Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

I think DH shouldn't get involved

65 replies

Bigmrsdragon · 07/03/2014 18:41

My SIL (my DHs sister) and her partner are expecting their first baby and have decided not to find out the sex.

However a few weeks ago I took her shopping for baby clothes and everything she chose was very girly,like a fluffy white coat with pink lining and bibs with bunnies in dresses and pink trim.
She is also very vocal saying she wants the baby to be a girl, she wouldn't know what to do with boys and a girl is her dream etc.
Yesterday I was with SIL and she said that she didn't want something her friend bought her because it was a bit boyish.

The thing is her partner doesn't know the sex and I think she is lying to him about it too. My DH is also suspicious and he wants to tell her partner that she seems to be lying to him.

I have told him not to because it isn't our business but DH really wants too and he keeps saying how unfair it is.

So should DH tell him or just leave them to it.

OP posts:

diddl · 07/03/2014 18:45

Won't her partner see the clothes and figure it out?

MyNameIsKenAdams · 07/03/2014 18:47

Hmmm....

Well, my SIL was convinced her bump was a girl - called it the girl name, bought girlie stuff etc and didnt know what she was having as baby had their legs crpssed. She just said she "knew". She was right.

I dont know how she would know the sex and him not, unless he left the room at the scan, in which case he would know she knws.

Pollyputthekettle · 07/03/2014 18:49

Leave them to it. It's their business.

Wantsunshine · 07/03/2014 18:51

Stay out of it. Maybe they both know but don't want anyone else to so are pretending they don't want to find out

WooWooOwl · 07/03/2014 18:51

There's nothing for your DH to tell. Unless you knew for sure that she has found out the sex and is hiding it from her DP, there's really nothing of any value to say, so your DH would just be shit stirring.

steff13 · 07/03/2014 18:51

I agree with you, OP, your husband should butt out. I get that it's not fair, but it isn't as though BIL won't ever find out the sex of the baby. I think it's not very nice of her to lead him to believe she doesn't know, but I also think they are each entitled to make their own decision as to whether they want to find out.

Logg1e · 07/03/2014 18:52

Is her partner in prison or just not the sleuth you and your partner are?

ikeaismylocal · 07/03/2014 18:53

Nothing to do with your dp.

My mum maintains that she just knew I was a girl. I have no idea myself when I am pregnant but some women do believe they "know" I guess with a 50/50 chance there is a pretty high chance that the feeling is correct.

I am sure her dp is aware that she is buying pink stuff, I dress ds in pink stuff anyway I would not consider a bib to be gender specific bassed on some pink trim or dancing rabbits.

scarletforya · 07/03/2014 18:57

Erm, so what?

Jux · 07/03/2014 19:03

I was convinced my bump was a girl though we had chosen not to have a gender scan. Everyone else was sure I was haivng a boy - the way my bump was lyong, etc etc etc. I was right.

You have no idea whether she is lying to her dh or is just indulging in wishful thinking.

Tell your dh to butt out.

Original poster

Bigmrsdragon · 07/03/2014 19:05

Her partner is just giving her the benefit of the doubt plus she told him that the bibs etc are unisex or that it won't matter what she dresses the baby in.

Her partner hasn't been to all the scans so she could have asked then.

OP posts:

MrsCakesPremonition · 07/03/2014 19:11

You seem very keen to stir up trouble for them.

Either she is hoping for a girl and is buying clothes as a sort of wish fulfillment, or she has a gut feeling it is a girl, or she has seen something on a scan which has led her to guess, or she has asked the sonographer (who often won't confirm the sex because it is too tricky to 100% sure).

Her partner has chosen to go with the flow and follow her lead. Why can't you accept his decision?

DuchessFanny · 07/03/2014 19:11

I wouldn't get involved, she either knows and is saying nothing, but sending out lots of signs it's a girl (in which case he will know by now surely ?!), or it's wishful thinking on her part and they will find out soon enough.

My SIL was absolutely adamant they were having a boy ... baby was a girl, they were so shocked they didn't name her for a week !

ethelb · 07/03/2014 19:13

My mother spent 9 months telling us that she "just knew" (serious pregnant woman face) that my DSis was a boy.

Luckily, it being no 3 she didn't buy anything.

wigglesrock · 07/03/2014 19:14

Maybe she wants to know & has found out by having a scan herself. You can't be privy to what goes on in people's relationships. Just leave it, it really has precious little to do with anyone else.

Casmama · 07/03/2014 19:14

What good would it do for your dh to accuse his sister of lying? He may be right or he may not be- she could be so keen on having a girl that she hasn't entertained the possibility of a boy.
I can only see downsides so think your dh should mind his own beeswax

ChasedByBees · 07/03/2014 19:16

Maybe he's decided not to know? It doesn't sound like she knows for sure either.

It is absolutely none of your DH's business.

mynewpassion · 07/03/2014 19:18

Do you and your DH have nothing to do but speculate if she or he knows and shut stir?

JollyGolightly · 07/03/2014 19:19

None of your business, or your DH's. I can't emphasise enough how shut your mouths should stay.

mynewpassion · 07/03/2014 19:19

Autocorrect. Shit stir.

itsbetterthanabox · 07/03/2014 19:28

Even if she does know does it really matter? It's her body. If she wants to know and he doesn't then I think she's being nice not telling him. Imo finding out should be the women's decision anyway.
I think you should keep out of their business.
She may very well not know the sex either. She may just be buying the things she likes. Babies are genderless so it doesn't really matter what they wear.

scarletforya · 07/03/2014 19:30

I don't get this. Even if she did sneakily find out, so what?

pictish · 07/03/2014 19:33

Of course your dh shouldn't get involved!!
Is he always such a sweetie wifey?

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 07/03/2014 19:57

It sounds a bit like your DH has reverted to childhood and wants to tell tales on his sister

Why on earth is this bothering him so much? She might know, she might not but either way is nothing to do with anyone else. It's her pregnancy, she doesn't even have to let her DH attend scans or the birth if she doesn't want to let alone tell her brother everything that's going on

Original poster

Bigmrsdragon · 07/03/2014 20:00

I'm not bothered about what SIL does but DH really wants to tell him. He says if it was him he would want to know.
I think, DH thinks he is doing the right thing. I have told him not too but he keeps bringing it up every time we see her.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3