to be upset by this comment from my best friend?

[jojomo]

At a dinner last weekend with some friends and family including my brother and sil (who is also my best friend) we were discussing a friend who had recently had to re-home a much loved dog. I said, 'imagine having to give up one of your kids' and sil said, 'well, of course you'd give up ds2'. I let it pass at the time as I didn't want to spoil the night but am quite hurt actually to know that's how she feels about my son...my ds2 is hard work (he's tantrummy and 3 basically) but of course I love him. I don't have a preference between my children but clearly she does and now I know it! The question is do I just let this go for the sake of family harmony or do I say something to her as I can't seem to get it out of my head? She's phoning tonight...!

Was it not a joke?

What a horrible thing to say. I'd be upset too but don't know if I'd mention it now if I didn't say anything at the time. If you have that kind of relationship with her that you'd feel comfortable bringing it up now then fine.

Ouch, that must have stung. But are you sure she didn't mean it in a jokey, 'kids eh?' sort of way?

Ill-judged though, you never talk badly of someone's child, tis never your place to make fun.

what an odd thing to say. and upsetting too. and not remotely funny.

i'd wait until the time's right, and you're a bit less pissed off with it?, to make some witty retort about how rude she was. (i can't think of any witty/pithy/intelligent retorts though). it's not even funny.

why did it upset you?

I suppose it could have been...I guess that's what she'll say if I bring it up. Perhaps I'm being over-sensitive. It didn't feel like a joke to me.

I would think that was a joke.

Unless you see it as a dig?

YABU. I think you are taking a flippant remark to heart. Move on and don't bring it up.

However, if she takes another pot shot at ds2 then challenge her on it.

How do you get from that that she has a preference?

I would assume that it was an ill thought out "joke" that you'd rehome your in your own words "hard work" child.

I would just tell your friend it upset you, if she's such a good friend you can talk it out. I'm sure it was just an attempt at humour however not funny it was.

You've left it too late. Let it go.

Maybe she knows you struggle and said it because of that?

A usual response to that would have been 'god, yes I would at the moment!! I'd ask for him back once he's finished being 3!!' Or something like that- a bit jokey!

Do you think she accidently hit a bit of a nerve?

I think it was a joke, Its the sort of thing I can imagine people saying about my number 4 who is also a handful

It depends.

Do you complain to sil about ds2?

If so I would have taken it as a joke.

It hurt because I assumed she loved my children equally as I do - she is their auntie after all. I love hers.

I agree that if you have ever complained about ds2 then it's a follow from that.

Best to say something to her or these things can fester between you.

Had he just been particularly hard work - or do you mention on a regular basis to her what hard work he is?

It sounds like a joke that's gone wrong.

I have a friend whose child I unfortunately just don't like, I therefore am VERY careful about what I say about the child!

She probably does love them equally.

My daughter has always obviously been harder work than my son.

I understand why you feel sensitive about this, but if she has regularly heard you jokingly say things along the lines of 'he's a nightmare - why me? Anyone want him? Free to a good home' etc etc, then she probably just made a spur of the moment quip and thought it harmless and a bit of fun.

If you've complained about him before then I would take it that she meant it as a joke, nothing more

She didn't announce that she didn't love him, she just made a silly remark/joke I think.

Like I say, he is hard work. I have two boys, they are competitive with each other - DS2 has just turned 3, he is tantrummy and determined to be heard over his big brother. SIL has two girls who seem to adore each other and theirs is a more peaceful house than ours! I suppose I do complain when we are talking but doesn't everyone? I just wouldn't distinguish between children that way.

I think if she is your best friend you need to take it as a joke. I may say something similar about one of my DC who is being particularly hard work at the moment (obviously not in their presence!) but it doesn't mean I have favourites at all in reality. Just a joke.

If it were my SIL I'd be mightily offended but she is the kind of person who would say it deliberately to hurt me.