dm called my toddler fat

[insaneyearsixmum]

Was I ur to call her out on this. Dd 3 is bang on target v tall wears age 5 years clothes. Just popped a dress on her and before I did made a mental note it would be last time she wore it as knew it was better small for her.
dm who watched her for me whilst I got back from work told her she was getting fat. When I said please dont say that as not appreciate to say to a 3 year old girl, she chanted at my daughter you are fat 3 times. She also shouted jesus christ you cant say anything these days, then added if you dont like it you know what you can do. We were in her house. I am a sp and dd died 11 years ago. How do I handle this I dont want a row thanks

[justmuddlingalong]

Your DM is a spiteful, toxic bitch. Is there nowhere else you can go to get away from her?

[madbutnormal]

Yes nc and forgot. Well dont care if it outs me. Ds year 6 came back from camp last night and she kicked off and called him an ungrateful bitch because although he called out hi, he didnt go upstairs to see her but sat on his ipad to check the football.
she had given him a fiver to spend and of course he spent the lot at the overpriced shop there.

[Pagwatch]

[Pagwatch]

Did you name change in the middle of your thread insaneyearsixmum / madbutnormal ?

What's that about?

[5Foot5]

Dd is not fat just height of avg 5 year old. Its dgm who screams for up to two hours. Just insults and bringing up the past and threats.
childhood looking back was rows between parents, beatings from dm but never dad, who cleared off several times. He is dead now but have over past few weeks come to realise she is difficult. Its her way or highway

Er - confused a bit now.

madbutnormal You posted the above but it reads like the OP did. Are you the OP but name-changed mid-thread?

If so, why is it if your Mum can shout and scream for up to 2 hours, beat you as a kid and has a "her way or the highway" attitude that it has only been the last few weeks that you have realised she is "difficult".

[Artandco]

Miaow - sorry but maybe you need to change where you buy them? Like I said mine have always been tall yet always in age clothing for age. Ds1,4 is 118cm tall - age 4-5 clothing, ds2, 3 is 108cm, age 2-3 clothing.

Ps I would never give a fruit shoot and never seen any child with one in real life

[DroppingIn]

DS (3.9) is also in age 5 clothes and has been for at least the last 3 months. His trousers/jeans are all getting too short now and I get to get ones with adjustable waists and pull them in quite a bit. Wish this bloody weather would stay warm so he can wear all the new shorts he has to wear . He is in now way fat and has been on the 98th centile for height and weight since birth.

Anyway OP. I first realised how toxic and nasty my mother was after she started on my children. I was pretty blind to it before that and 'forgot' how abusive she was to me when I was a DC. I have no contact with her now.

Yes, call your mother out on this. You are not her little girl anymore. Stand up for your DC so she never has to feel like you did.

[Pumpkinpositive]

Peggyundercrackers, what, you think the OP's mother's behaviour is ... normal?

[madbutnormal]

Dd is not fat just height of avg 5 year old. Its dgm who screams for up to two hours. Just insults and bringing up the past and threats.
childhood looking back was rows between parents, beatings from dm but never dad, who cleared off several times. He is dead now but have over past few weeks come to realise she is difficult. Its her way or highway

[pointythings]

Art both my DDs were in 4 to 5 clothes at age 3. They needed the length. I was forever taking in waistbands...

[HayDayQueen]

I assumed mum, but reading back you're right, it's not exactly clear.

But regardless of WHO can shout for 2 hours, what she HAS said about her mum still means she's a nasty, vicious woman.

[5Foot5]

Hang on - are we all at cross-purposes here?

I assumed the OP meant that if the DD was upset she could shout and scream for 2 hours - which I suppose is not unusual in a toddler.

But everyone seems to be taking it that it is the Mum who can shout and scream like that.

Which did you mean OP? If it really is your Mum who does that then stay the hell away! I couldn't be dijg with any adult who behaved like that.

[DizzyKipper]

I have to agree with HayDay, I do think hoping you can somehow get your mum to behave in a reasonable manner is probably asking the impossible. What struck me is that because you told your mum how you felt about what she'd said she then used your daughter to get at you. She sounds quite unpleasant - what was she like to you when you were growing up?

[HayDayQueen]

You're asking us how to get an unreasonable and vicious person, who has the ability to be nasty and scream at you for hours on end, to suddenly listen to you and behave in a reasonable manner?

Can you seriously not see that you're asking for the impossible here?

[losingmybelt]

She is well out of order.
Maybe a good idea to discuss things with her when you are both in a relaxed mood. You can then lay down her some ground rules.

[diddl]

Well I'd handle it by never seeing her again.

She chanted "you are fat" at your daughter?

Is she quite well?

[HecatePropylaea]

She can shout and scream for 3 hours?

If you are in her house, you leave. If she is in yours, you escort her to the door and boot her out.

She has no business screaming at you and there is no earthly reason you should stay and listen.

And yes, to chant fat fat fat at a child is the wrong thing to do. You need to switch from child mode to parent mode, iyswim. Instead of relating to your mother as her child, relate to her as the parent of your child, if that makes sense.

[TheLostWinchesterWife]

Regardless of whether the OPS DD is overweight or not the action of the DM is wrong. If she is worried the childis overweight she needs to say to the OP NOT the 3 year old child.

[Artandco]

I wouldn't be happy with that.
However are you sure she's not a bit overweight? My son is 3 is off the scale for height ( was 99th centile for height, now taller.) He's average weight and would never fit in 5 year old clothes. I generally buy age 3, but he still fits In many 2-3 year old clothes

[dawndonnaagain]

Yes, Peggy verbally abusive.
I developed psoriasis at the age of three due to my mother. It always cleared up when I stayed with my Grandmother for a while.

[CoffeeTea103]

Verbally abusive?

[peggyundercrackers]

I wouldn't let it bother me - im not sure 3yr olds understand the negative meanings of being fat and the health issues that come with being fat.

verbally abusive? please....

[TheIronGnome]

Wow! I'd have been straight out that door, not to return! What despicable behaviour from your M.