Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dm called my toddler fat

35 replies

insaneyearsixmum · 16/06/2014 09:34

Was I ur to call her out on this. Dd 3 is bang on target v tall wears age 5 years clothes. Just popped a dress on her and before I did made a mental note it would be last time she wore it as knew it was better small for her.
dm who watched her for me whilst I got back from work told her she was getting fat. When I said please dont say that as not appreciate to say to a 3 year old girl, she chanted at my daughter you are fat 3 times. She also shouted jesus christ you cant say anything these days, then added if you dont like it you know what you can do. We were in her house. I am a sp and dd died 11 years ago. How do I handle this I dont want a row thanks

OP posts:
SecretSpy · 16/06/2014 09:35

'I don't want a row'

Well I would have a fucking row if someone insulted my child and did their best to undermine my parenting, TBH.

beccajoh · 16/06/2014 09:37

She told your daughter she was fat Angry Even if it's true WTF?! I would defo be having that row!

petitemarionette · 16/06/2014 09:42

YANBU. Chanting at a 3 year old like that? Good grief.

Why don't you want a row? Are you dependent on her for childcare?

ReputableBiscuit · 16/06/2014 09:42

MiL did this to our DD. Stupid bitch. DD is slim, by the way. DH shouted at his mum, to his credit.

Frusso · 16/06/2014 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
insaneyearsixmum · 16/06/2014 09:45

Not dependent for childcare but she can get nasty and then be nice again the next minute. I just want her to see its no fair to say that to 3 year old.
if she starts up she can shout ann
d scream for up tp 2 hours, dont need that right now

OP posts:
CSIJanner · 16/06/2014 09:48

Oh dear - not UR at all. YANBU to call her out on this. She chanted it in front of a 3yo? Does your mother have food issues? Because if that's the case, this would be a situation to remove your child from.

Your mum was watching DD as you were at work - was this overnight or daytime? If the latter, I would loom to putting DD into a preschool with some sort of potential after school care. The last thing you want is for your DD to start thinking that she needs to diet.

CSIJanner · 16/06/2014 09:50

Cross posted. Your mother shouts and screams for 2 hours if she's crossed? I think you need to visit stately homes as your mothers behaviour is toxic and controlling. Being nice reels you in, flies off on one if she's contradicted.

You're right - you don't need it because a having an adult tantrum for 2 hours is pretty much unacceptable behaviour.

ManchesterAunt · 16/06/2014 10:00

You can't change other people. You can't make her see it is unreasonable.

You can only change YOU.

If you do not like what she is saying you have the choice to listen, or not. You have the ability to warn your mother what consequences will happen if she talks like that again. You have the ability to not listen to her rant for 2 hours.

You have control over your life. Take it.

DoJo · 16/06/2014 10:03

Well, you don't like it, and as she so delightfully pointed out, you know what you can do! Limit her contact and avoid seeing her unless she is prepared to accept that you have the right to decide how to parent your own daughter. I'm guessing that nobody normally calls her bluff when she demands his her way or no way - maybe you should be the first and show her that you will not compromise when it comes to your daughter.

TheIronGnome · 16/06/2014 10:45

Wow! I'd have been straight out that door, not to return! What despicable behaviour from your M.

peggyundercrackers · 16/06/2014 10:52

I wouldn't let it bother me - im not sure 3yr olds understand the negative meanings of being fat and the health issues that come with being fat.

verbally abusive? please....

CoffeeTea103 · 16/06/2014 10:55

Verbally abusive? Hmm

dawndonnaagain · 16/06/2014 10:55

Yes, Peggy verbally abusive.
I developed psoriasis at the age of three due to my mother. It always cleared up when I stayed with my Grandmother for a while. Hmm

Artandco · 16/06/2014 11:02

I wouldn't be happy with that.
However are you sure she's not a bit overweight? My son is 3 is off the scale for height ( was 99th centile for height, now taller.) He's average weight and would never fit in 5 year old clothes. I generally buy age 3, but he still fits In many 2-3 year old clothes

TheLostWinchesterWife · 16/06/2014 11:07

Regardless of whether the OPS DD is overweight or not the action of the DM is wrong. If she is worried the childis overweight she needs to say to the OP NOT the 3 year old child.

HecatePropylaea · 16/06/2014 11:25

She can shout and scream for 3 hours?

If you are in her house, you leave. If she is in yours, you escort her to the door and boot her out.

She has no business screaming at you and there is no earthly reason you should stay and listen.

And yes, to chant fat fat fat at a child is the wrong thing to do. You need to switch from child mode to parent mode, iyswim. Instead of relating to your mother as her child, relate to her as the parent of your child, if that makes sense.

diddl · 16/06/2014 11:33

Well I'd handle it by never seeing her again.

She chanted "you are fat" at your daughter?

Is she quite well?

losingmybelt · 16/06/2014 11:34

She is well out of order.
Maybe a good idea to discuss things with her when you are both in a relaxed mood. You can then lay down her some ground rules.

HayDayQueen · 16/06/2014 12:17

You're asking us how to get an unreasonable and vicious person, who has the ability to be nasty and scream at you for hours on end, to suddenly listen to you and behave in a reasonable manner?

Can you seriously not see that you're asking for the impossible here?

DizzyKipper · 16/06/2014 13:02

I have to agree with HayDay, I do think hoping you can somehow get your mum to behave in a reasonable manner is probably asking the impossible. What struck me is that because you told your mum how you felt about what she'd said she then used your daughter to get at you. She sounds quite unpleasant - what was she like to you when you were growing up?

5Foot5 · 16/06/2014 13:08

Hang on - are we all at cross-purposes here?

I assumed the OP meant that if the DD was upset she could shout and scream for 2 hours - which I suppose is not unusual in a toddler.

But everyone seems to be taking it that it is the Mum who can shout and scream like that.

Which did you mean OP? If it really is your Mum who does that then stay the hell away! I couldn't be dijg with any adult who behaved like that.

HayDayQueen · 16/06/2014 13:37

I assumed mum, but reading back you're right, it's not exactly clear.

But regardless of WHO can shout for 2 hours, what she HAS said about her mum still means she's a nasty, vicious woman.

pointythings · 16/06/2014 14:35

Art both my DDs were in 4 to 5 clothes at age 3. They needed the length. I was forever taking in waistbands...

madbutnormal · 18/06/2014 15:00

Dd is not fat just height of avg 5 year old. Its dgm who screams for up to two hours. Just insults and bringing up the past and threats.
childhood looking back was rows between parents, beatings from dm but never dad, who cleared off several times. He is dead now but have over past few weeks come to realise she is difficult. Its her way or highway