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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex H is going on honeymoon to the same place we went

62 replies

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 09/02/2014 15:44

We were together for 22 years, married for 16. We went for a 'holiday of a lifetime' for our honeymoon to the Maldives. It was lovely. We had talked about going back on our 25th anniversary.

But he left 2 1/2 years ago for the OW, who he married yesterday. The DSs tell me they are going on honeymoon to the Maldives. Hmm Confused

IABU to be a little bit... surprised that out of all of the holiday destinations in the world, they've chosen that one? I may be a little bitter, but even so, that is a bit odd, isn't it?

OP posts:
todoaboutnothing · 09/02/2014 16:54

It's a bit tacky isn't it? I was once dating somebody who had been married and spoke about getting married in the same place etc... I called that one off quickly Grin

caruthers · 09/02/2014 17:50

My ex stayed in the same room as myself and my new wife when she got married again.

This was a vague hotel that wouldn't hit your radar and it wasn't a particularly posh one.

I found that really weird.

Badgerlady · 09/02/2014 17:54

My DH's ex -wife got remarried to the man she had an affair with in the same church that she married DH in. He was pleased she was remarrying but a bit Hmm about the venue.

Sparkletshirt · 09/02/2014 18:10

I'd have to restrain myself if that were me, I'd be saying "Bless, course when we had our honeymoon there exh wasn't quite so bald. Or quite so fat. Course, he doesn't have to pay so much maintenance now you've married him so that's something. Well, til you divorce again..." Hmm

Original poster
EllenJanesthickerknickers · 09/02/2014 18:21

It is a bit Hmm isn't it? I wonder as we both loved the Maldives so much, he wants to make it 'his and her place' now? I'm not fussed. I'm taking the opportunity of having the DC for the whole of half term to go to Gran Canaria for a week. Cheaper in Feb! Smile

OP posts:
Littleen · 09/02/2014 19:18

Men are just very weird :)

nkf · 09/02/2014 19:21

It's just lack of imagination probably. He can't think of anywhere else.

MuttonCadet · 09/02/2014 19:26

We specifically didn't go to a certain country because DH had previously honeymooned there.

She'd hated it, and it's somewhere I've always wanted to go, but even so, not on the honeymoon.

cashmiriana · 09/02/2014 19:56

My FIL has been married twice.

He'll never forget his wedding anniversary - it's the same date.

scantilymad · 09/02/2014 20:20

I don't think some men think that deeply about things. He probably thought "oh I had a lovely holiday there once, I fancy another

scantilymad · 09/02/2014 20:20

(dammit) ...one".

Topaz25 · 09/02/2014 22:21

Not quite the same thing but BIL has been engaged twice and had exactly the same red and black theme for both engagement parties, right down to using the fake flowers left over from the first party as table decorations for the second. I think in his case it was his personal taste and he didn't realise how it looked. Many guests noticed and commented (to each other not the couple). I don't know if his second fiancee picked up on it but they're no longer together.

fairylightsatchristmas · 09/02/2014 22:27

the Maldives (whilst still expensive) is much cheaper than the Seychelles, Mauritius etc and as others have said, it is an incredibly popular destination. I have been to some of the same places with DH2 as I did with DH1, because they are MY favourite places and yes, whilst I do inevitably spend a few wistful moments, I was with DH1 for 10 years and we went to a lot of places, I don't want all of them to be off limits now. DH2 knows if it is a place I've been before and I take care not to start every sentence with "when DH1 and I were here.." but otherwise, they're just places.

Original poster
EllenJanesthickerknickers · 09/02/2014 22:40

I wouldn't expect it to be 'off limits' but they do have a long haul holiday every year so why for their honeymoon?

OP posts:
Lambzig · 09/02/2014 22:45

I think I would find it funny, so little imagination. I bet she

Lambzig · 09/02/2014 22:45

Sorry that should say, I bet she doesn't know.

deakymom · 09/02/2014 22:48

well my ex took my clothing with him when he went i saw a picture of her in my dress their kids use my old pushchair (which his mom borrowed to use with my daughter and forgot to return) when i spoke to her on the phone once i did rub it in a little she was gushing about how great he was to her cooking her food etc i said spaghetti bolognaise? yes i taught him how to make that and x y z men are so predictable aren't they? (cue lots of fake laughing and she took the hint i did not want to listen to how SWEET how NICE etc just made me want to puke)

at least you know you got there first xx

Original poster
EllenJanesthickerknickers · 10/02/2014 17:00

He took your clothes?! Shock And she wore them? Shock Confused

OP posts:
oldgrandmama · 10/02/2014 17:13

You could always email/fax the hotel ... with a message for the exH, saying you hope he and the floozie new wife are having as lovely a time and you and he did on your honeymoon.
[sniggers evilly]

oldgrandmama · 10/02/2014 17:17

... as you and he did on your honeymoon.

deakmom, when I finally left the unfaithful shit after 20 years, and the OW moved in, she snaffled the clothes I'd not collected yet. Including a lovely designer coat. I'm still annoyed about that (nearly 30 years later).

RedToothBrush · 10/02/2014 17:37

Why would you be worried about this? It should be the other woman that should worry as he's obviously trying to recreate something. Doesn't it reflect the fact that you did have some happy times and memories? I personally don't think you can ever have the same magic going somewhere for a second time. Yes it can be good, but its never got that same shiny new feelings. She'll forever be living in your shadow and walking in your shoes. Forever wondering how she compares and whether he'll run off again.

WorraLiberty · 10/02/2014 17:41

Maybe the bride chose the honeymoon destination?

falulahthecat · 10/02/2014 17:50

This happened to me - only the Ex had stalked me after we broke up, (and 2 years after and whilst engaged to new person telling mutual friends I'd 'realise I made a mistake' and take him back) his new wife looked exactly like me (we hadn't married, only dated for 3 years) and the place was in Cornwall, somewhere that had been my favourite place since I was 8 and which he knows I want to live in one day.

It particularly upset me because he had his own 'childhood place' (Jersey) which he could've gone to (although he did take her there on our old 'anniversary' I'd since found out) and in the end I just had to comfort myself with the fact that he's too much of a 'homebody'/wet lettuce to use Brendan from coach trip's lovely phrase to actually move away.

My sister said that perhaps he just doesn't have any imagination, so I tell myself that, too ;p

falulahthecat · 10/02/2014 17:50

*stalked me and my friends, not even sneakily, would just go and stand next to me/them but not look at them or say anything. Then would park outside my house, so creepy. Urgh.

RedToothBrush · 10/02/2014 17:50

If the bride choose the destination, again I would say that obviously she has reason to feel pretty insecure... and feels the need to somehow compete.