to be upset by this comment from my best friend?

[jojomo]

At a dinner last weekend with some friends and family including my brother and sil (who is also my best friend) we were discussing a friend who had recently had to re-home a much loved dog. I said, 'imagine having to give up one of your kids' and sil said, 'well, of course you'd give up ds2'. I let it pass at the time as I didn't want to spoil the night but am quite hurt actually to know that's how she feels about my son...my ds2 is hard work (he's tantrummy and 3 basically) but of course I love him. I don't have a preference between my children but clearly she does and now I know it! The question is do I just let this go for the sake of family harmony or do I say something to her as I can't seem to get it out of my head? She's phoning tonight...!

Yes, but she didn't say, "I know why one I'd get rid off" in reference to your son - it sounds to me like she was refering to the issues I'm sure she knows about that YOU have had with your "hard work" son, not to how she feels. And it's highly likely she was just kidding around - I'd certainly feel that I could say this to my best friend / sibling without them taking it the wrong way! On the other hand, I'd never say it to my SIL as she is super touchy and unreasonable, and takes things the wrong way just to be contrary.

Massive over-reaction. If my DH or DD are being particularly trying, I'd joke in the same way. Difference is, we are all confident that we all love each other deay despite all of us having our moments. It doesn't bother any of us.

it's an ill judged joke because she's either witnessed a tantrum or you've talked about them. I'd let it go if this is the first thing she's ever said. Obviously if there's a history of horrid comments have it out with her.

I think I will have to leave it...I should have said something at the time. Ok, I will button my lip and move on! Thanks all.

I would have said that to my best friend if her DS was going through a pain in the arse phase.

But she would know I'm joking and laugh about it too

I asked my friend if she was ready to Ebay her dd the other week. She knew I was joking!

it says more about what she thinks you think about your ds2, if anything

I don't think she was saying anything about how she feels about your children so stop stressing over something that wasn't said. However, you are upset with her and you should talk to her about it. No need to button your lip and it might make her think about what she says. You are finding your son difficult so of course it is going to hurt if you think people think you would rehome him.

But I don't think she was announcing a preference, just making a jokey acknowledgement that your younger son is at a trying stage, presumably based on your own comments.

(Though the original comparison between re homing a pet and giving up a child is a bit of a mad leap, anyway...)

She was JOKING!!

Not that I don't know why you're hurt, OP -I'm the only one of my siblings to have a child, and my younger sister in particular has at times made it clear that she thinks my current life (with an adorable but shouty and often snot-smeared toddler) looks terrible from the outside. It can be difficult not to take it personally.

Yes, Burren...but not to the dog mad friends who were completely distraught at having to re-home one of them!! Those dogs ARE children as far as they are concerned!
I think I will ponder it all a bit more this afternoon and perhaps say something tonight, I know she will be upset if she thinks she's hurt me, we have been friends for over 20 years and I don't remember every being upset with her before! Thanks to everyone - I needed some extra thoughts as I don't want to involve any other family members or friends.

Dear god, you're going to 'ponder it all a bit more' and 'perhaps say something tonight'?

Just forget about it!

Surely you don't want your friend to feel as though she has to tread on eggshells around you?

I think you are massively over reacting. If you do bring it up it could damage your friendship, is it worth it for a joke?

But you were the one who asked the question in the first place. And I assume it was a flippant one. So why assume her answer was serious. Sounds to me as if you are looking for trouble. Sorry.

it was a joke, just leave it.

and at comparing dogs to children, don't think you can really be that sensitive. And I say that as a pet owner.

Don't ponder it all a bit more . Really, there is no need, you will tie yourself up in even tighter knots.

Clearly she doesn't tread on eggshells round me! Yes, I might say something...I am usually the sort of person who lets everything go but as I am bothered enough to post on here then perhaps I should!

Will she be OK if you mention it to her?

If it was me I would apologise to you and consider that I had been insensitive.

But you know her best...

And THIS is the first time you've been upset with her? I'm surprised, frankly.

I have a friend who makes 'jokes' like this. Over the years I've learnt to brush it off, but it used to sting. The only reason I don't dislike her for it is that she says worse about her own kids. It's just her heavy-handed sense of humour.

You sound like hard work OP.

Like another poster, I also dislike one of my friends chilren, but I would never even hint at the fact in front of my friend. If she actually disliked your son, it is unlikely she would have said such a thing. Unless she is a complete bitch, which it doesn't sound like.
It was almost definitely a joke. Just let it go.

Beeyump...why are you surprised?

She's your best friend, I'm fairly sure she'd be upset if she knew a jokey and flippant comment had hurt you.
I think it's the sharp contrast with her having two less challenging children and you having one demanding DS and I wouldn't take it to heart.
Don't forget either that it won't always be like this