To get fed up about DH watching films all weekend, every weekend?

[cithkadston]

We have two children aged 9 and 4, and DH has never seemed to "get" that generally you put your childrens' needs first the majority of the time, and that you actually have to interact with and engage with them.

He currently spends all weekend, every weekend, unless he's working, watching films. Never child-friendly films either. So I end up having to either take the kids out, or to do things with the kids in another room. If he's home alone with the kids, he'll set them up doing something in another room, ie on the computer, and then go off into the living room and watch yet another bloody film.

I got up with DS this morning early. Just went upstairs to see if DH was awake yet, and surprise surprise he was watching another bloody film. He watched 3 yesterday.

I feel like cancelling the Netflicks subscription and chucking out all the DVDs. It's one thing enjoying films, but it's quite another expecting the whole family to fit in around it, all the time.

I would think carefully before you unceremoniously cut what seems to have taken the role of a lifeline, if it truly is every moment of the weekends.

Does he need somebody else to talk to? With respect you seem upset about your own predicament, is there any possibility he just can't talk to you about his problems because he'll get them thrown back in his face? Everyone's capable of this when stressed out so I'm not trying to put you in the wrong by saying it, only wondering if this person feels trapped in solitude and silence a bit, and has just taken to presenting an air of "normality" to other people where he can't avoid them entirely.

Might be an idea to try out some counselling, but if he won't go for that, weaning off the films and onto other simple pleasures, as others have suggested, might be the way to go.

Good luck, hope it all works out for you.

flomp, just to clarify, I wasn't planning on unceremoniously cutting anything. Neither do I 'throw things back in his face'. In fact, I've found both of your posts a bit upsetting, and assuming that I'm some kind of horrible heartless wife who has no idea about how her husband feels and who is unapproachable. I do actually suffer from depression myself and for the record I don't think my husband is. However regardless of how he feels there must be some time when I can put myself first, no? I get no opportunities to sit around watching films!

regardless of how he feels there must be some time when I can put myself first, no? I get no opportunities to sit around watching films!

I was worried it would sound hard, but not really that worried, because I'm sure you won't feel hard done by just from getting frank and varied responses after pretty much soliciting them.

I hope it works out for you guys, and mean no offense.

It seems like every time you speak to him about it he either argues back that he has a right to opt of out parenting, or he sulks.

Neither of these behaviours are acceptable. The trouble is, you do accept it and you back off. That's where you going wrong. When he starts to resist like this, you need to keep pushing.

When he is sitting watching a film you need to go in and disturb him and tell him that he should take the children to the park, or read them a story, or cook them a decent meal, etc. Don't let him fob you off, keep pushing until you get a real reaction from him, not a token one.

He either needs to accept that he is being unreasonable, or stand his ground and insist that he deserves it.

Then you will know whether he is worth staying with or not.

Flomp, OP's husband is not her child, and as such it's not her responsibility to look inward and sort whatever his issues are for him. He's a grown man with joint responsibilities in raising his children. He's neglecting those responsibilities and looking after his own needs. That is not OP's fault, it's his - You do know that children generally have two parents, and parenting doesn't just fall to the one with the womb, right?

OP - I don't know how you've put up with it for so long. He needs a boot up the arse.

Is he depressed op? I know that when I had pnd I was constantly watching tv or with my nose in a book...it was my way of escaping from how crap I felt.

He sounds like a dick. And a not particularly good father or partner.

Peter Pan syndrome

Tic - I think you'll find that wasn't really the thrust of what I was saying, but yes you're probably right can't be depression as they don't have any feelings, kind of like fish or trees. Thanks for the reminder. :)

So what does he do that's so amazing for you and the DC, that you put up with him not being an involved dad or partner?

OK, so ... when you say, 'DH - you get hours and hours of leisure time over the weekend to relax. I get barely any, and I have to handle all the housework AND the kids while you do your endless relaxing'...

What does he say in response to that?

I had one just the same.
Not depressed just selfish.
Got rid and now he can watch as much TV as he likes.

where's the fun in family life here op? you and the dc deserve better. you need to have a very serious talk with your dh who needs to change or go.

Don't let him get away with it! He seems to have it so cushty, and I think you're letting him.

Why don't you go out and leave the kids at home on Saturday? I'm sure they'll nag him enough to force him to take them out for a bit? Try doing it often so he'll have to do something. Are there really that many exciting films out there or is it his way of getting away with lazing about?

What's wrong with watching a film during the day? If no one did this then cinemas wouldn't programme any daytime showings - which they all do... I should know, I work at one

This thread is nine years old

Legend has it the OP's husband is still watching his films every weekend

ZOMBIE!!!!

@Ahsoka2001 Where on earth did you find a NINE YEAR-OLD zombie thread?

Come on OP, unless he has clinical depression or other mental health issues you know this is completely out of order. You have been on notice of this for almost a decade, as you said he spent most of his paternity with DC1 on a computer game.

You don’t need a load of anonymous strangers online to tell you this is atrocious behaviour. Ultimately it seems as though he has no respect for you or the children and doesn’t care about family life. He also seems like a fat lazy slob, unless he truly is struggling mentally and copes by checking out of life.

Either way, change needs to happen. He either gets help or gets his shit together himself. I really don’t see the point continuing as it is.
It must be soul destroying.

🧟‍♀️