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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not allow my dd facebook, msn etc

91 replies

wontletmesignin · 09/02/2014 16:58

My dd is 10 and is asking me quite frequently for the likes of msn, facebook, skype and the likes.
I have said no, no, no and no!

Aibu in not allowing her access to these?
I see nothing but stranger danger signs all around it and i dont know if i am just being over cautious or not

OP posts:
poorfoxyloxy · 09/02/2014 17:00

yanbu. my daughter is 8 and has asked, i said she can have one when she is old enough to, i think 12? I'm very annoyed at my sister who has allowed my neice to have a fb page at the age of 9. I told her that she shouldn't be offended if I post things that aren't suitable for the eyes/ears of a 9 year old!!

gordyslovesheep · 09/02/2014 17:03

yanbu at all

Topaz25 · 09/02/2014 17:05

YANBU, she's too young for Facebook, the minimum age is 13.

Maybe you could set conditions on msn and Skype like only using them with people she knows irl and using the computer in a family area of the house where you can see who she's talking to. But it's up to you. Does she know about internet safety and cyber bullying? It's important that she understands why you are concerned.

Tortoise · 09/02/2014 17:06

Yanbu. For a start, facebook is for ages over 13.
Someone I know was complaining about some horrible video her DD saw! She shouldn't have even had Facebook!

cmharrassed · 09/02/2014 17:09

yanbu - my rules were no social media allowed until they started year 9 (so 13, going on 14). Completely hated it at the time but managed to survive unscathed and now thank me for the decision because they do not have any of the totally cringy 11/12 year old stuff on their timelines for their friends to dig up at inopportune moments to contend with :)

Cocolepew · 09/02/2014 17:09

Yanbu.
I've just taken DDs phone and ipod off her, she had BBM and had added people who she didn't even know. She's 12.
DD1 is 16 and still doesnt have facebook, the amount if fighting that goes on it amongst her year is ridiculous.

shebird · 09/02/2014 17:12

I am having the same issues with my DD as 'everyone' in her class has Facebook, Instagram etc. My answer is no like you. These sites have a 13 rating for a reason and open the doors to lots of things that are impossible to police. YANBU

chicaguapa · 09/02/2014 17:13

DD(12) isn't allowed on Facebook, but is on Skype. I don't see the point in her having Facebook tbh. She has email and can communicate with her friends that way and not publicly.

DD can have Facebook and whatever the next thing is when she's old enough to understand what it means to put something in the public eye. Some of her friends are on Facebook and I'm afraid I do judge. Especially when they have no security settings on their profile. Hmm

We have a friend in the police who has shown us how you can find out lots of information about a child from their profile. It mystifies me why someone would want that, even if you felt the dangers attached to that were small.

DH is a teacher and says Facebook causes no end of problems that they have to deal with. So there's that side of it too.

I'm holding out for as long as I can.

bodygoingsouth · 09/02/2014 17:14

my youngest is 14 and FB isn't cool anymore. it's snap chat and twitter.

you won't keep up and she could easily get a FB account in the quiet. it's best to relax, talk to her honestly and sensibly about the good and the bad if the internet and make sure she's empowered.

manicinsomniac · 09/02/2014 17:16

YANBU

My 11 and 6 year olds have Skype accounts on my phone as we have a lot of friends and family in Brazil as well as spread around the UK. It would be too expensive to keep in touch without Skype.

But the other stuff - no way!

Original poster
wontletmesignin · 09/02/2014 17:16

Well that is what got me. She keeps saying all of her friends have them and i am completely unfair.

Im pleased you all share the same view.
I have told her when she is 16 she can. I think i might stick with that!

OP posts:
shebird · 09/02/2014 17:16

I wish there was a stronger message about the dangers of social media in primary school. They open the doors to bullying and self esteem problems and parents need to be reminded of the guidance ratings for these sites.

bodygoingsouth · 09/02/2014 17:17

face book is really now for the middle aged/older folk and the younger teens.

agree though op 10 is far too young.

Pagwatch · 09/02/2014 17:18

Dd hasn't got any of those. She dosen't need them. It's a stupid media for children to have access too.

Original poster
wontletmesignin · 09/02/2014 17:19

Yep shebird, i agree.
They are just far too dangerous and too easy

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 09/02/2014 17:20

Yep shebird
The bullying and stupidity is the downside. And stranger danger annoys me intensely

bodygoingsouth · 09/02/2014 17:21

shebird they should be. at our first school they get lots of messages on Internet safety.

I think saying wait until 16 is a bit optimistic. they will just do it behind your back and that's far more dangerous.

my youngest is 14 and all the kids have twitter/snap chat or FB. it's life now and it's best to get savvy and infirm yourselves. empowered your children.

you can't turn the clock back.

whomadeyougod · 09/02/2014 17:23

body is right there are so many other sites she can join and do it on the quiet , might be best to let her have say skype then you can keep tabs as it will be out in the open and she wont get deceitful about anything.

chicaguapa · 09/02/2014 17:24

According to DS(9) he's the only one in his class who isn't allowed on a public Minecraft server.

The key IMO is to explain why you're not sanctioning these things. I know that DS will just go on a public server at a friend's anyway so we've tried to tell him the dangers as well.

But I'm not quite at the educating and access stage yet.

shebird · 09/02/2014 17:26

And I bet not 'all' her friends have access to these things although some parents are more liberal (blind) than others.
What really annoyed me was DD came back from her friends house recently and said this girl was taking photos of them and sharing them on Instagram. All very innocent I'm sure but still not comfortable with how much access kids have and how little control we have as parents.

Joysmum · 09/02/2014 17:28

Many of my DD's friends had Facebook way before 13. We've said we'll cobsider it at 13, this despite her usually having freedoms and priviledges than most of her friends. My house, my rules.

Original poster
wontletmesignin · 09/02/2014 17:28

My ds (9) came home the other day and told me of how his friend uses snapchat, and has a girl (in his class) who sends photos of herself in the shower.

It all scares the crap out of me. I am holding off for as long as poss

OP posts:
shebird · 09/02/2014 17:31

That is seriously worrying and sad.

Original poster
wontletmesignin · 09/02/2014 17:31

It really is

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 09/02/2014 17:34

Saying 'you can't stop it' is bollocks.
It's like people who give their chikdren alcohol because they will just get it anyway.
I have a 20 year old. It's perfectly possible to parent teenagers without just waving the white flag

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