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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect dh to answer his phone on a night out

71 replies

Haveacwtch · 01/03/2014 23:40

Dh is out tonight. I'm not bothered about that as I've got no issue with him being out. The only problem I have is when I can't reach him. Every time he goes out from about two hours after he can't be reached.

When I was pregnant with both our children he had to stop going out in the run up to births as there was no way of getting hold of him if anything happened.

We now have two young children. There has been times in the past when I have been really poorly or there have been issues with my ds when I needed him home (usually in early hours).

Tonight my ds has had terrible nightmares and my youngest is poorly as is in the paste room with me. I have been trying to get hold of him not to ask him home but just to let him know that ds is in our bed so to be careful.

Aibu in needing to reach him?

Thanks

OP posts:
Silverfoxballs · 01/03/2014 23:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Haveacwtch · 01/03/2014 23:58

Little drip feed sorry. He went out at 4:30 for a pint. I've left key under the mat which I hate doing.

Promise not possessive or needy. Have enjoyed control of the remote control and having a night to myself.

I am obviously unreasonable. Thanks all

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 01/03/2014 23:58

To be fair if you can't reach him because he's pissed....he would hardly be any use in an emergency.

Do you often need to call him when he's out....I'd just text.

DarlingGrace · 01/03/2014 23:58

I dont even understand all the spare room sleeping arrangements...

My youngest ds is in the spare bed with me so there is nowhere else for eldest ds (who is 5) to sleep and he was too petrified to stay in his room.

so if you are in the spare room, surely your partner (drunk or otherwise) will make his way to the master bedroom where he would normally sleep?

WorraLiberty · 01/03/2014 23:59

If he's that pissed, I'm surprised you're sticking a 5yr old in bed with him.

Why not take the 2 kids into your bed and he can sleep in the spare room?

AgentZigzag · 02/03/2014 00:01

Ooh I'd love a master bedroom.

Does it go on room size or where in the family hierachy the person is?

hoobypickypicky · 02/03/2014 00:02

But, but, but if you've been together nearly 20 years you've almost certainly coped without having any phone contact with DH in the past. Most people didn't even have a mobile 20 years ago. What did or would you have done then?

If there was an emergency, you say. Fair enough, maybe, although he could be out of contact or unable to reach you for any reason - phone not working/lost/unable to hear it/out of the country on business/unwell/what have you. You'd have to get on without him then! At the moment you're not even trying to contact him because it's an emergency but because of a couple of pretty normal occurrences for which you don't need your husband there to hold your hand anyway, so that argument doesn't hold water.

It just makes you look possessive and needy I'm afraid.

GarlicMarchHare · 02/03/2014 00:03

I agree with Tangled. There's some other factor. When OP was pregnant, they agreed he couldn't go out because of this - it means he couldn't or wouldn't even check his phone regularly when he thought she might be going into labour, or having a complication.

Unless opium dens have come back into fashion, I'm struggling to think of the social activity that would render him completely uncontactable. Does he get totally legless, cwtch, hence worrying about DS in the bed? Is he glued to an arcade game? And do you get to go out of a night, too?

Hope tonight's ended up well, anyway.

Original poster
Haveacwtch · 02/03/2014 00:03

Because eldest ds went into our bed and I intended sleeping there. Then youngest woke and I have put him in spare room. I would rather dh slept with the oldest who will just move if h is taking all the bed, snoring etc than my little one. If I could get hold of dh I would say for him to sleep in ds bed but we've established there's no chance of that!

If I moved either child then I would end up waking them both and considering it took me hour to resettle eldest and youngest has only just gone back off it's not going to happen

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 02/03/2014 00:04

Fair enough

But I wouldn't wish a sleeping drunk on a 5yr old child

Original poster
Haveacwtch · 02/03/2014 00:07

He just gets so pissed he doesn't answer/check phone. He's always been the same.

20 years ago it didn't matter if he didn't have a phone. Pre kids it didn't matter. I don't expect him to be sitting watching his phone but to go over three hours without even checking it. For the record he phones me too to check it having good night etx when I'm out.

Not needy or possessive just a bit peed off

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 02/03/2014 00:07

If he comes in drunk he will sleep with your child?

Original poster
Haveacwtch · 02/03/2014 00:08

Ideally I wouldn't wish a sleeping drunk on my child either but I can't really do much about it

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 02/03/2014 00:09

Poor little mites, being ill and nightmares aren't a good combo for you.

I used to have terrible nightmares and was always in with mum and dad. Has he had them long?

Original poster
Haveacwtch · 02/03/2014 00:10

I originally sent text telling him son was in his bed at 9pm. The later it's going on the more pissed he will be so I am not happy with him sleeping in there either. Just tried another text to say to take ds bed instead

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 02/03/2014 00:10

Can't he go on the setee?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 02/03/2014 00:11

Do your DCs not have their own beds? Why all the hopping?

Original poster
Haveacwtch · 02/03/2014 00:14

He's home and so pissed he can't walk. Just stuck him in ds room. Thanks all

OP posts:
Custardo · 02/03/2014 00:14

my dh is banished from the bed when drunk - its a rule,

he sleeps in a chair in the living room.

I can't stand sleeping with a drunk snorey farty dribbling bed grabbing, quilt grabbing drunk. so thems the rules

perhaps think of instigating same rules - if you come in wankered - sleep on sofa and face the wrath of early rising children hard shit

hoobypickypicky · 02/03/2014 00:14

Fair dos, OP, you know how you feel more than I do. :)
I just can't get my head around the idea of checking a phone during a night out or around the concept that another adult might be annoyed because the phone hasn't been checked.

And still I say that an emergency is one thing, I can understand you needing to call him then, but a kid having a nightmare and the other being a bit off colour and in another bed is not an emergency and doesn't need discussing with a spouse during their night out.

Original poster
Haveacwtch · 02/03/2014 00:15

Ds had nightmare and was too scared of his room and youngest ds has come in with me as he is poorly and it's my only chance to get some sleep

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 02/03/2014 00:26

Hope you can all manage to get some kip in Thanks

Original poster
Haveacwtch · 02/03/2014 00:29

Me too. Just resettling eldest boy. Guess I'll be doing the 6am start again then by the look of dh!

OP posts:
LoveBeingCantThinkOfAName · 02/03/2014 00:30

Think there's more to this.....
I think it's how drunk he gets, won't see /can't read note.

AgentZigzag · 02/03/2014 00:33

for you Haveacwtch (very apt on St D day Daffodil)