Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off with dh's presents

53 replies

Christelle2207 · 25/12/2013 16:35

I only asked for two things. Specific Cardigan and slippers. Told him at the beginning of December yet he didn't do anything till last week when both sold out in my size. Cardigan came in size 8 "just in case it fitted"( it didn't) and no slippers at all (and I really need some if not the requested ones.) Got some other bits but nothing I really wanted. Meanwhile he had a list of 9 things and got each one.
Aibu to be a bit pissed off and tell him? He's usually good with presents tbf. We did have a baby this year so difficult to get out but both could have been ordered easily online from the same shop.

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 25/12/2013 16:38

Yes, tell him when you can be unemotional and clear so it doesn't happen again

craftynclothy · 25/12/2013 16:38

Yanbu. Dh didn't buy either of the 2 main things I wanted or anything from my Amazon wishlist. Apparently he thought "that wouldn't be a surprise". Luckily I did like/want the stuff he got me but Confused by his logic.

edamsavestheday · 25/12/2013 16:38

Tell him, in case he's too dense to realise. Sorry he's let you down.

HairyGrotter · 25/12/2013 16:40

Gifts are gifts. You are an adult, buy those things yourself. It's horrendous the amount of 'issue' people have about presents, surely it's about a token and a symbol of 'thought'

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 25/12/2013 16:49

agree with hairy. DP and I got nothing from each other!

Upcycled · 25/12/2013 16:52

YABU
Instead of buying him things of his list buy your own things yourself and he buys his.
So maybe you can give each other a small token to unwrap on the day if this is important, and surprise each other.
I really don't get it when adults sulk over presents and gift lists, this is ridiculous.

Get the receipt of cardigan and swap for something else tomorrow.
Buy your own sleepers.
Simple.

iwouldgoouttonight · 25/12/2013 16:55

Also agree with Hairy i'm afraid. If I was going to give a list of specific things for DP to buy me I'd rather just go out and buy them myself. Would much rather have a gift from him that he'd chosen himself even if I didn't like it as much. We don't bother with Christmas presents for each other but he bought me several little things for my birthday, one is a book that I hasn't thought about but I think I'll really enjoy, one is jewellery which i'm not hugely keen on but its a token and the thought that counts.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 25/12/2013 16:57

and does it even count as gift if you chose it yourself? wouldgoout is right, there's no thought in that...

RedToothBrush · 25/12/2013 16:58

YABU

If you've ever given a gift with thought and love and had it rejected you'd understand. Its so difficult to predict how quickly something will sell out. Its clear he at least tried.

You are being precious and tbh a bit spoilt.

sittingbythefairylights · 25/12/2013 17:03

I had a wobble earlier, and felt so guilty afterwards. Was actually really looking forward to my present, which we'd discussed a few weeks ago. Turns out he bought something else, as he didn't like it - other present is nice, but not the same. Also, red, scratchy, lacy HANDWASH ONLY knickers and bra. Hmmmmm.

Was torn between keeping quiet and risking another drawer full of scratchy undies next year (how may times do I have to tell him!), or accepting my present in good humour.

Not going to say or ask for anything next year. Far easier to have lovely treats and surprises.

Theas18 · 25/12/2013 17:06

Yabu. Get over it.

Buy your own pressies if you are that particular or he's hopeless. The latter doesn't reflect on your relationship/ how much he loves you - dome people just are bad at buying gifts.

TinselTaTas · 25/12/2013 17:10

YNBU Christmas is also a time when you receive gifts you would have otherwise bought for yourself. Why should you always have things you don't want?

I had a list as requested by dh, I gave him a list and he gave me his we agreed a budget and both knew we'd get something on the list we wanted but didn't know what the other would've chosen.

I got nothing on my list, I got 1 gift which was nice but something I don't need nor will use. He got most of his list.

I'm not ungrateful, but was under the impression that given out conversation earlier I'd have something I wanted, tomorrow I will get them myself.

It's not unreasonable to be upset by the thoughtlessness of someone who says they love you. Christmas is the same date every year we all know when it's coming..get organised!!

Original poster
Christelle2207 · 25/12/2013 17:17

Well maybe i'll do away with a list next year and see what happens- but given how stressed out we've been with the baby we both agreed lists would be helpful. Buying the stuff myself not an option as i am on statutory mat pay so only buy stuff i actually need these days not treats.

OP posts:
Original poster
Christelle2207 · 25/12/2013 17:20

Also he is so particular and interested in stuff i know nothing about i have no hope of getting what he wants unless he tells me what it is

OP posts:
TheDoctrineOfSanta · 25/12/2013 17:22

OP, do you and he both have the same amount of spending money after bills etc?

RedToothBrush · 25/12/2013 17:28

Christelle2207 Wed 25-Dec-13 17:20:24
Also he is so particular and interested in stuff i know nothing about i have no hope of getting what he wants unless he tells me what it is

So? I have that problem. I still make an effort. And still try and get a surprise.

To be honest, I think it smacks more about a general lack of two way communication within your relationship, rather than your partner being particularly useless.

Don't sweat it. He tried. He got it wrong. It doesn't mean he doesn't care. You need more than an inability to buy presents to decide that.

Maybe there is a background story here. Maybe there isn't. I think the context of it means more than the actions.

Original poster
Christelle2207 · 25/12/2013 17:34

Doctrine- usually yes but at the moment no because im on smp. Usually everything split down the middle but currently he pays all the bills. We agreed a budget of 150 each.
As i said he is usually fine and gets thoughtful surprises I think just stressed having to deal with both baby and working ft.

OP posts:
Iris445 · 25/12/2013 17:39

Really it's all a bit odd, you spend £150, I spend £150, why didn't you just buy them?

You gave him a list of what you wanted...you could have just ordered them and handed them to him.

That way you are super happy at Christmas. I always order my own gifts, I don't want a suprise I know exactly what I want!

TheDoctrineOfSanta · 25/12/2013 17:39

Christine

You are on SMP after having a baby that's 50% his. So any left over money after bills needs to be split equally.

Original poster
Christelle2207 · 25/12/2013 18:05

Not sure how thats relevant as we both spent the agreed budget. Next year i will be earning again though so can buy the stuff i want myself (i could have afforded to anyway but chose not to as not earning). Hopefully next year we'll both have the energy to find each other nice surprises tooGrin

OP posts:
cardibach · 25/12/2013 18:35

I think Christmas lists are a bit boring tbh. You should each try to surprise each other with something lovely that is also unexpected. Far more in the Christmas spirit.

clam · 25/12/2013 18:40

Of course it's the thought that counts. But I'm struggling to see just how much thought the op's partner has put into this one.

TheDoctrineOfSanta · 25/12/2013 18:40

Just worried as you said you couldn't buy the stuff yourself as you were on SMP - if you are both in the same position with respect to spends during this period, that sounds fairer.

YouTheCat · 25/12/2013 18:41

How does having a baby mean you can't have a mooch about online and find something? Confused how that would impact tbh.

We make general suggestions and then use our brains to come up with stuff that is thoughtful.

Maybe your dh thought a cardigan and slippers was too middle-aged? Grin

Just enjoy what you have and be grateful.

HairyGrotter · 25/12/2013 18:42

I don't get the whole Christmas list thing, I'm 32, I work, I earn money, I buy what I need as and when. I'd not want to give my DP a list and I would dislike it if he did that to me, too.

No romance, no thought, no surprise, no pleasure other than sating my consumeristic desire, which is a grotesque thing.

Obviously this is merely MY opinion but I'm losing faith in humanity with the amount of ungrateful, spoilt jebends knocking about