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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this is just plain rude

65 replies

formerbabe · 25/12/2013 21:02

My Christmas guests have just left. I spent hundreds of pounds on food and drink and hours cooking it! I host every single year so its not like we take it in turns. My in laws didn't bring a single thing....not a bottle of wine/soft drink/chocolates/flowers. Literally empty handed and not a single offer of help with cooking/cleaning up.....

F. U. M. I. N. G.

OP posts:

drivingmisslazy · 25/12/2013 21:03

YANBU

thehouseoflego · 25/12/2013 21:04

It's not plain rude it's fucking rude!!!!

Livid for you

NinjaBunny · 25/12/2013 21:04

Quiet one next year then?

Twoandtwomakeschaos · 25/12/2013 21:04

Why do you keep hosting it?

Bowlersarm · 25/12/2013 21:04

YANBU

Miserly buggers.

YouTheCat · 25/12/2013 21:05

Don't offer next year then. Little point fuming about it now, after it's happened.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 25/12/2013 21:05

Stop doing it.

Seriously, just stop. Around July/August slip into conversation that you are having a quiet xmas.

Pancakeflipper · 25/12/2013 21:05

I will be you tomorrow.
But next year it will be different. I am going to grow some balls.

junkfoodaddict · 25/12/2013 21:06

Next time do what we do and our friends do: Bring a bottle and/or plate of food.
If the next time some don't either don't host it or don't invite.

Original poster

formerbabe · 25/12/2013 21:06

I have the biggest house out of everyone I'm afraid. They did say they can't wait till next year as it was so nice!!! Oh lordy

OP posts:

issey6cats · 25/12/2013 21:06

thats guests for you i had a last minute guest as i only found out yesterday that she would be on her own today so invited her, she turned up late, didnt like the sort of pate i had for starter, only had a tiny dinner when there was loads of food then turned her nose up at the 3 different deserts and her, my sons, and daughter in law all sat there and didnt help with the washing up, so seems to be par for the course but we had a good afternoon anyway so i didnt let it get to me,

Jaynebxl · 25/12/2013 21:07

What does your DH say about it? Presumably you will have other plans next year.

usualsuspect · 25/12/2013 21:07

Ask them to help.

Ask them to bring something.

Madamecastafiore · 25/12/2013 21:08

This is why we are alone this Christmas.

Never again.

Next year don't do it. It is liberating.

Mind you I have new baby this year so good excuse. Have to just tell it straight next year which is going to cause ripples!

I really feel for you. I had 20 Marlboro lights and half a bottle if yin in the garden last time they came!

YouTheCat · 25/12/2013 21:08

Issey, doesn't that just tell you why she was going to be spending it alone?

Former, it doesn't matter that you have the biggest house for hosting, if they are downright rude and unhelpful, then tell them they can make their own arrangements next year.

Grumblelion · 25/12/2013 21:09

YANBU - if you do host next year, split up the meal so they have responsibility for something, be it desserts or alcohol and ask them straight out to bring it.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 25/12/2013 21:10

Don't do it next year. Stop being a Christmas martyr!

And YANBU they are bloody rude.

Original poster

formerbabe · 25/12/2013 21:11

Oh and best bit...whilst I am dishing up, one of them stands next to me and asks if I can top up her drink...bottle was next to her! I said my hands were full.

Oh and as for my dh...he won't have a word said against his family! Perfectly happy to slate mine though!!

OP posts:

IceNoSlice · 25/12/2013 21:11

YANBU, bloody rude.

However you need to pipe up and not take this doormat treatment next time. Tell them what they're bringing I'd you have to.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 25/12/2013 21:13

So why do you tolerate it year after year?

TheBuskersDog · 25/12/2013 21:17

Just because you have a big house doesn't mean you have to fill it with relations, you don't all have to go to anyone else's, you don't all have to spend the day together, in fact reading a few threads on here the people who just spend the day with their partner and children generally seem most happy and relaxed about their day.

Original poster

formerbabe · 25/12/2013 21:20

I put up with it mainly for my kids...they love having the family round!

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 25/12/2013 21:24

I bet they'd love having a non-stressed mum who has time to relax with them and play games too though?

Why do all this on Christmas day and make yourself miserable and angry? Suggest a buffet at yours on Boxing Day next year and insist everyone brings some food.

Best of both worlds, without all the unnecessary fuss.

Pimpf · 25/12/2013 21:25

Then stop hosting it. Just because your house is big enough doesn't mean you have to do it. Just because your kids like it doesn't mean you have to do it.

Stop being a martyr.

You have a couple of options, tell them now that you won't be hosting next year, or tell them that you're happy to host but give them a list of things that they will need to bring with them. Wen they arrive, give them specific jobs to do.

My mum used to hold a do each year and moan about it to me, I told her what I've said above, she's finally stopped doing it and running around after everyone and they're all still talking to her, no major problems

Original poster

formerbabe · 25/12/2013 21:26

Youthecat....I am doing a buffet tomorrow! :-(

OP posts:

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