to not allow my dd facebook, msn etc

[wontletmesignin]

My dd is 10 and is asking me quite frequently for the likes of msn, facebook, skype and the likes.
I have said no, no, no and no!

Aibu in not allowing her access to these?
I see nothing but stranger danger signs all around it and i dont know if i am just being over cautious or not

[finallydelurking]

*15 and 16

[cory]

when ds wanted facebook it was his big sister who told him in no uncertain terms that it is not for under-13's

dd and ds both have it now (dd since age 14, ds since 13)

for dd it has been very useful for keeping up with her theatrical groups and arranging meetings/rehearsals/bookings to see shows with friends

so not wholly bad, but I do think you need a certain amount of maturity

[choirmum]

My DD is 12 and hasn't even asked yet, but the answer will be no when she does! She's not remotely interested in technology (other than playing some games on her mobile - I have to call her school if I want to speak to her!! Boarding chorister). My DS is almost 15 and is Twitter obsessed but will happily remove posts/tweets if I don't consider them appropriate. They need a guiding hand through this new etiquette.

[curlew]

Interesting.

I agree that there is huge potential for online bullying.

But what else are people so scared of?

[frugalfuzzpig]

YANBU

[TalkinPeace]

choirmum
if your dd plays games on her phone and she boards, she has internet access on the phone and you have no idea what she does
and if you are disapproving, she's not likely to tell you
how many twitter accounts does your dd have?

[NinjaKangaroo]

I would agree with Skype, not FB. Fwiw, all the girls I know have abandoned FB and like Instagram and Twitter so watch out for more begging!

[Philoslothy]

My children have not been allowed FB or twitter until they reach 13 . We have a 12 year old who has a smartphone . She has to hand it over at 8pm.

She does have a private Instagram account.

Her phone is regularly checked.

I agree that children need educating about social media rather than not letting them have it ever. However they are not adults for a long time, we have time to phase things in.

My 12 year old is quite silly and prone to friendship issues , other 12 year olds might manage a FB account.

[TalkinPeace]

so watch out for more begging
sorry, why would they beg?
they will just set up the accounts and run it from their phones
with a gmail account linked to the phone not a pc for verifying

and who do they talk to on skype - you know its a free for all ???

[Philoslothy]

I teach most of my daughter's friends as well as those that probably don 't like her.

She could not get past break without me finding out that she had a secret twitter / FB account.

[Philoslothy]

My dd facetimes or skypes a few friends , she is so bloody loud about everything she gets away with nothing.

She tends to Skype through the medium of dance and emptying my fridge. As I said not very discrete.

[GinSoakedMisery]

Yadnbu. Ds1 is also 10 and according to him is the only child in his whole school not on Facebook or BBM. He thinks I'm being very unfair, I think I'm being safe.

I dislike children on FB, don't have any on my own as I don't want to have to watch what I out on.

[TalkinPeace]

ginsoaked
you do not want your kids to use new technology because you dont ...
how far do you take that ?

the internet did not exist when I was at school, but I do not stop my kids doing their homework on mymaths

I'm hoping that ds will work with friends through his xbox and skype to then design some minecraft mods
as such skills will pay his bills when he grows up

dd was doing her homework with fb open in another tab discussing with friends how to analyse a question - is that a bad thing?

[Philoslothy]

I think it speaks volumes about the fact that your children are incredibly mature Talkin.

My youngest daughter might have one tab open to discuss homework , she would probably be creating a whole lot of trouble on the other Tab.

She just about uses skype , FaceTime and Instagram sensibly. I don't want to push our luck!

[TalkinPeace]

philo
I think that a compliment, trust me, they can be irritating little twits at times
BUT
they are aware and I'm trying to make sure they have bucket loads of common sense

prohibition and denial do not work
they just don't

it is our duty as parents to make our kids able to make sound decisions when they leave home

many of the posters up thread seem to forget that their little pfb's will be lary hairy teens all too soon

[Philoslothy]

My older children have FB. I have FB. I am not against FB totally but some children are too immature.

[Pagwatch]

The op is talking about a 10 year old.
It is not stupidly rigid or saving up trouble for the future to sy no to a 10 year old.
And I have a 29 year old who is not running around getting shitfaced or wearing skimpy clothing because I said no to him when he was a young teenager. He is sensible enough to know now that he looks terrible in them

It is a balance. Stop making out that saying no is always the luddite road to disaster.

[bodygoingsouth]

Finally yes I think there is no room in parenting to actually belive that 'my child isn't interested in that it would never do it. I know what my child is up to' etc.

Choirmum a child at a boarding school has just as many potential opportunities to access on line accounts as other teens.


Ginsoaked he will do it behind your back at some point if you keep the ban up and all his friends really DO have accounts.

don't get the 'begging' either. we learned to parent by going with our kids, responding to them and going at their pace but always guiding, educating and helping them to grow up safely.

you can't do that by putting your fingers in your ears and ignoring things.

[shebird]

talkin I assume your kids are older than 10, there's a big difference allowing a 14 year old access to social networking. What most people are saying is that social networking sites unsuitable for younger children and no one is talking about banning internet altogether just stressing that caution is needed.

[ravenAK]

I'm with TalkinPeace.

If your child has unsupervised internet access, at home, at school, via a phone, at a mate's house - then they have all the social media accounts they can eat.

I'm a KS3 form tutor & I have fairly regular conversations of the 'oh no, my dd isn't allowed on FB! You must have her confused with someone else!' variety with naive parents, when I ring home about the latest outbreak of cyberbullying.

Not to mention the ubiquitous dodge of letting mum set up & supervise an account for them, then quietly setting up another account which they actually use with their mates.

My 9yo ds got bored with FB about a year ago. That is, unless he's got an account I don't know about....

[bodygoingsouth]

pag don't think anyone is saying never say no to a child. I certainly don't.

but some posters are talking about young teens and even up to 16 and thinking it's ok to just ban things like FB etc.

my point is it's daft and lacy parenting to make the parent feel good/smug/ but it essentially doesn't teach safety, control, it doesn't educate the child and it's ultimately useless as they just go behind your back.

some people seem to see FB etc as the work of the devil and a gateway to bullying and paedophiles. it really isn't if used properly and that's what needs teaching.

[ashtrayheart]

I assume those who aren't allowed Facebook etc have fully supervised Internet access?
Facebook was never a problem here, but at 12 (with a laptop in the same room as us) dd was chatting to all sorts of perves on habbo hotel - I would never let a child of mine near that site again, fb is much safer with the right controls set and parental access to passwords.

[shebird]

What's wrong with allowing children time to be children? Do they really need all this social pressure at 10 years old. Ok so it's mostly innocent chatter but often friendship issues are exaggerated by online comments and there is added peer pressure to constantly be fun and cool.

[GinSoakedMisery]

I trust DS1 enough to not do it behind my back. And he won't, I know that much.

He uses the Internet, he has an iPhone, he has a tablet. He knows he isn't allowed FB or BBM. He texts his friends, he face times them, I'm not stopping him doing these.

I just don't see why he would need FB, he's only 10.

[ashtrayheart]

He has an iPhone and a tablet but he doesn't need Facebook cos he's only ten love it.