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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex H is going on honeymoon to the same place we went

62 replies

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 09/02/2014 15:44

We were together for 22 years, married for 16. We went for a 'holiday of a lifetime' for our honeymoon to the Maldives. It was lovely. We had talked about going back on our 25th anniversary.

But he left 2 1/2 years ago for the OW, who he married yesterday. The DSs tell me they are going on honeymoon to the Maldives. Hmm Confused

IABU to be a little bit... surprised that out of all of the holiday destinations in the world, they've chosen that one? I may be a little bitter, but even so, that is a bit odd, isn't it?

OP posts:
LoveBeingCantThinkOfAName · 09/02/2014 15:45

Odd that hes basically gone for your 25th anniversary, but bh just shows a lack of imagination

TSSDNCOP · 09/02/2014 15:47

Agree total lack of imagination.

Do you think she knows

LadyBeagleEyes · 09/02/2014 15:48

I was my ex's second wife, both honeymoons in York.
He's just got married again and guess where they honeymooned? Grin

WallyBantersJunkBox · 09/02/2014 15:49

Well there are hundreds of islands across the different atolls so it could be a different resort with a different feel? And it is a popular honeymoon destination....

But if it is the exact same resort -

Either he has a total lack of imagination or perhaps it's a slightly vindictive way to rub over your history and replace with OW's own.

Which sounds plenty insecure, doesn't it?

flowery · 09/02/2014 15:49

Perhaps she's always wanted to go there.
Perhaps he couldn't think of anywhere else exotic and special, knew he'd like it there so plumped for that.

oneearedrabbit · 09/02/2014 15:50

I share your pain EllenJane.
Myex left me after 16 years for the OW and guess where he took her for the first "public" date when he took her to meet his parents for the first time? yes, the only smart restaurant in the area where he had taken me for first expensive meal out 22 years before.
These men are so predictable.

Topaz25 · 09/02/2014 15:50

I can understand why the timing and location of his honeymoon would upset you but maybe it's just his favourite holiday destination and he wanted to go again. Even if this was planned in some way to get at you don't let it. Just be glad he's someone else's problem now.

Original poster
EllenJanesthickerknickers · 09/02/2014 15:51

Gosh, maybe she doesn't know! But half their wedding guests did. It's not like they've been holding themselves back on the holiday front. In the last 2 years they've been to Malaysia, Turkey, America (twice), Greece, South of France, skiing in Switzerland, Belgium, Lake District, Pembrokeshire.

OP posts:
Daykin · 09/02/2014 15:52

I met a couple on holiday who had stayed in the same hotel a couple of times before. The bloke said he had first been for his honeymoon - then revealed that it was with his 1st wife, not his 2nd wife who was sitting next to him at the time.
I was like this Smile on the outside and Shock on the inside. It was a nice but ordinary Spanish tourist hotel - nothing special. Weirdos. I felt sorry for the 2nd wife because she was still with the man who seemed crashingly insensitive.

Original poster
EllenJanesthickerknickers · 09/02/2014 15:54

I'm sure he hasn't thought of me at all, and it is an amazing honeymoon destination, but, even so...

I would never do it, not for a honeymoon. Surely he'll keep being reminded of the first time?

Then again, I would never had had an affair in the first place, so we are obviously more different from each other than I knew.

OP posts:
Preciousbane · 09/02/2014 15:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fantissue · 09/02/2014 15:57

The Maldives are an unbelievably popular honeymoon destination so I'm at a loss as to how it's surprising they're going there. I went there, my sister went there, her husband had been there in the past.

I bet they're also having cake too!

Original poster
EllenJanesthickerknickers · 09/02/2014 15:57

Surely the Seychelles or Bali or Caribbean would have been better? Mind you, it's her 4th wedding so maybe she was limited in destinations. Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
EllenJanesthickerknickers · 09/02/2014 15:58

Yes, I believe she is fond of wedding cake! Wink

OP posts:
Oldraver · 09/02/2014 16:08

Are you not tempted to say (in your head, not out loud) "oh the Maldives, you will so love it. We did"

lifesgreatquestions · 09/02/2014 16:11

It's awkward isn't it? My ex replicated our wedding, but I know it's the style he liked so while I was uncomfortable i'm fairly sure it's just how he liked to do things and not a comment on our time together.

HamletsSister · 09/02/2014 16:14

We used to run an hotel and this is surprisingly common. We used to have ex-wives ringing up to try to find out if HE had booked in to THEIR special place. I think some men just lack imagination or, more often, think of a location as belonging to them, rather than part of a couple's history.

Sparklysilversequins · 09/02/2014 16:19

This made me laugh. How tacky. I bet his new bride feels ^ever* so special.

Pregnantberry · 09/02/2014 16:24

It makes me wonder if she knows, because if I were her I would be concerned that he hadn't 'gotten over' you if he wanted to go on honeymoon there.

I am with a man who is divorced, and I would like to think we have quite a healthy relationship, and this kind of thing would just seem uncomfortable for both of us.

Innogen · 09/02/2014 16:25

I wouldn't worry about this at all.

He just likes the Maldives, and new wife does too. It's not that surprising that the two women who married him would have similar taste, is it?

somedizzywhore1804 · 09/02/2014 16:28

I do think some men lack any imagination or sensitivity. I went out with a guy who was always taking me to places or suggesting holidays he had been on with his ex wife just because, I suppose, he liked them. If I asked if it was somewhere he had been with her he would readily say yes and not see the problem. He was just an unimaginative soul with the sensitivity of a brick. I'd suggest your ex husband is the same! Wink

Wossname · 09/02/2014 16:29

They both sound lovely- affairs, multiple marriages- duplicate honeymoon sounds about the right level really Smile

Innogen · 09/02/2014 16:30

It's also very likely that the bloke just hasn't put two and two together.

IneedAwittierNickname · 09/02/2014 16:50

j

IneedAwittierNickname · 09/02/2014 16:50

Oops, sorry Blush no idea how or why I posted that!

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