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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To confront DP about his atrocious eating habits?

99 replies

Keletubbie · 14/07/2014 08:32

My partner is a long term bachelor. He's 45 and I'm the first girlfriend he's lived with since uni. We've been living together for about 9 months and bar the obvious teething troubles, it's fab. I have a 6 yr old DD from a previous relationship.

But I just cannot get past the way he eats. In the past 24 hours, he's devoured 6 Mars bars and an entire pack of caramel wafers, as well as a family pork pie and a large pack of chorizo. This cannot be normal, right? Plus 6 cans of full sugar coke.

He eats whatever I put in front of him for dinner, but generally guzzles large quantities of junk food as well. I'm quite overweight, but eat a reasonably balanced diet. He's perhaps a little over his fighting weight, but tall and lanky.

My concern is primarily for his health... AIBU to mention that this is a ridiculous diet for a grown man? Don't get me started on the carpet of McDonalds packaging in his car...

OP posts:

BigChocFrenzy · 17/07/2014 11:51

His lifestyle seriously increases the risk of heart disease, diabetes Type 2, several cancers.
His premature death would be devastating to your family, so you are VNBU to try to avoid this.

Give him really BIG portions of your delic home-cooked food at mealtimes, 4 times per day if necessary.
If his tum is stuffed full, maybe he won't fancy so much junk.

Also, does he have the TV munchies or eat for entertainment ?
Start doing more things as a family and going out as a couple.
Drag him out on a regular evening dog walk with you and DD - explain you would enjoy his company and support.

ChelsyHandy · 17/07/2014 13:12

I don't think its that bad. In that if he ate a supposedly healthy meal of supermarket pasta, supermarket bought chicken and sauce, he might consume just as much sugar and additives. But obviously the cooked meal looks healthier.

Does he exercise or do a manual job? If so he is probably burning it off.

He eats whatever I put in front of him for dinner, but generally guzzles large quantities of junk food as well. He's perhaps a little over his fighting weight, but tall and lanky

What junk food is it? Is it MacDonalds etc or the above?

I'm quite overweight, but eat a reasonably balanced diet

I have to say I've noticed this attitude a lot in overweight women. I often wonder whether its because they think they eat a healthy diet, they can tell thinner people how to eat "properly", because it makes them feel better about being overweight. I have two SILS like this. Both are obese, but like to lecture me, who is sporty and slim with a weight that's been stable for years, on what I should eat and how likely I am to put on weight. I also notice that both take far longer to recover from colds and injuries than me. I know perfectly well that they eat too much for their energy needs and that, while they might consume some healthy foods amongst the processed sugary foods, their diets aren't good at all. I take great delight in eating a Mars Bar in front of them (I only eat sweets on rare days), even two, as it sends them into a frenzy of self-righteous lecturing. The trouble is that neither of them move very much, hence they are fat.

Bunbaker · 17/07/2014 19:41

"I don't think its that bad."

Really?

I do. It is ridiculous. If people think this type of eating is normal it is no wonder that we are a nation suffering with high levels of obesity.

FloozeyLoozey · 17/07/2014 20:09

Op no one who is "quite overweight" is eating well. I think you need to address your own diet first.

ChelsyHandy · 18/07/2014 00:27

Bunbaker "I don't think its that bad."

Really?

I do. It is ridiculous. If people think this type of eating is normal it is no wonder that we are a nation suffering with high levels of obesity.

Where did you become confused with the statement, in context, of "not that bad" and "normal"?

You would have to be some kind of specialist idiot not to know what healthy eating comprises. However, I don't think what the OP described is as bad as eating three fried meals a day, with two rich creamy puddings on top, greasy chips with everything, etc.. Remind me where I said it was normal. And if you can find any obesity on my size 8 athlete's frame, do point it out at the same time you can run faster than my sub 43 minute 10k.

RonaldMcDonald · 18/07/2014 00:34

I think that he is a grown adult who can eat what he chooses
If you want another child to boss around, have one

YABU

beijaflor · 18/07/2014 00:49

It's a terrible diet, but if you are "quite overweight" then I'm not sure why you would bring this up? He is at risk of diabetes and heart disease from all the sugar, but so are you due to your weight. On what basis do you object to his binging?

prettypink26 · 18/07/2014 00:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Iownafourinchporsche · 18/07/2014 19:30

6 Mars bars = 63 tea spoons of sugar
8 pack of caramel wafers = 20 tea spoons of sugar
6 cans of coke = 40 tea spoons of sugar

Totalling 103 tea spoons of sugar in 24 hours.

recommended limit of sugar is 7 to 8 spoonfuls a day for a grown man, which is half of what was previously recommended.

Iownafourinchporsche · 18/07/2014 19:32

I think you can be thin and unhealthy chelsey

Iownafourinchporsche · 18/07/2014 19:34

He needs protein if he's doing a manual job and slow burning carbs. Not quickly burning sugar

MrsDavidBowie · 18/07/2014 19:37

I couldn't be with someone who ate large amounts of crap like that.
Horrible.

Oblomov · 18/07/2014 19:43

We all eat a heathy diet. My kids eat all fruit and all veg.
But we also have tons of crisps, chocolate biscuits, pork pies and everything else on the house.

I can't see the problem.

Get his gp to do a health check?

diddl · 18/07/2014 19:44

Is he bored?

It seems a ridiculous amount to me.

Tell him to take up knitting!

RJnomore · 18/07/2014 19:48

He isn't doing a manual job or even exercise - op says he works in it and is quite lazy.

Op it's a shocking diet. I wouldn't want my kids seeing that. Let him kill himself if he wants, supported by half of MN it seems but don't let your child think that is acceptable.

And am I the only person wounding why YOU are clearing up afte HIS mega snack of Doritos and salsa from last night????

LongTimeLurking · 18/07/2014 19:52

I'm quite overweight, but eat a reasonably balanced diet. He's perhaps a little over his fighting weight, but tall and lanky.

So you are very fat but eat what you consider to be a healthy diet.... he is less fat but eats 'junk'.

Hmm, am I detecting some slight resentment and jealousy from the OP here?

It could be that while he eats a lot of junk he is not actually eating a lot of calories - especially if he isn't used to sitting down and eating a proper home cooked meal in addition. Also, perhaps your idea of what is a healthy meal or normal portion is wrong. Maybe he just has a fast metabolism.

I do not think it is your place to tell what is 'normal' and what he can and can't eat.

bakingtins · 18/07/2014 20:28

while he eats a lot of junk he is not actually eating a lot of calories

?????

I put that into myfitness pal - a conservative estimate of the foods mentioned in the OP is 5000 calories and 10 times the daily sugar allowance. That's double the calories he needs for the day just on junk. I'm guessing he is also eating the meals you are preparing for the family?
If that is representative and not a one off binge then he is in serious trouble.

Have you seen the Morgan Spurlock documentary "Supersize me"? I remember it being quite shocking what eating a diet of unrestrained crap even for a short time did to his body in terms of cholesterol, liver enzymes, diabetes risk etc. Is there a way you could engineer watching it together?

He needs a wake up call, preferably not in the form of a heart attack

LongTimeLurking · 18/07/2014 20:35

bakingtins
Perhaps the example OP gives isn't a typical day, he may eat less at other times.

Also, it is not necessarily double the calories he requires, his BMR might be higher or lower than average.

LongTimeLurking · 18/07/2014 20:35

Also is this not highly hypocritical from the OP?

ChelsyHandy · 18/07/2014 21:23

I think you can be thin and unhealthy Chelsey

No? Really? The revelations on this thread just blow me away.

If you are aiming the "thin" comment at me because I said I was a size 8 and a runner, I'm not "thin". I'm actually very muscular but I don't have excess fat either. I am healthy. I can tell by the speed my body heals at. I hope I stay healthy. Theres no guarantee of anything, is there? We all die eventually.

I do think there must be a lot of overweight people who claim to eat a healthy diet full of essential vitamins and minerals and containing lots of fruit and veg. But they just eat too much of it, plus crap as well. If you are eating a lot, theres a pretty good chance you will consume most of your nutritional requirements in there somehow, somewhere. The mistake some people make is that they need all the nutrients to be healthy. When in fact most people could probably starve for a few weeks and actually be healthier without doing themselves too much harm.

I make that about 3500 calories bakingtins, not 5000. Maybe even only 3000.

ChelsyHandy · 18/07/2014 21:27

BigChocFrenzy Give him really BIG portions of your delic home-cooked food at mealtimes, 4 times per day if necessary. If his tum is stuffed full, maybe he won't fancy so much junk

What an incredibly stupid idea. Just stuff him full of a different type of calorie laden food.

Start doing more things as a family and going out as a couple.
Drag him out on a regular evening dog walk with you and DD - explain you would enjoy his company and support.

Are you trying to drive the man away?

What about just leaving to have some time to himself and a little bit of personal choice in his life? Maybe he will choose to change his eating habits in time. Though if the OP is overweight, lets hope he doesn't change them to follow her pattern.

Yellowfins · 18/07/2014 21:51

Maybe he is normal weight obese with very high levels of internal fat smothering his organs

healthyliving.msn.com/diseases/heart-and-cardiovascular/thin-on-the-outside-obese-on-the-inside-1

bakingtins · 18/07/2014 22:05

I find myfitnesspal fairly accurate, particularly for processed foods where you can input the stated values from the packet. 6 mars bars + 8 caramel wafers + 6 cans of coke + 100g chorizo + large pork pie =>5000 cal and 450g sugar.
OP admits she is overweight. Perfectly possible to be overweight (BMI 25-30) and have better long term health outcomes than someone of ideal weight. If she eats a mainly home cooked diet with plenty of fruit and veg and limited amounts of processed crap she is probably much healthier than her DP. He is an adult and makes his own choices, but his current terrible choices are likely to impact on their family when they come home to roost, she is right to be concerned for his health.

treesntrees · 18/07/2014 22:14

what would he do if the unhealthy snacks weren't available?

EddieStobbart · 18/07/2014 22:14

That's horrendous. How is his liver function?

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