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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some people don't have a CLUE!?

93 replies

BumpyGrindy · 08/03/2014 22:48

DH and I don't earn a lot. I can't drive and I am sick of people saying "Oh you need to get driving lessons..."

No shit Sherlock!

DO these people have no idea how much they cost! I can't even afford the frigging licence!

I wouldn't mind a one off remark...but really....there are certain people saying it weekly to me and I want to say "Oh you're right! Yes...well once ALL OUR MONEY HAS GONE ON LIVING then how about you pay for them?"

Are people really this ignorant about how much others have to live on?

OP posts:
Valdeeves · 09/03/2014 01:18

YANBU - as one who took years to drive, I could have had two five star, long haul flights for the cost. And lets not get into the bone crushing boredom of the lessons......

Valdeeves · 09/03/2014 01:19

Holidays I mean!

WanderingAway · 09/03/2014 08:11

I would love to drive but i just cant afford it so when people say that i should learn to drive i get a bit annoyed and upset.

TheArmadillo · 09/03/2014 08:23

I can drive, but have no car (too expensive). Dh has never learnt to drive.

We walk, cycle or if necessary catch the bus. PIL sometimes take us places. I have hired a car before to go on holiday.

It's the idea that no one can survive without a car. Yes there is probably some places you can't but mostly in urban areas in this country there isn't a problem. And the once or twice a year when having a car would make things more convenient is not worth the poverty it would put us in (i.e. not enough for food or rent).

We are probably a lot fitter than most people, especially the ones who can't understand how we cope without a car Wink

treaclesoda · 09/03/2014 08:41

BumpyGrindy huge apologies! I read your other post wrongly and thought that she was the cyclist and you were driving.

So sorry Blush

In that case, to get back to your original question, you're right, people don't have a clue that often when when you say you can't afford something, you really really mean you can't afford it. Not quite the same but I remember being patronised horribly by a friend (well, an ex friend) because we never went on holidays. 'Travel is so important, it's really sad when people don't want to leave home, no matter what happens I make sure I get abroad every year'. It made my blood boil because we were living hand to mouth, no money left over and I would have given anything to have been able to go abroad. People are very thoughtless a lot of the time.

bobot · 09/03/2014 10:11

I'm in exactly the same position. If op can't afford the provisional licence there isn't really the option of dh teaching her in their car either. It also requires having someone to look after the kids, which we just don't have.

LimitedEditionLady · 09/03/2014 12:01

Ive just passed,took hardly any lessons fue to cost and just got the instructor to show me how to do things correctly but tortured myself and dh arguing in our car while I practised, nearly split us up and has caused me anxiety because he constantly picks at my driving.Now I cant afford my own car as yet and people like to ask me constantly when Im getting a car which guts me at times.You cant win.

headinhands · 09/03/2014 12:08

Oh god I used to get similar when I was in a flat on benefits 'oh you should get someone in to make you some lovely deep shelves' etc etc. and I'm stupidly nodding along knowing I've got £4.30 in my purse to last 3 days.

Dahlen · 09/03/2014 12:11

I've always felt that being able to drive is such an important life skill for anyone living outside of an urban centre that it should form part of the national curriculum personally. But that's just me.

When I learned to drive years ago it was really cheap. I am staggered at how much it costs now.

But OP you haven't answered the question about why people are saying this to you.

Latara · 09/03/2014 12:25

Some people just don't listen and you have to repeat yourself over and over again.

monicalewinski · 09/03/2014 12:25

I have been guilty of saying "why don't you learn to drive" to people before Blush.

I've never ever meant it in a smuggy way though, it's said out of a sense of not actually realising that I am as old as I am. I learned to drive 22 years ago at 17 whilst still at school - lessons were not as cripplingly expensive as they are now (I managed to pay for them with my Saturday/after school job wages), and you didn't have to do theory test then, insurance wasn't as ridiculously high as now and petrol was loads cheaper.

I think a lot of people that seem to flippantly throw the "learn to drive" line out are probably like me - so used to being a driver that it just doesn't occur to us that it's not as simple as that now.

Sorry!!

Essiebee · 09/03/2014 13:00

Just say, 'No, we can't afford it.' I used to get asked all the time when I was going to give up work, (divorce, children at University clearly not good enough reason) and intimate that I was doing it out of choice until one day my patience snapped, and I snapped, 'until I have paid off the mortgage!' Retreat of smug married, deeply embarrassed. I felt much more liberated, and they did stop talking quite so much about their expensive holidays round me.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 09/03/2014 13:16

YANBU OP I have spent €7k on learning to drive and I'm still not there. Obviously that includes buying a car insurance etc but I've spent €1250 on lessons alone.

The 'why don't you just use your DP's car/get him to teach you?' riles me - do people have any idea how stressful that is and also you need proper driving instruction not just someone who knows how to drive. I can read but I wouldn't waltz into a school thinking I was able to teach the kids to read. Help maybe but not teach. I had about 20 lessons before I was comfortable going in the car with my partner and not the driving instructor. And I wasn't going to drive his car either.

People are very annoying Wink

Groovee · 09/03/2014 14:20

For me driving is a life skill. I will ensure my children learn to drive when they are ready. My mum and dad tried pushing me into driving at 17, got me a shit instructor who smoked non stop during the lessons. They wanted me to drive so they could get me to drive them everywhere.

I decided to learn at 20 when I was ready. Started in the June, got lots of experience as dh made me drive every time we went out. Passed in the november and never looked back.

But I also have friends who can't drive and have no interest in learning but I'd never think of being rude and saying that they should. But some people don't know how to shush!

Edenviolet · 09/03/2014 14:34

YANBU

I've tried twice, in 2004 I did manual lessons, I was dreadful and was stressed and anxious and gave up after a few lessons.
Tried again in 2011 but automatic and I was worse, incredibly stressed before each lesson, cried and cancelled a lot but persevered as I'd got a grant to do them. Passed theory test but had to give up lessons as money ran out and I got a stomach ulcer and migraines so couldn't drive.

Trying to get the courage to try again

Original poster
BumpyGrindy · 09/03/2014 14:38

HeadinHands my friend has that! People saying "Oh this garden could be BEAUTIFUL! You should work on it....make it nice" and she's thinking "Yes if you'd like to chip in for new shrubs and paving stones and a deck!"

I'm not "answering the question" about why people say this because I don't KNOW why they say it! Hmm

OP posts:
candyapplecore · 09/03/2014 14:41

DH and I don't earn a lot. I can't drive and I am sick of people saying "Oh you need to get driving lessons..."

But surely you must be saying something to make them say this?

I know lots of people in my team at work can't drive, I hardly walk in on a Monday morning and say - "Hi, how was your weekend? By the way I've been thinking you need to get driving lessons."

You must be moaning about something whereby being able to drive would make the problem easier.

Maybe don't moan and then you won't get so enraged by their suggestion.

midnightagents · 09/03/2014 14:45

not unreasonable, me and dp are in the same situation except niether of can drive/afford lessons car tax etc. Even if we could there is no where to park it as we live in a flat. so cant forsee a time when we will be able to afford it, and its going to make school runs a fucking nightmare if we dont get the nearest one. People pointing it out just makes it more irritating, but tbh its not their fault we cant afford it so i just shrug it off most the time.

Thurlow · 09/03/2014 14:47

YANBU. I get this a lot, though there about two times a year I might mention that getting somewhere is a bit difficult due to not driving.

I don't mind it from strangers but from friends and colleagues (who I don't ask for lifts from) it drives me bonkers. They know that I have no time, between my f/t job, my DP's shiftwork, and a young DC to have 3 hours lessons a week!

candy people do just mention it in the vaguest of situations. It's very irritating. You mention that you haven't gone somewhere because there's no nearby train, something that's not even complaining, just a passing comment, and they'll start on the whole driving malarkey!

Viviennemary · 09/03/2014 14:49

I can't see what's wrong with saying we just can't afford driving lessons at the moment. It's no shame. Everyone knows learning to drive usually costs a fortune.

LollipopViolet · 09/03/2014 14:53

I get it a lot too. Only one tiny problem.

I. Am. Not. Allowed.

I can't pass the numberplate eyesight test so can't even have lessons. Always winds me up on here that driving is seen as this huge thing and if you can't, for whatever reason, you're looked down on (by some).

georgesdino · 09/03/2014 15:13

You could learn if you want as you could move in the flat

EduCated · 09/03/2014 16:13

People say it to me when I'm off to get the bus, or mention that I walk to work, or plan my journey somewhere and tell people why time my train gets in. Not moaning about these things, just mentioning them. It's like some people can't comprehend that it's possible to live without driving anywhere.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/03/2014 16:50

OP,I find the people who say things like this learned to drive years ago when lessons were cheap and the test was 15 mins long. They haven't a clue how expensive it is now!

LimitedEditionLady · 09/03/2014 17:00

Did anyone get the constant asking of when are you doing your test?Pretty annoyibg when the people eho ask you didnt have to do the theory test,hazard perception and the lengthy exam when they did it.Erm not as easy as you think!!!