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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think some people don't have a CLUE!?

93 replies

BumpyGrindy · 08/03/2014 22:48

DH and I don't earn a lot. I can't drive and I am sick of people saying "Oh you need to get driving lessons..."

No shit Sherlock!

DO these people have no idea how much they cost! I can't even afford the frigging licence!

I wouldn't mind a one off remark...but really....there are certain people saying it weekly to me and I want to say "Oh you're right! Yes...well once ALL OUR MONEY HAS GONE ON LIVING then how about you pay for them?"

Are people really this ignorant about how much others have to live on?

OP posts:

Sars123 · 08/03/2014 22:51

Unfortunately it is my opinion that people will tell you their opinion whether you want it or not! The only thing you can do is ignore them. Good luck

Fusedog · 08/03/2014 22:54

Op can't oh help you learn in his car?

It works out a lot cheaper and then you need only a few official lessons so to speak

Original poster

BumpyGrindy · 08/03/2014 22:54

I want some one liners that will let them know...without actually saying "See me? I'm as poor as a fucking church mouse....driving lessons to me are as accessible as a yacht is to you... is so shut your gob!"

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 08/03/2014 22:54

YANBU and once you get past the price of the lessons/test, you have the constant expense of running a car.

I can drive but I'm just not cut out to be a driver, so I sold my car 13 years ago and never looked back.

DH doesn't drive either and because we live in a London borough with fantastic links to transport, we just don't need to.

It doesn't stop the world and his wife telling us we should though.

LadyBeagleEyes · 08/03/2014 22:55

Yes, especially on MN.
Learn to drive seems to be the advice given on a lot of threads. Lessons alone are £25 a week and then the rest, and it's usually given to women who aren't working, like it's such a simple solution.
And it's not as if it takes 5 minutes, it's a long process with the possibly of not passing anyway.
And then affording to run a car.

Original poster

BumpyGrindy · 08/03/2014 22:55

Fuse We have a car which we can't even afford to keep on the road and as I said I can't even afford the LICENCE!

OP posts:

EduCated · 08/03/2014 22:56

YANBU, though I have a different problem in that I'm shit at driving tests. Actual driving in lessons and on practising, I'm fine, come the test and I'm like a drunken monkey in a three-wheeled go kart.

Learning to drive is expensive, and can take a looooong time, and is certainly not the straightforward answer some people like to make it out to be. There are also many people who can't drive for various medical reasons, some of whom are never going to be able to drive.

ExcuseTypos · 08/03/2014 22:56

I'd just say something like "yes, I'd love to have driving lessons but I can't afford it at the moment".

Just be honest and that should stop them asking again.

supermariossister · 08/03/2014 22:57

I am in the same position as you and am told on a weekly basis that I must learn to drive. same as you have said about the costs too, I live on less money each week than the provisional costs. it really annoys me but noone seems to accept that we really can't afford it. infuriating isn't it

Original poster

BumpyGrindy · 08/03/2014 22:57

It's just so frigging ignorant. Like I've never thought "Oh it would be handy to be able to drive...why didn't I think of it before?"

OP posts:

Original poster

BumpyGrindy · 08/03/2014 22:58

Mario I would LOVE to let people know what we live on. Their jaws would bust from hitting the floor so hard. These are people who think they're having a hard time because they're only getting one holiday abroad and a few weekends away instead of three big breaks.

Camping is a big expense to us...so when people say "Oh go camping it's so cheap" I want to poke their eyes out.

OP posts:

Thisvehicleisreversing · 08/03/2014 22:59

I don't drive either because we can't afford it.

My 'friend' is constantly tutting and rolling her eyes about the fact I don't drive. She says things like "but once you've done it you've got it for life"

She doesn't get that it is totally unaffordable for me but then again she doesn't understand how lucky she is that her DH already owned a house outright before they got together and she has new cars every couple of years.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 08/03/2014 23:01

I have slightly different things said to me.
I've driven since I was 18 (I'm now 47)
DH passed his test 20+ years ago and drove once never again.

When I say "DH doesn't drive" I get "Oh can't he learn, you could teach him"

"DH doesn't drive, not that he can't drive"

MIL said "You should make him drive"
Erm, there are enough nutters on the road. My DH is very unhappy behind the wheel. For him it's bus and train.

Original poster

BumpyGrindy · 08/03/2014 23:03

70 my Aunt is like that...she learned but driving is torture to her. She gets massively anxious about it and so doesn't do it. People are so rude...they ask too many questions.

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 08/03/2014 23:04

This used to drive me insane as well, it wasn't just the lessons, it was the fact that the cheapest insurance I found, using all the tricks like adding an experienced driver etc, was going to be £2000 for the year. Totally and utterly unattainable for us.

I think sometimes people have no idea what it's like to live very close to the breadline.

The only people I know who are poor and can drive learned while they were still living at home with their parents. Unfortunately my parents couldn't have afforded to pay for lessons or insurance either!

I'd love to pay for DS to learn to drive when he's old enough. Would make things so much easier for him.

WorraLiberty · 08/03/2014 23:05

Exactly the same here 70is, people assume the I don't drive is an I can't drive.

If you're not cut out for driving (and not everyone is) then keep off the bloody roads.

I know how to drive, I'm just absolutely shit at it.

bigkidsdidit · 08/03/2014 23:05

Yes. I've just learnt, aged 32. I think,all in all, it's cost me about £1000. It is very, very expensive.

scottishmummy · 08/03/2014 23:08

Totally agree!its that mn shite of get your hair highlighted!buy a car for two bob

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 08/03/2014 23:08

Worra you'll remember the Fiddlers Roundabout (before it became a crossroads)
DH drove up Heathway, without his L Plates, round Fiddlers......
I was cacking myself but stayed silent.

He never drove again (though he'd drive with L Plates fairly ok). Once they're gone, he was fair game (these were the days before the P plates)

Permanentlyexhausted · 08/03/2014 23:09

I can see it must be annoying, but ...

Why are people saying this to you? Are they just randomly stopping you and saying you should get driving lessons? Or are they responding to something you've said? What I'm getting at is that if you are saying something like "I hate the bus, it's always late" or "It's difficult to do a weekly shop when you have to carry it home on the bus" or "It's not easy to get to x on the bus" and they are then responding with "You need to get driving lessons" then it's in your hands. In other words, don't invite people to comment on your transport issues by bringing them up.

Obviously if they are just poping up in front of you and telling you to get driving lessons, there's no hope!

Original poster

BumpyGrindy · 08/03/2014 23:10

Yes the insurance is scary! We have a car thanks to a friend of a friend who gave us his Dad's car when his Dad died...very generous but we can't afford to drive it!

Making me mad it is! I am currently thinking of downsizing our rented house to a flat...much cheaper. We could actually drive then and also have some weekends away. Downside is no garden on the one I'm currently looking at...BUT it's in an absolutely stunning area...with some amazing countryside on the doorstep. So I am very torn. We could save 300 a month on rent! And it's a secure tenancy.

OP posts:

rubyflipper · 08/03/2014 23:11

But if you're shit at driving, then it means you can't drive.

BertieBotts · 08/03/2014 23:13

IME it's usually when someone suggests something which is off limits to you and you say "Oh I'd love to/that's a great idea, but I don't drive" or explaining that no it doesn't take you 10 minutes to get to X place but it takes longer because you have to walk or wait for a bus.

That's when they come out with, oh, you should learn, as though it's really surprising to find an adult who doesn't drive (in fairness I think that it's become vastly more expensive in recent years so it's more people who passed before this time who are surprised) and as though it's as easy as opening up a facebook account or something.

thinking101 · 08/03/2014 23:13

Say ' thats not a financial priority for us right now'

or 'I'd love too but our budget is already committed to other things'

or 'we've decided to go green and not add to the pollution'

or 'like I said last week, its not for us at the moment'

or 'do I have to spell it out to you? then then walk off.

BertieBotts · 08/03/2014 23:13

Go for that flat!! With countryside around you don't need a garden.

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