the meal when we are out as he is not hungry. He did this in my house when I left him unattended and went swimming - ate six bags of crisps - I find that weird.

I am fit and healthy and eat well but do eat crisps and chocolate etc sometimes, but one bag or a small amount.

I am totally with you as I think it sets a bad example to your DD to have someone in the house who eats like that. YUCK!

MaidOfStars · 14/07/2014 13:07

Recommended max added sugar daily - approx 40 g for men (that's generous).

One standard Mars bar = 30 g.
One can of full sugar Coke = 35 g.

(6 X 30) + (6 X 35) = 390 g.

Even without all the other shit and any, he's eating a whopping 10 X the daily recommended amount of added sugar.

His pancreas will soon be shot.

MaidOfStars · 14/07/2014 13:08

...and any extra sugar elsewhere...

creampie · 14/07/2014 13:12

I'd be worried about his health, too.

Maybe you could try approaching it as though you would like his help with your own diet/healthy eating plan, and ask him not to eat anything like that at home. And then don't buy it.

Obviously, you can't control what he does outside the house, but at least it cuts down his junk food window!

VerityWaves · 14/07/2014 13:15

That is so disgusting.

I couldn't stay with a man like that .

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 14/07/2014 13:16

You can't police his eating habits, and nor should you. However, you DO have the right to say it's something you can't live with, if it is that important to you. He's undoubtedly ruining his health long term - sadly, people who don't put weight on easily have fewer warning signs.

I doubt he will change.

One thing, though. Your DD may not be his, but he is an adult living in a house where a child also lives, and that means that he DOES have a responsibility towards her: to behave appropriately and to not undermine your parenting by his actions. You are well within your rights to ask him to NOT beinge on junk food in front of her - if he wants to eat six chocolate bars in a row, he does not do it in front of her, nor leave junk food litter all over the house, etc.

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