Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Ex H is going on honeymoon to the same place we went

62 replies

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 09/02/2014 15:44

We were together for 22 years, married for 16. We went for a 'holiday of a lifetime' for our honeymoon to the Maldives. It was lovely. We had talked about going back on our 25th anniversary.

But he left 2 1/2 years ago for the OW, who he married yesterday. The DSs tell me they are going on honeymoon to the Maldives.

IABU to be a little bit... surprised that out of all of the holiday destinations in the world, they've chosen that one? I may be a little bitter, but even so, that is a bit odd, isn't it?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 10/02/2014 17:54

I don't know Red I think it's easy to read too much into things

She might be insecure of course

But equally she might just love the Maldives and is secure enough in her own choice to want to go there.

Either way, you're well shot of him OP. Enjoy your holiday with your kids

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 10/02/2014 18:14

Agree with Worra. I think that it's something that men would do - a holiday destination is just that, a house is jut a house - for a woman it usually means something.

I don't see that the new wife will be insecure, why would she be? She's married to somebody who was himself, married for a long time. He's demonstrated commitment really, hasn't he?

I'm sorry that you feel irked about it, try not to read anything into it because you can't know if there was any significance at all and, if you find out that there wasn't, it's not going to make you feel any better is it?

I winced a little bit at your list of their holiday destinations... why are you keeping track of them? You could have easily said, they holiday a lot... but you listed each and every destination and number of visits.

Enjoy your holiday with your DCs OP and let it go... I don't think you have.

Original poster

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 10/02/2014 18:37

Hmm, perhaps I'm a bit jealous of their lifestyle, Lying? They are child free for half of the time, she has her DS 50/50 while I have my DC for most of the time. I can't just swan off abroad without them as they do. I am probably a bit too invested in comparing our lives. I will get past it, though. I'm so, so much better than I was for the first year, when I lost 4 stone in weight. So much better that I've gained over a stone back.

OP posts:

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 10/02/2014 18:50

Won't your ex have them 50:50 with you, EllenJane?

Original poster

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 10/02/2014 18:57

TBH, if he did have them 50/50 I couldn't afford to pay the bills as the child maintenance would drop to virtually nothing. And I don't really want to only have them 50/50. DS2 has SN and already gets upset by the every other weekend arrangement. Contrary, eh? I am jealous of their lifestyle, but would still prefer to keep my DC all the time.

OP posts:

eggsandwich · 10/02/2014 18:59

Just remember he went with you first!! Second time around it won't be as exciting and new as he's already been, not sure if I was his new wife I'd be wanting to go to the same place that he went with his first wife, he must of really enjoyed it when he went with you to go back there again, maybe he's trying to recreate the same memories.

VikingLady · 10/02/2014 19:01

Perhaps he'd booked your anniversary holiday just before you split up (to get maximum discount) and couldn't cancel it, and doesn't want to waste it?

Far fetched, but anything else is weird!

paxtecum · 10/02/2014 19:01

Ellen: my XH went on honeymoon to a hotel that we had stayed at a few years earlier.

No imagination.

Love, your life is far richer than theirs because of your DCs.

(Though it may not seem like it at times)

dontcallmemam · 10/02/2014 19:02

It is a bit weird TBH. The Maldives are lovely but a bit dull and full of fawning honeymooners but so are lots of other places.
I'm imagining his holiday snaps DW on a palm fringed beach, wearing a sarong, holding a pink cocktail exactly the same as 16 years ago.

LaGuardia · 10/02/2014 19:03

My exH did exactly the same thing; took her on a road trip around the USA, basically wiping out all our memories. Twatticus Maximus.

Original poster

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 10/02/2014 19:13

I'm sure it won't be the same island, and maybe the new wife has always wanted to go there. But it still seems weird to me. I would love to go back, but not on my next honeymoon. Too many comparisons and memories.

I guess he's different to me, it's just a lovely holiday destination to him and he's wiped our time there from his mind. Time for him to make new memories, maybe, and I think this honeymoon had to be at least as good as ours.

OP posts:

nkf · 10/02/2014 20:19

My ex did something similar. I think many men (and probably women too) live a bit in the past. I used to be young, I used to do xx, I used to travel round India. And they just repeat unthinkingly the things they did in their youth. Lots of men seem to move on and recreate what they once had. Not what they had at the end of the first marriage, but what they had at the beginning when it was lovely. My ex used to lend his OW/now wife the same books he used to pretend he'd read when we were first together. The ones he thought he should have read and meant to read but somehow hadn't. Silly really.

Don't compare. Just live the best life you can.

Flip

1 2 3