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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said no to this request?

74 replies

Hayfreever · 01/05/2014 22:35

Dh's son (my ss) 14 doesn't live with us but has asked if he can stay half term (of course), but wants to have a small party here (15/20 kids). I have said no as that is the week before my son starts gcse's and he needs quiet to revise. I have said any time after exams is fine. Dh says I am being unreasonable. Am I?

OP posts:
Infinity8 · 01/05/2014 22:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BerniesBurneze · 01/05/2014 22:37

Yadnbu!! No way. To be honest I almost said yanbu before I read about your son's gcses!

Floggingmolly · 01/05/2014 22:38

That's not a very small party!

EverythingsDozy · 01/05/2014 22:39

Has his mum already said no to having a party at hers? If not, tell him he's welcome to stay at yours but go home for a night for a party!

FunkyBoldRibena · 01/05/2014 22:40

No, party is a no goer from me. No chance.

AlpacaLypse · 01/05/2014 22:40

No, yanbu. The only way to do this sort of thing is to transfer to a 'what if they were whole siblings, would it be okay?' mental state. Which it isn't, so if he wants to have a party it's going to be when it works for everyone else.

And THEN start to think about how you're going to police a teen party Smile

Trooperslane · 01/05/2014 22:44

Um no. GCSE's trump everything else.

Original poster
Hayfreever · 01/05/2014 22:45

Thanks for your replies.. My dd has had parties so I couldn't possibly say no outright, but I know how easily distracted ds is and maths is his first exam.. Have had a flaming row with dh over this as the word 'no' is not in his vocab as far as his kids are concerned, but I have told him this is one occasion I'm not giving in! Thank you for your reassurance I am not being a cow!

OP posts:
Nocomet · 01/05/2014 22:46

YANBU

My house just about copes with ten preteens for a craft party. 15-20 full size teens wouldn't fit full stop.

And absolutely not until DD1's exams are over!

Original poster
Hayfreever · 01/05/2014 22:47

AlpacaLypse if they were whole siblings it most certainly wouldn't be ok either!

OP posts:
Ledkr · 01/05/2014 22:48

Oh no No no no. I'm on my 4th teen and its never happened yet, I can barely cope with sleepovers.

Original poster
Hayfreever · 01/05/2014 22:52

Keep it that way Ledkr because once one starts.. We've had big ones here with bouncers on door to confiscate the vodka.. Had to have my grey re-touched the following week!

OP posts:
SpringBreaker · 01/05/2014 22:54

15/20 isnt really a small party if it is in a house.. maybe you could compromise and let him have 5 of his mates over for an evening.. it is only one night so I cant see that disrupting your son too much

PortofinoRevisited · 01/05/2014 22:57

Surely a party would be one evening post 7.30 ish and would not disrupt revision THAT much? I never used to do revision on Sat night.

maddening · 01/05/2014 22:58

If they like skating/bmxing you can often hire skateparks for a couple of hours then take them to pizza hut - they get a special treat but it is outside of the house?

PortofinoRevisited · 01/05/2014 22:58

I used to find Wimbledon a much greater distraction.

maddening · 01/05/2014 22:59

Or go ape or lazer quest

Shewhowines · 01/05/2014 23:01

Well I wouldn't agree to a party like that full stop, but given that one will happen at sometime, I agree that it might as well be on that sat night. One night off revision won't hurt.

UncleT · 01/05/2014 23:02

YANBU. GCSEs are clearly the more important issue here, DH really shouldn't need this explaining.

wheresthelight · 01/05/2014 23:05

My parents allowed parties when I was a teenager and I will allow dsc's and dd to have them but not a cat in hells chances exams are looming!!!

Yadnbu and your dh is being a Twat!

To be honest I would not be surprised if he has asked his mum who has said no and is playing a smart game in knowing daddy will let him!! I would speak to his mum if you are in good terms and see what her take is on it!!

YellowTulips · 01/05/2014 23:13

That's not a small party. Personally I wouldn't allow it at any time of year in the house for either my DSD or DS.

For a birthday I'd rent out a location (village hall or other) for a gathering that size. Unless you have a very large house you are going to be over run and make no mistake - controlling a party that size will be very difficult even of ONLY those invited attend and you don't get gate crashers.

If your DH is so keen I would tell him to pay for and organise a party outside the house. Quite frankly though as there is no mention of this being a special event I think its excessive and pandering - all a bit Disney Dad tbh.

cardamomginger · 01/05/2014 23:22

Good God YANBU!

Bloodyteenagers · 01/05/2014 23:48

His mum has said no.
So he has come to the wimp of a dad who never says no. However, he forgot about you.

Can picture the conversation..
So can I come and stay half term?
Yes.
Some type of thanks... A bit of a pause.. Can I have a party, 20 people at the most...

Sunshinelaulau · 01/05/2014 23:53

If you're ok with a party offer a bigger party after the exams, it'll summer hols then too and u chuck them out in the garden (if we get summer weather)

AiryFairyHairyAndScary · 02/05/2014 00:12

YANBU not a teeny weeny bit.

Offering for DSS to have a party is very reasonable.

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