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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect dh to answer his phone on a night out

71 replies

Haveacwtch · 01/03/2014 23:40

Dh is out tonight. I'm not bothered about that as I've got no issue with him being out. The only problem I have is when I can't reach him. Every time he goes out from about two hours after he can't be reached.

When I was pregnant with both our children he had to stop going out in the run up to births as there was no way of getting hold of him if anything happened.

We now have two young children. There has been times in the past when I have been really poorly or there have been issues with my ds when I needed him home (usually in early hours).

Tonight my ds has had terrible nightmares and my youngest is poorly as is in the paste room with me. I have been trying to get hold of him not to ask him home but just to let him know that ds is in our bed so to be careful.

Aibu in needing to reach him?

Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Haveacwtch · 01/03/2014 23:41

Youngest ds in the spare room with me sorry

OP posts:
TangledTiara · 01/03/2014 23:42

Just text him the info?

Thisvehicleisreversing · 01/03/2014 23:43

If he's in noisy pubs or clubs he's not going to hear his phone but if you text him he'll surely see it when he goes to book a taxi home.

Failing that a hand written note on your door could tell him about any DCs in the bed Smile

JumpingJackSprat · 01/03/2014 23:43

Text him.

lilola · 01/03/2014 23:43

Yeh text him

nennypops · 01/03/2014 23:43

I do wonder how we all coped in the days before mobile phones. Can't you just leave a note for him about ds?

SirChenjin · 01/03/2014 23:44

Where does he go? Is it somewhere noisy where he can't hear the phone? Could he put it on vibrate instead?

CersaiLannisterBaratheon · 01/03/2014 23:44

YABU. He's on a night out? Why can't you text him the required info?

MrCabDriver · 01/03/2014 23:45

Is your older DS in your bed alone?

To be honest if he's drunk he might not take in what you're saying, and I probably wouldn't leave DS there if I knew he would come home quite drunk.

I think YABU a little bit - if there were issues BEFORE he went out (ie kids being ill) then perhaps ask him to stay home on this occasion as you might struggle etc.
For emergencies though of course YANBU, do you not know any of his friends?

Why is it that you can't get hold of him? Does he just get too drunk to answer the phone?

hoobypickypicky · 01/03/2014 23:45

To tell him that one child has had nightmares and the other is poorly but not so much that he needs medical attention or that you don't have it in hand but just that the child is in your bed so DH should be careful? To be brutally honest, yes, YABU.

Send him a text. Stick a note on the sitting room/bedroom/front door. Then chill out.

WorraLiberty · 01/03/2014 23:45

Yes just text him

I can never hear my phone, not even when I'm out shopping.

I do check it from time to time, but I probably wouldn't if I was out relaxing with friends...or if I did it would probably be hours later that I thought to check.

AgentZigzag · 01/03/2014 23:46

How often does he go out?

And what is it after two hours that stops him noticing/answering his phone?

It is a bit unreasonable to expect him to be on the ball if he's on a night out, getting away from everything is one reason to go out (bar emergencies, but how much help is he realistically if he's arseholed? (if he drinks)).

What kind of things were happening in the early hours that only he could sort?

MrCabDriver · 01/03/2014 23:46

If he's too drunk to answer a phone he won't be able to read a note or text.

If it's just because it's too noisy then yeah send a text.

TheFabulousIdiot · 01/03/2014 23:47

For all we know the op has sent him a text.

Personally it drives me mad when my DH doesn't respond to a text on a night out. Everyone checks their phone do 't they?

TangledTiara · 01/03/2014 23:47

Think there's more to this.....

MrCabDriver · 01/03/2014 23:49

Yeah maybe she has TheFabulous, but she hasn't said that so we will assume she hasn't.....

Are you sure you aren't bothered about him being out OP? Is there anything else that bothers you?

DarlingGrace · 01/03/2014 23:50

\Umm ... my phone lives in the bottom of my handbag; I might retrieve it once or twice a week .... TBH I cant stand needy people who need you to check in every 15 mins.

I have been trying to get hold of him not to ask him home but just to let him know that ds is in our bed so to be careful

Door, note, blue tac - you said you didnt need to talk to him, just forewarn him

hoobypickypicky · 01/03/2014 23:50

"Everyone checks their phone do 't they?"

No. I don't. Why would you? You're on a night out, a break from home/work/kids/responsibilities, having left them in the hands of another capable adult. It's rude and tiresome to check a phone constantly and makes it look as if you're not enjoying the occasion and company you're in.

WorraLiberty · 01/03/2014 23:52

Everyone checks their phone do 't they?

No. I don't want to be in when I'm out.

I tell my DH which pub or restaurant I'm going to so he would ring them in an emergency.

Just as he would have done before mobile phones were invented.

I get royally fucked off with people constantly checking their phones and answering texts on a night out.

Custardo · 01/03/2014 23:52

it drives me nuts when women do this.

if i went out on the piss and dh was home with the kids and he kept ringing me, i wouldn't answer it either.

but he never did - neither did i.

if i got a phone call whilst i was out on the piss, someone must be either seriously hurt or dead.

smacks of needyness, a bit clingy and weak - that's why i don't like it

AtSea1979 · 01/03/2014 23:52

Sounds to me like OP is being possessive or jealous.
Let DH enjoy his night out and forget about the DC and all that goes with for a few hrs.

AgentZigzag · 01/03/2014 23:54

OP's going to drip feed come back and say he goes out four times a week isn't she? Grin

Original poster
Haveacwtch · 01/03/2014 23:55

Not sure what you mean by there's more to this?

I really have no issues in him being out. No trust issues etc. We both go out at least once a month.

He doesn't answer his phone because he's pissed.

My youngest ds is in the spare bed with me so there is nowhere else for eldest ds (who is 5) to sleep and he was too petrified to stay in his room.

I have sent him a text.

I think my issue is and always has been (we have been together nearly. 20 years) is that if there ever was an emergency I couldn't reach him. I don't know where he is or who he is with. He started out at local pub where a lot of his friends drink so could be with any of them.

OP posts:
thenightsky · 01/03/2014 23:56

what custy says

caruthers · 01/03/2014 23:57

The not knowing where he is and WHO he is with part is probably pointing at the problem.

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