"Gentlemans family" rage

[Snowfedup]

2 friends have had a second dc of the opposite sex and the constant comments of them being so lucky and so bessed to have the perfect family give me the rage !

Wish I had a decent response (I am from a family of 2 girls and have 2 boys myself) they just don't seem to get how insulting it is !

Yanbu, I find the 'it's so nice to have a dd, I'm so looking forward to doing girly things with her, oh yeah you don't have that do you.' Comment, As thy eye my two ds's

*they

I thought a gentlemans family was two boys followed by two girls?

After many years of research, I have come to the conclusion that people say stupid things about families. Ages, spacing, sex. Anything is fair game for idiotic comments. I find ignoring to be the best policy - and I speak as someone who has two of the same sex and expecting no. 3, so believe me I've had some ignoring to do recently!

I've always heard gentleman's family as meaning a boy and then a girl. You know, boy to carry on the name and then a girl to complete the set. Utter tosh.

I have 4 dds, whenver people commented about perceived disappointment I just said the truth "it's not like having 4 dc the same!"

I also said I was relieved that I never had to go through a Thomas the Tank Engine phase - which is also very true for me.

I have 'an heir and a spare' plus a DD - perfect surely? I still get 'oh you didn't need to have the third did you?' (DS2) You cant win whatever you have!

I think maybe they just see it as the perfect family set up because it is their setup.

I can see lots of positives about having 2 same sex children, my personal preference would be for 2 sons (already ave 1 son) and if the baby in my tummy is a boy I will probably say things like it feels so perfect having 2 boys so close in age, they can be buddies as they grow up and they are more likely to be into the same sports/hobbies and they can share a room for longer than a boy/girl. That doesn't mean that I think 2 girl or boy/girl families are unlucky or that my family is better just that I would be happy with 2 boys :)

I'd just ignore it. People talk crap.

I'm pg with dd3 and can't stand the feeling everyone thought we were going for a boy

I got those comments a lot when pregnant with DS and they gave me the rage too as I would have been equally delighted with another DD so your friends might be just as hacked off with it. It's a pretty stupid thing to say but I think most people say it for the sake of saying something.
I also got a lot of comments about how great it would be for DH to have another male in the house.

I always gush about how I hoped to have 2 the same as there's an outside chance they'll go to the same clubs and I won't have to be quite such a taxi, while smiling smugly at them.

And it's true. I didn't care what sex DD1 was, but I hoped for a girl the second time not that I'd have minded if it had been otherwise and DD2 has so far joined the same 2 activities as her sister.

Relax you will get snarky ness whatever combination. With my 2 dds I get the odd "every man wants a son" nonsense ignore!

I hate it because it's just sexist wank. Girls love shopping and boys like cars and rough stuff. Well only because you bring them up so fucking unimaginitively you cock.

YANBU, I had a DS after a DD and got totally fed up with people telling me how pleased I must be to have a "pigeon pair/the set/one of each", and telling me now I don't have to try for a third. Also, how happy DH must be to have a boy now as if DD must have been a disappointment to him. Totally bizarre, I would have been happy to have two DD.

I have the opposite problem, people say to me 'you have the perfect family as you have one of each' when I ws just happy they both made it into the world safely and couldn't give two hoots what their gender is! Why do people think like that?

I have never, ever heard the expression 'gentleman's family' before now and I'm disgusted. Jesus, the miserable obsession with class/status/correctness in Britain. Fuck the fucking fuck off.

Not you, OP. YANBU. Some people are just cocks.

I'd have thought a gentleman's family would be 2 and then 2 as isn't a 2:2 a gentleman's degree?

Either way I get so furious with people expressing their crazy shit on this kind of stuff - but ignore and be safe and smug in the knowledge that saying anything unasked for on sex/age gap/names makes them a mega twat whose opinions should be automatically discounted.

Try just having one!
Lonely only, spoilt, overindulged, socially inept and shit at sharing/caring. All comments I've had about what I'm foisting on dd as I am challenged in the fertility department. Sometimes people are thoughtless, sometimes they're just spiteful cunts. Smile and ignore, smile and ignore (or stick a fork in their hand, up to you )

According to MIL being "surrounded by women", as in me and two daughters, is a problem for DH. Presumably the best thing I could do for him is to leave and refuse contact, but I stubbornly continue to ignore MIL

I suggest you do the same OP.

My Dad used to say he couldn't stand living in a house with 3 women (me, DSis and DM), Adora, and that he was off to join the foreign legion

But he loves us really.

I get silly comments because I have 4 DCs, girl boy girl boy. If I'm in a good mood, I respond gamely with "I planned it well, didn't I?!". Problem is, I actually have five children but my eldest was SB, so they're talking such rubbish but don't realise it.

Never heard this phrase before! Is it a northern thing?

You have plenty of company in feeling the rage though op - tis one of the most frequently posted rants on Mumsnet.

I think there will always be someone who talks crap to you, regardless of your family set up. I'm the last of my family, and I had DS as a single parent, and I kept getting "Oh how nice that you're having a boy to carry on the family name".

I have two DSs and a DD. When DS2 was born I had comments, which I think were intended as comforting , such as "ah, the next one will be a girl" and "you can always try again, you are still young".

I could have understood the comments if I had been actively wanting a DD and telling people that, but, TBH I quite wanted a second DS . For one, everything baby related I owned was blue and clothing was all for a boy so it was considerably cheaper from that respect - and, also, I already had one lovely, cheeky, little boy - why wouldn't I want another?

When DD was born, we had the inevitable "how lovely, a little girl to complete your family" clearly implying that a baby boy would not have done the same. A friend of mine actually got quite upset when a mutual friend kept going on about how "having two boys is OK, but every mother needs a daughter. You are missing out if you can't have a daughter. Boys just aren't the same." etc. etc. Said friend (the one who got upset) has two DSs and is missing out on nothing - except possibly taking a DC to ballet lessons. Her boys are both football & hockey players .