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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just have nothing to do with my mum?

53 replies

PublicEnemyNumeroUno · 04/03/2014 16:53

My mum comes to my house 5 days a week 'for a cuppa' if in not in when she comes over she gets in a right huff.

Today i had to make a doctors appt for my son, she happened to come over whilst i was at the doctors, i received a text saying that i should have known she was coming and she's sick to death of walking over 'like an idiot'

Now this is not the first time, she is possibly the most petty person you will meet, i just snapped this time and text back that i was in the docs because id found a lump in DSs neck and that i forgot i had to inform her every time i leave the house. I subsequently got called an 'ungrateful little bastard' threatened to give me a hiding for daring to speak to her like that and warned to stay out of her way.

This is what happened if you DARE say the wrong thing to my mum. You will be threatened. Well in sick of walking on eggshells, but this is a cycle, she does this then after a few weeks i forgive because i feel sorry for her that she had no friends (fucking wonder why) and she gets away with treating me like this

She has never in my whole life apologized for any of the nasty shit she's said during arguments.

She says i have no respect for her, but clearly she has no respect for me, in a 27 year old woman FFS

OP posts:
Original poster
PublicEnemyNumeroUno · 04/03/2014 16:54

*I'm FFS

OP posts:
TillyTellTale · 04/03/2014 16:57

I don't know if she brings anything positive to your life, but you are perfectly entitled to tell her that she is capable of texting to see if you're in, before she leaves the house. She's certainly capable of sending you abuse afterwards, isn't she?

Original poster
PublicEnemyNumeroUno · 04/03/2014 16:58

I have said in the past that she should text first incase in not in, that went down like a lead balloon, cant remember her exact reasoning but summat to do with family shouldn't have to text

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 04/03/2014 17:00

She sounds vile!!!

I'd absolutely tell her to piss off!!!!

Lottapianos · 04/03/2014 17:00

No, you would certainly not be unreasonable to have nothing more to do with your mum. Huffing and puffing if you go out without telling her is bad enough, but calling you names and threatening you with violence is disgusting. This is emotional abuse, and threatened physical abuse, and you do not have to put up with it.

What do you think the chances are of her physically attacking you? Has she done so before?

You do not have to have someone like this in your life, you do not have to accept her behaviour. It doesn't matter if she is your mum, it doesn't entitle her to a place in your life

iggymama · 04/03/2014 17:00

You have my sympathy, my mother is cut from the same cloth as yours. She has a tongue as sharp as a razor blade, says outrageously cruel things to me, has encouraged my son to tell me lies and defy me and regularly cuts me off for weeks then will turn up when she wants something. No apologies ever.

I have no solution, it hurts.

TillyTellTale · 04/03/2014 17:00

Tell her he has to text first, and then say, "that's a ridiculous thing to say" to any argument, like a stuck record.

And from now on, if she doesn't text first, pretend you're out.

Original poster
PublicEnemyNumeroUno · 04/03/2014 17:01

If i told her to piss off she's kick my head in and im not even joking

OP posts:
Original poster
PublicEnemyNumeroUno · 04/03/2014 17:02

She's never hit me, but she's certainly capable, she has been in jail for beating somebody up

OP posts:
TillyTellTale · 04/03/2014 17:03

Does she bring anything good to your life? She sounds like someone who takes you for granted, and assumes being your mother means she can say and do what she likes.

If she was a friend of mine, I would hate her by now, and she would be an Ex-friend!

moolady1977 · 04/03/2014 17:05

she sounds so like the woman that gave birth to me you have my sympathy because they really dont get any better the more you give the more she will expect xx

Original poster
PublicEnemyNumeroUno · 04/03/2014 17:05

My kids absolutely love her and she dotes on them, and when we get on i can have a gossip with her, but frankly she's just too petty for me.

Threatening to batter me was the final straw i think

OP posts:
Original poster
PublicEnemyNumeroUno · 04/03/2014 17:06

And yes, because she gave birth to me it means she can treat me how she likes and i can never say anything about it. That's why im an 'umgreatful bastard'

OP posts:
kotinka · 04/03/2014 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
PublicEnemyNumeroUno · 04/03/2014 17:10

Its like living at home and having to ask fucking permission to go out. Fuck that

OP posts:
Holdthepage · 04/03/2014 17:10

Dear God she sounds like a nightmare. Next time she threatens violence in a text tell you will saving it to show the police.

TillyTellTale · 04/03/2014 17:12

She's a stupid, self-centred, self-serving woman.

Stop forgiving her. You are not obliged to put up with shit from your parents, just because they're your parents.

Stay out of her way, like she asked, and keep doing it!

TillyTellTale · 04/03/2014 17:13

And yes, tell the police when she threatens you!

squeakytoy · 04/03/2014 17:22

I would move away, far away. She sounds vile.

pictish · 04/03/2014 17:26

Dear God what a horrendous woman!! Yanbu!
She sounds dreadful.

BrokenToeOuch · 04/03/2014 22:09

Fuck me, she sounds like the sort of person I class as 'a drainer'. Yanbu. It's very difficult. Does she have a social life (outside of walking backwards and forwards to your house like a.deranged ping pong ball)?

Musicaltheatremum · 04/03/2014 22:17

She sounds horrendous and controlling. Totally unreasonable. I can never understand relatives who live near each other expecting they can be in your lives every day but then I moved to Scotland and 18 and my daughter is now in London. We are in contact most days by text or even by a snap chat to prove I have been to the gym. As a mum I want to feel loved, not resented.

rabbitlady · 04/03/2014 22:24

you're talking to the woman who let herself into her daughter's house and made a cup of tea, one day last week. i had my reasons, but it didn't go down well, and i had to accept that. Blush

just be firm. decide your boundaries and stick to them. and make her stick to them too. daughter began this process when she went off to university and we had some horrific rows. but she has to be a person in her own right, she's entitled to that. parents, properly handled, can be trained to behave appropriately.

Nanny0gg · 04/03/2014 22:26

So how will she handle your children when they're older and they answer her back?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 04/03/2014 22:33

NannyOgg has just said exactly what I was about to!