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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get fed up about DH watching films all weekend, every weekend?

70 replies

cithkadston · 23/02/2014 10:28

We have two children aged 9 and 4, and DH has never seemed to "get" that generally you put your childrens' needs first the majority of the time, and that you actually have to interact with and engage with them.

He currently spends all weekend, every weekend, unless he's working, watching films. Never child-friendly films either. So I end up having to either take the kids out, or to do things with the kids in another room. If he's home alone with the kids, he'll set them up doing something in another room, ie on the computer, and then go off into the living room and watch yet another bloody film.

I got up with DS this morning early. Just went upstairs to see if DH was awake yet, and surprise surprise he was watching another bloody film. He watched 3 yesterday.

I feel like cancelling the Netflicks subscription and chucking out all the DVDs. It's one thing enjoying films, but it's quite another expecting the whole family to fit in around it, all the time.

OP posts:
LucyLasticBand · 23/02/2014 10:30

i feel your pain.
can't you plan family days out to include all of you,
say eveyr other weekend or something?

buy or rent a family film?

GoingToBedfordshire · 23/02/2014 10:33

Yanbu.

Have you spoken to him about it? What does he say?

Longtalljosie · 23/02/2014 10:33

That is totally out of order. What does he say when you challenge him about it?

littlebluedog12 · 23/02/2014 10:33

That is awful! I can't understand an adult watching a film during the day, unless they are ill. Turn the TV off and send him out with the kids.

FunkyBoldRibena · 23/02/2014 10:34

I would probably sit down with him and ask him if he was aware that he is behaving like a bachelor and if it carries on, you are going to have to take the kids to live in another house permanently as it's costing you a bomb having to remove them from the house/room by his obsession with non-kid friendly films. And if that's what he wants then that's fine, I would start looking for somewhere else to live.

pussycatdoll · 23/02/2014 10:35

What does he bring to family life?
Sounds line you'd be better off without him
At least then the kids could spend time in the lounge Hmm
why doesn't he want to do anything with you or the kids ?
It sounds a sad & miserable life

Original poster
cithkadston · 23/02/2014 10:36

He never wants to do anything as a family day out. I've suggested doing a couple of different things today but he doesn't want to do either of them. I know what he want; he wants me to take the kids off out so that he can watch another film! If it's not a film it's bloody Sky Sports.

I don't understand his mentality of putting himself first all the time. He seems to think that the kids have to constantly fit in around him.

OP posts:
MrsMaryCooper · 23/02/2014 10:37

Does he do housework? Cook? Do financial stuff? Because he doesn't seem to be bringing much to the family from your description.

Original poster
cithkadston · 23/02/2014 10:38

Housework - rarely and usually only half a job
Cook - sometimes, maybe once a week if that
Financial stuff - as little as possible

OP posts:
NuggetofPurestGreen · 23/02/2014 10:39

What's wrong with an adult watching a film during the day? Do you object to all telly watching/book reading/leisure activities during the day bluedog? Hmm

However YANBU OP, that sounds crap. As you say it's one thing enjoying films but sounds like he's neglecting you and the kids for the sake of watching 3 films (!) on a Saturday.

Original poster
cithkadston · 23/02/2014 10:41

He also feeds the kids crap constantly to keep them quiet so that he can watch what he wants; biscuits, sweets, crisps, ice lollies etc. Everything revolves around keeping them out of his way so that he can watch his stupid films.

OP posts:
FoxesRevenge · 23/02/2014 10:41

I couldn't live like that.

Nocomet · 23/02/2014 10:43

9 and 4! Stop facilitating this nonsense.

Let the DCs go in and out and annoy daddy. No way would my two have let DH watch TV in the middle of the day with out demanding hugs, books read, art work or Lego creations looked at.

Turn of the TV and tell him he is going to the supermarket, swimming pool, park and get the children to ensure he shifts his arse on time.

LucyLasticBand · 23/02/2014 10:44

well you are not going to change him overnight op.

Nocomet · 23/02/2014 10:45

Then don't buy any crap food. If he wants crisps, he has to go to the shops himself with the DCs.

pussycatdoll · 23/02/2014 10:49

Wow its getting worse
Especially the 9 year old must want to play football with his dad?
Do homework with him, go swimming , to the park , all the NORMAL things a dad should be doing

pianodoodle · 23/02/2014 10:52

I'd ask outright "what exactly is the point of you being here?" Shock

Why would anyone put up with this?

Bloodyteenagers · 23/02/2014 10:57

You tell him he either acts like an adult who is a parent and partner, that he gets involved, he stops watching adult material in the day, does housework, pays his way, cooks more or he can live elsewhere.
You go in the living room now and then the film off and tell him like.it or not you are using the space. You put restrictions with password on the account.

You don't have to accept his selfish behaviour. You need to take tough action.

pianodoodle · 23/02/2014 10:57

When DH was on his 2 weeks paternity leave I was feeding the newborn and toddler was demanding his attention while he sat on the sofa staring at facebook on his phone. Washing needed done, house needed tidied etc...

I just said "Sorry, are we spoiling your holiday?!" and he promptly snapped back into action... Grin

Nanny0gg · 23/02/2014 10:58

I'd ask outright "what exactly is the point of you being here?" shock Why would anyone put up with this?

^^This.

Unless the films are really unsuitable I would send the children in to play with lots of noisy toys. Alternately I would grab the remote, put cartoons on and send the children in to play. Why should they be blocked from using the main room in their house? And he can watch his films when they go to bed.

However, I can't see that you're ever going to change him and I can't see what he brings to the family at all I'm afraid.

DontGiveAwayTheHomeworld · 23/02/2014 10:58

I feel your pain, with my DH it's tv series - Criminal Minds, Big Bang Theory, anything interesting he sees advertised. All day. Every day off. On the computer, with cricket and football on the main telly, so he just takes over the living room. Drives me mental.

I don't know what can be done about it. If you figure it out, let me know!

ahlahktuhflomp · 23/02/2014 11:02

Have you considered the possibility he is really unhappy and/or avoiding spending time with you?

I appreciate it's ridiculous to speculate about men having feelings or issues that need to be resolved like a human being in a relationship though, sorry don't know what came over me "just leave him" etc. :)

Fairenuff · 23/02/2014 11:08

This is completely in your control OP but you are going to have to change the way you approach it.

At the moment he's got no reason to change. You will moan at him for a bit and when you finally stfu he can go back to watching films.

LindyHemming · 23/02/2014 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyNameIsKenAdams · 23/02/2014 11:11

How have you lasted til the kids are 9 & 4 before wanting to tackle this? Id have buried him under a patio by now.