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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"Gentlemans family" rage

80 replies

Snowfedup · 05/03/2014 19:34

2 friends have had a second dc of the opposite sex and the constant comments of them being so lucky and so bessed to have the perfect family give me the rage !

Wish I had a decent response (I am from a family of 2 girls and have 2 boys myself) they just don't seem to get how insulting it is !

OP posts:

maddening · 05/03/2014 21:21

I'm sure the same people will make positive comments about any new baby - if it's two boys you'd make a comment about it being lovely to have two boys and how much fun it'll be to brothers and the same for two girls.

being happy for a new addition and making a cliched nice comment does not equal a slur on the random outcome of combination of genders in another family - don't take it personally.

Bearfrills · 05/03/2014 21:21

YANBU.

I had DS followed by DD and got lots of comments about having the 'perfect' pair and a 'complete" family.

When I was pregnant with DS2 I had complete strangers asking me "was it planned?" and even FIL turned around and said "but why when you've already got one of each?! There's no third type".

DS2 is six days old and we already know there will be no more babies for us. Now the world and its wife is constantly asking us "you not going to try for a fourth?" Apparently we must now try for a fourth in order to get "a second girl to even things out".

Anniegetyourgun · 05/03/2014 21:21

If it's any help, Burren, my mother was totally the sweetest person on the face of the planet, with the possible exception of my mother-in-law, and they were both only children. My dad, on the other hand, was one of 12, and, with all his excellent qualities, had, shall we say, Issues. FIL I think was one of 7 or 8 and saying he had Issues doesn't begin to describe it...

The fork approach does have a certain appeal.

spookyskeleton · 05/03/2014 21:22

A friend has just had a DD after a DS and I have 2 boys. Someone actually said to me when we were chatting about her new born 'aw she has got 1 of each, what a perfect family' - that gave me the rage as I happen to think my family is perfect as it is

People are just insensitive!

dustarr73 · 05/03/2014 21:25

5 boys here and the shite i heard.People still ask me am i going for a girl.People just say stupid things and most of the time its water off a ducks back but sometimes you have to put them in their place.

Sicaq · 05/03/2014 21:25

Just wondered, Darling, since you called another OP a dick for no reason and here you are again being mean to an OP.

Good to know I probably didn't annoy anyone with my "How nice, one of each," Yes, I said the same blandly positive thing to my friend with three boys, now I think on it.

Ludways · 05/03/2014 21:28

I have one of each and a step dd, I have the perfect family for me.

I am also one of two girls and I feel my childhood was blessed, I adore my big sis.

Ignore them, they're just loved up and don't mean to cause offence.

Original poster

Snowfedup · 05/03/2014 21:29

Thank you for indulging me in my rant I feel better having gotten it off my chest! My grandmother (mums mother-in-law) unbelievably favoured my dad over his sister and never let my mum forget how disappointed she was not to have a grandson, maybe that's stayed with me !

OP posts:

Ludways · 05/03/2014 21:42

Although I have a mix of children and come from a family of girls, I've always thought how lovely it would be to have a big brood of boys. I've always loved the film Seven brides for seven brothers, lol!

My dad always said "I live in a house full of women, even the dogs a bitch!" With a twinkle in his eye.

LJBanana · 05/03/2014 21:42

I remember after giving birth to DS 2 a health care assistant asking what we already had, then tilting her head and saying she had 4 boys- and I'd get a girl one day when one of my boys got a nice girlfriend.
This is moments after giving birth. As if I felt any disappointment at all. Plus you'd have thought she'd have had that all her life having 4 boys. Perhaps a bit of her own thoughts on this creeped in?

2gorgeousboys · 05/03/2014 21:43

The first time we (DH, me, DSS, DS1 and DS2) went out as a family after DS2 was born a ladt stopped us to look in the pram and admire the baby - her comment of "oh I'm so sorry did you want a girl?" when she realised we had 3 boys. Actually after 1 miscarriage and 2 very difficult pregnancies I am very happy to have a family of healthy boys.

I have 2 very caring, loving boys who perform at a national level at ballroom dancing - 1 of them also plays rugby but likes clothes shopping and a wander round the shops and going for a coffee. The other plays football and spends half of his life texting girls! DSS is a whole other ballgame and when he's not studying chemical engineering at uni is eating (and drinking) us out of house and home. They are 3 very different personalities regardless of their sex and I would not change anything about them.

worriedabout · 05/03/2014 21:55

My family is perfect for me - two boys and I wouldn't want it any other way.

People have asked if I would try for a girl and my response is "I would love a third if it was a boy".

nagynolonger · 05/03/2014 22:04

I've never heard of one of each being a gentlemans family. When I had a boy then a girls I was told I had a pigeon pair. We went on to have four more sons.

Topseyt · 05/03/2014 22:09

I have three daughters, and this all used to annoy me. I had all of the "oh how disappointing" comments when people heard I was having another girl. I didn't ignore them because I found that asking them a direct question was far more satisfying.

I took to asking them in a loud voice "WHY is it so disappointing?" and watching them squirm, go violently red, wish for the ground to open and swallow them!! None of them ever said it to me again.

I also agree with those who have pointed out that not all girls are "girly". My middle daughter has to be one of the least girly girls I know. She would prefer to be out kicking a football with the neighbourhood boys than shopping, washing her hair, doing make-up (heaven forbid).

howrudeforme · 05/03/2014 22:14

Never heard of any of these terms.

But I do hear people telling me they are now a 'proper' family because they've had more than one child. Makes me v. sad. I have one child - and it took me to hell and back to have the one. I don't like being told I'm not a proper family.

My df did tell me that lots of parents lose sense of reality once becoming parents (and that's the diplomatic version) and I've got to say, I agree.

OP - don't worry about it.

123rd · 05/03/2014 22:18

I had DD then after my DS being born someone said to me" oh , now you have the perfect family". Ehhh. What?? Perfect family??? Some people have no sense

bootsycollins · 05/03/2014 22:18

Boy or girl they're all just little people doing their own thing with their own quirks. Don't understand why people get so hung up on siblings being nothing like each other in temperament either, just because your related to someone doesn't mean your not an individual.

JohnCusacksWife · 06/03/2014 00:05

I have 2 DDs and must live in a parallel universe. No-one has ever even vaguely suggested to me that I must be disappointed, or have hoped for a boy or should try for a 3rd to get a boy or anything remotely similar.

NobodyLivesHere · 06/03/2014 00:36

A woman stopped me in the street to tell me how pretty my girls were once then followed it with 'what did you need to go on and have him for, hes not as pretty' right in front of my ds's face.
My response was unrepeatable. People are just fucking stupid.

AdoraBell · 06/03/2014 01:45

Profundo, my MIL isn't joking tho

AdoraBell · 06/03/2014 01:49

Bootsy could you explain that To my MIL please? I have twins, Obviously clones.

funkybuddah · 06/03/2014 08:20

When I stated no more kids (mainly due to medical issues, too risky) even medical professionals said ' well you have one of each so that's wise' people in general going at least you have one of each. Ummmm I would have stopped if I had 2 the same. Very odd attitudes around

NewtRipley · 06/03/2014 08:23

IMO, when there are two of different genders, there's a temptation to gender stereotype (from family or friends).

NurseRoscoe · 06/03/2014 08:26

I hope the people making stupid comments about doing 'girly' things with their daughters get a complete tomboy haha! YANBU. I love my two little boys so much and if I ever had another I wouldn't mind if it was another boy! I can do girly things with my mum, my sister and my friends!

Gay40 · 06/03/2014 08:36

I'm the non-birth parent of a girl. In 12 years, I've had the following comments:
Only and lonely
Not fair on her, just having the one
Did you hope for a boy
She looks nothing like you, what a shame - why don't you have one of your own
It's not the same when you haven't given birth
She'll have enough issues without being an only child
It's selfish having one
Why don't you have a boy then everything will be complete

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