Husband working abroad for 3 years

[womanofdulwich]

So he has a great job offer. I will not move with him though I will visit. I just finding sleeping by myself really hard.I have tried putting electric blanket on on his side of the bed and pretending it is him but its just not the same. any one care to share any tips?

[BumpNGrind]

If it works for some couples then go for it, but the OP doesn't sound happy about it and three years is a long time to see out a decision you aren't happy about.

[Burren]

I think a lot of people are shocked and rather inquisitive about long distance relationships that demonstrably 'work'. We did an international commute six months a year for seven of the last ten years (one of us travelled every second weekend), and people's responses could be quite strange. It suited us, as we were both very work-focused, and we have been happy together for more than 20 years.

[whatever5]

I think that you will probably just get used to it after he has been gone for a bit of time...

I would ignore people's negative comments. DH lived abroad for three years near the beginning of our relationship (we had been going out for a year before he went). We phoned each other a lot, and emailed and we are still together more than twenty years later. I good relationship will survive a bit of time apart.

[GilmoursPillow]

Did I miss the bit where OP's DH said he didn't want her to move too?

[Weathergames]

Sometimes people need to work away from their families.

Fact.

[Igggi]

Not in the forces though is he? There is more to life than money. Such relationships need both partners to be up for it, and the OP clearly isn't - communication is key and she is not talking to him about her feelings.

[Weathergames]

It's not my ideal situation (esp as we have 6 kids scattered across the country!!) and when he's not at sea he's still 500 miles away but when I met him he was in the Navy so it's part of who he is, we love each other and we choose to make it work.

I'm quite proud of him too actually :)

[Montybojangles]

Really Weathergames CaptChaos ? Bloody hell, people really must have nothing much to do/think about if they actually spend time questioning other families perfectly fine living/working arrangements!

[sandgrown]

My brother was in Uzbekistan for 3 years. SIL did go out too but did not settle as did not speak the language and she is not very outgoing. He travelled back a few times a year and we went to see him. SIL settled down to life on her own and says it was more disruptive when he was working in London and coming home every weekend. You need plans with friends and family, work or volunteering and a hobby or project to fill your time.

[BettyFlour]

"Why are people questioning him working away. Lots of family's do it. You go where the work is."

^this Monty says it exactly.

Also offshore workers can be away for a month and back for a m

[beccajoh]

Loads of couples live like this. It absolutely does not mean one person is playing away. Usually it's done for money £££ (oil can be particularly KERRRCHING).

[CaptChaos]

Monty you would be amazed at what people feel it's ok to question forces families about!

[Weathergames]

Monty I am a forces wife and it has been suggested on here before that OH should leave his job to be nearer and more involved with his children :)

[Montybojangles]

The dog sleeps on the bed next to me when oh is working away. Company and security.

Why are people questioning him working away. Lots of family's do it. You go where the work is. Would you be questioning a forces wife in the same way??

[MadonnaKebab]

I'd want to get to the bottom of why he's so keen to go
And why he isn't keen for you to join him, when there's nothing really stopping you
But then I'm an old cynic

[butterfliesinmytummy]

We had the first 6 months of last year ear apart, except for about 4 weeks. Dds were 8 and 4 and it was hard work, plus we were preparing to move country. Communication wasn't great because of the 13 hour time difference, one of us was always sleepy or just waking up!

I know couples in the oilfield business who spend years apart except for occasional visits, mostly because they don't want to upset schooling or leave a job etc but it can really put a marriage to the test.

[Scuttlebutter]

DH works away a lot during the week, and we've previously had a year where I was working 200 miles away from him, so were living separately and meeting up on weekends.

There are times when it's not easy but it's perfectly doable. We have four dogs so there's never any shortage of company in bed.

Like others, I agree it doesn't suit everyone but we find it works well for us. I am extremely busy in the week when he is away and we make sure that all the time we spend together as a couple is not wasted.

While he's away, we talk,email constantly. I strongly suspect that because we really make an effort, we probably actually communicate more than many couples who live together but do long commutes etc and don't bother to talk much.

[CaptChaos]

For the first few years of our marriage, DH was home for less than 2 months a year, with several stints of 4 months+ of not actually seeing him at all.

I coped in pretty much the same way as weathergames. Lots and lots to do all day. I also may or may not have put about 15 stones worth of stuff into several bags and put them on his side of the bed.

We're apart again during the week. I find Friday's the most difficult, it's lovely having him home, but not so lovely having to share a bed, being alone makes you quite selfish!

Good luck with it all, I hope you enjoy your visits out there!

[Begsysbest]

My husband has worked abroad for 4 years, he comes home four times a year for three weeks. I honestly don't think we could live any other way now.

[Weathergames]

I wear OHs aftershave too

[lettertoherms]

As far as sleeping - I use a body pillow when away from DP. As weird as it sounds, he also leaves me a t-shirt he's worn, which I drape on the pillow so it smells like him. It's comforting.

[Igggi]

What about seeing the dcs? I know they aren't little, but late teens/early twenties probably would still like a bit of time with their dad too...

[Weathergames]

OH and I have been together 5 years.

The whole time he has been in the Navy the last four years have all had a 4 month continuous period of no contact at all.

Ways I cope.

Make lots of plans with my friends.

Try not to feel too self pitying (and if I do to be alone or with VERY understanding friends)

Keep very busy and do things I wouldn't do if hex was around.

Write a small part of a letter to him most days (esp when really missing him)

Not count down the time until he comes home.

Sleep starfish in the bed.

Mumsnet

Facebook.

Watch my favourite films when I need comfort.

Feel lucky that I have lots of good friends and a busy job.

Good luck OP :)

[butterfliesinmytummy]

I lived in Azerbaijan (Baku) for 18 months, loved it. I worked in a uni and a language school teaching English but there is a thriving expat scene and loads of voluntary work. I couldn't do 3 years apart, would you consider spending some time there once your youngest is at uni?

Also, just a word of warning. Expat men are seen as a ticket out of Azerbaijan by many local girls and 2 of dh's team of 10 married Azeri girls. 3 others had local girlfriends (in addition to their wives back home). Not saying that it happens to everyone or that it will happen to you, but take care.