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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this financial abuse.

62 replies

ICanSeeTheSun · 29/03/2014 22:43

I have told DH he is not getting a new desktop.

It will cost over £1000 ( just on the tower)as he is a gamer, and it 'needs' to be a pc that can handle 3 eveonline accounts at 1 time with 3 seperate monitors.

We are in debt and I really don't want the plunge deeper.

Am I being financially abusive saying no to this.

This is he only enjoyment. He doesn't go out or drink, smoke, gamble. He does his fair share on childcare and will do housework if I ask of him ( I like doing housework so it very rare)

OP posts:
DingbatsFur · 29/03/2014 22:44

If you can't afford it then he doesn't need it.
You are not bring abusive! Let him save for it!

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 29/03/2014 22:45

No it's not financial abuse.

He doesn't do anything else, but neither should he because you are in debt.

When your debts are paid off and he saves his share of what's left, then he can spend it on whatever he wants.

PinklePurr · 29/03/2014 22:46

He is being an idiot!

Original poster
ICanSeeTheSun · 29/03/2014 22:46

It will have to go on finace as we have no saving.

OP posts:
ColdTeaAgain · 29/03/2014 22:47

YANBU
you are in debt, of course he shouldn't be spending a grand on his hobby! which I hope he doesn't spend too much time on

PinklePurr · 29/03/2014 22:48

Then he'll have to save first. It won't have to go on finance because it's nothing more than a toy and is not necessary.

Joysmum · 29/03/2014 22:49

It'd be financial abuse if you weren't living by the rules you're wanting him to abuse by.

Joysmum · 29/03/2014 22:49

fuck sake abide by

Original poster
ICanSeeTheSun · 29/03/2014 22:50

Sorry to drip feed, but the pc we have now is broken. Can't get the parts ( discontinued) DH is good at fixing PC so it would have only been the part.

He has searched high and low for the part with no luck.

OP posts:
PinklePurr · 29/03/2014 22:53

He'll just have to make do with a cheaper computer then. If you can't afford then he'll have to behave like a sensible adult and not a whingy entitled child.

Rauma · 30/03/2014 00:27

Eve online is not getting vastly more complex, if the laptop can handle three accounts I am sure it'll manage two for a couple of years. Alternatively get him to build a PC, cheaper and more powerful than a laptop when done even vaguely right.

Personally I think he's acting like plonker. He does not NEED to play three accounts at once, total obsessive overkill tbfh and I am a gamer with years of playing eve under my belt.

Quinteszilla · 30/03/2014 00:32

I dont get this. What part? If he has built a desktop gaming pc, then the parts are interchangeable.

My dh has built computers and servers for the last 20 years, and my 11 year old son built his computer last year. He sourced all his components online, and managed to build a top of the range high spec pc for around £400. The only thing he has left, and that he is still saving for is a top of the range graphics card, which, lets face it (bearing the crude graphics of Minecraft in mind) he does not need right now.

If my 11 year old can source components which are high spec and in his budget, I fail to see why your dh cant.

MamaMumra · 30/03/2014 00:33

If you can't afford it then it's not financial abuse. Why are you worried that it's abuse?

Quinteszilla · 30/03/2014 00:35

Is he saying it is financial abuse?

Sharaluck · 30/03/2014 00:38

I think it is ridiculous to get something so expensive in your situation!

He needs to find a cheaper version and get that (even if it is on finance) as you do say it is his only enjoyment. I don't think it fair to deny one's only enjoyment if you are in debt. But he needs to find something more affordable.

eightandthreequarters · 30/03/2014 02:01

Impossible to say from what you've told us so far. You can't afford it, so he shouldn't buy it - seems pretty obvious. But then I don't know what's gone on credit in your household, or for whom.

MamaMumra · 30/03/2014 02:03

Yes I agree eightandthreequarters

Original poster
ICanSeeTheSun · 30/03/2014 02:05

The graphics card he had has failed, can not find one compatable for the motherboard.

He says it not fair that his one and only enjoyment is being taken away.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 30/03/2014 02:07

Youre in debt,so no pricy fripperies.if you were solvent it's different.but you're not

Original poster
ICanSeeTheSun · 30/03/2014 02:15

Loans was to get this house sorted, it was bad no carpets, curtains, bed that's had springs coming out of the mattress. Washing machine broken down, tumble drier that kept breaking down, fridge on the brink. We both decided enough was enough got a £7000 loan decorated the house from top to bottom, new carpets, new appliances and treated our self to a dishwasher.

Then got another loan to pay off all the overdrafts, store cards and credit cards, rent arrears and water arrears (all cancelled now and up to date)

In 32 months we will have no debts, I have vowed that never again I would get into debt.

OP posts:
Original poster
ICanSeeTheSun · 30/03/2014 02:16

A lot of other things in this house on top.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 30/03/2014 02:17

You're a pure trooper,sensible.he needs to stop acting like a plooky teen in COD

MamaMumra · 30/03/2014 02:17

Tell him to be more creative OP

Surely there must be a cheaper way?

Original poster
ICanSeeTheSun · 30/03/2014 02:24

I just really need to get out of debt

OP posts:
MamaMumra · 30/03/2014 02:39

It's not really a priority though is it? My DH is a gamer too so it can understand that your DH sees this as a priority but it isn't really.
Being sensible with money / debts isn't the same as being as being abusive but it all hinges on whether you can afford the new PC or not.

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