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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband working abroad for 3 years

54 replies

womanofdulwich · 25/06/2014 15:40

So he has a great job offer. I will not move with him though I will visit. I just finding sleeping by myself really hard.I have tried putting electric blanket on on his side of the bed and pretending it is him but its just not the same. any one care to share any tips?

OP posts:
Preciousbane · 25/06/2014 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Igggi · 25/06/2014 17:22

What are you being unreasonable about? Are you happy enough with these plans? What happens after three years? This arrangement wouldn't suit me at all, but everyone is different I suppose.

Original poster
womanofdulwich · 25/06/2014 17:27

no I am not happy about these plans!! I just don't have the energy to voice my real feelings right now. One son is about to go to uni and other one just graduated, so I can be more flexible than others.Its just the lack of sleep that is worst as it wears me out.

OP posts:
squoosh · 25/06/2014 17:29

How often will you visit? Three years is a long time for a couple to live separate day to day lives.

frames · 25/06/2014 17:30

Have you tried single bed? There would be no space then? Assuming you have a spare room or could rearrange.

Original poster
womanofdulwich · 25/06/2014 17:46

no its the body heat /comfort I miss .Once my son has gone to uni and the other one has a job I will go out there for a week or 10 days every so often. He will get 3 flights back a year. BUT Azerbaiijan?? too far away for now.

OP posts:
WhoDaresWins · 25/06/2014 17:49

You'll get used to it. I could only ever sleep on my front but pregnancy changed that. Took me a few weeks to get used to a different position. Your body and mind will adapt.

Igggi · 25/06/2014 17:57

Get a lover.
I'm only half kidding, I'd go through the roof if my dh did this, just when you thought you'd have more time together.
I suspect you'll sleep better when not supressing how you feel.

LePetitPont · 25/06/2014 17:57

Hope it goes ok. My husband spent 3 months working in London and I found that hard. Sleep wise - I got used to having the bed to myself after a while and resented him being home! I did used to snuggle his pyjamas and wish him good night anyway for the first few weeks (loser).

Could you get a dog?!

Original poster
womanofdulwich · 25/06/2014 17:57

im afraid I did 3 years of him in Milan mon to friday and i did not get used to that. I used to lift the 6 year old and have him in bed with me!hopeless case

OP posts:
Brabra · 25/06/2014 18:15

Why aren't you moving with him?

Iseesheep · 25/06/2014 18:20

Try using a body pillow. That helps me when my husband is away for long periods of time. And embrace the ability to star fish to your heart's content!

Original poster
womanofdulwich · 25/06/2014 18:29

Brabra
He will be working 6 days a week in Azerbaiijan. I have commitments here and whilst I may go out more later on, we have agreed that I would be bored crazy out there! Ill check out a body pillow- wow I have just have done- that looks perfect - thanks! Iseesheep

OP posts:
Iseesheep · 25/06/2014 18:41

You're welcome! All you need to do now is arrange for the body pillow to leave clothes all over the bedroom floor and it'll be just like he never left. Or is it just my husband who does that?

MrsWinnibago · 25/06/2014 18:47

I don';t blame you for not going there. You obviously want to be at home for your older child...as for the coping without him...get a cat. It will get easier...married couples are not chained together....some distance can be good.

daisychain01 · 25/06/2014 18:47

You could also try camomile tea and a herbal sleeping tablet (drug-free, it has valerian and natural lettuce-extract) to help you relax?

Original poster
womanofdulwich · 25/06/2014 18:49

:) it also means I can leave all my stuff everywhere!

OP posts:
redexpat · 25/06/2014 20:40

Boyfriend pillow

livelablove · 25/06/2014 21:36

I have my Labrador in bed with me. Dh does night shift a lot. Dog is very comforting to snuggle up to but pants annoyingly if it is hot weather like now and is up at 5am for a walk.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 25/06/2014 21:46

Blimey boyfriend pillow has made me laugh. You can get anything online nowadays remarkable to us 70's girls - I could even buy it on one click if I wanted!
Also loving the discarded clothes on bedroom floor and you're sorted post Smile

BumpNGrind · 25/06/2014 22:04

3 years is such a long time. Has your DH worked away at other points in your relationship? I would really be concerned at a flight home every 4 months. Are you happy about him moving away?

Bellwether · 25/06/2014 22:24

I think if my husband said he was going to work in Azerbaiijan for 3 years, I'd think he had made it up and was really just leaving.

Also I'm pretty sure you'll figure out how to sleep alone after about the third day. That really isn't the issue. The issue is why he's going, why so long, why Azerbaiijan, and why you're not going. Is this really a marriage if he doesn't seem too keen to be spending time at home with his family?

Whatdoiknowanyway · 25/06/2014 22:40

Sounds like oil industry or similar?

indigo18 · 25/06/2014 22:44

Flippin eck! OP wants suggestions for sleeping, not an analysis of all that is wrong in her marriage. Some marriages can survive one partner working away. It doesn't mean she should LTB

Igggi · 25/06/2014 22:50

OP has said "I just don't have the energy to voice my real feelings right now". That doesn't sound to me like someone who just needs sleep tips.

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