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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off with dh's presents

53 replies

Christelle2207 · 25/12/2013 16:35

I only asked for two things. Specific Cardigan and slippers. Told him at the beginning of December yet he didn't do anything till last week when both sold out in my size. Cardigan came in size 8 "just in case it fitted"( it didn't) and no slippers at all (and I really need some if not the requested ones.) Got some other bits but nothing I really wanted. Meanwhile he had a list of 9 things and got each one.
Aibu to be a bit pissed off and tell him? He's usually good with presents tbf. We did have a baby this year so difficult to get out but both could have been ordered easily online from the same shop.

OP posts:
TheDoctrineOfSanta · 25/12/2013 18:43

But HG, OP and her H agreed to do this - if he'd said "don't give me a list, I'll surprise you" then fair enough.

HairyGrotter · 25/12/2013 18:46

Yes, I read that...I still think the OP is coming across as spoilt

Original poster
Christelle2207 · 25/12/2013 18:50

To be fair he did get me some other things- I just wish he'd got himself organised a bit sooner to get the two things that i mentioned given that i duly got him everything he wanted (though none of these were the kinds of things that sell out close to christmas). Fully appreciate that lists aren't for everyone but they usually work well for us. Anyway we have in the main had a nice christmas with a lovely baby (last christmas thought i was miscarrying) so a lot to be thankful for.Wink

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Original poster
Christelle2207 · 25/12/2013 18:50

To be fair he did get me some other things- I just wish he'd got himself organised a bit sooner to get the two things that i mentioned given that i duly got him everything he wanted (though none of these were the kinds of things that sell out close to christmas). Fully appreciate that lists aren't for everyone but they usually work well for us. Anyway we have in the main had a nice christmas with a lovely baby (last christmas thought i was miscarrying) so a lot to be thankful for.Wink

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VampyreofTimeandMemory · 25/12/2013 18:51

I can't understand why gifts to/from partners is so important tbh, bit materialistic, who really gives a shit? But maybe that's because we're not really in a position to be spending loadsa money on one another!

Caitlin17 · 25/12/2013 19:03

I'm 54 and until I started reading threads on here mentioning Christmas lists I'd never heard of such things.

The first one was someone complaining about an item on a list given by her sil, not the fact a list had been given (which just boggled my mind) but just one item. And then more of you mentioned "lists" as if they were normal.

And as for a list between 2 half's of a couple? ? Even more boggling.

Finally, if you want something as utilitarian as slippers why not just buy them yourself?

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 25/12/2013 19:10

plus, it seems to do more harm than good from what I've seen on here. 'Lists' just sounds so greedy.

IWillOnlyEatBeans · 25/12/2013 19:24

I think YANBU.

When I was working full time and had lots of disposable income I bought whatever I needed and loved getting surprise gifts.
Now I am a SAHM and money is fairly tight so I like writing a list and get really excited about receiving what is on it! I don't give a list to my husband as we tend not to buy for each other, but I do give a list to my mum and she passes this on to whoever else wants to buy me something.

I would have been disappointed in your shoes OP, but like you, would have got on with Christmas without letting il spoil my day!

GoldfishCrackers · 25/12/2013 19:32

Are you saying he has more disposable income than you, now that you're on SMP? And then you both have to spend £150 on each other? That doesn't sound very fair. If you can't afford to buy non-necessary items, I can see why you'd been counting on the things from your list.

Original poster
Christelle2207 · 25/12/2013 19:56

Thats right but to be fair we both have reasonable savings. Since i had the baby i have hardly bought any non-essential treats for myself. Not because we're struggling but because baby and saving for his future seem far more important. He's bought lots of stuff for himself though (which is fine with me as he works hard and consults about big spends). He asked me what i wanted - I named two items (neither very expensive) therefore i didnt think i was BU to be disappointed i didnt get either. BUT the size 8 cardigan will be exchanged for one or two things i fancy in the sales im sure.
For those that say im acting like a spoilt brat, thanks for your opinion I appreciate it, always helpful to get a balanced view which is why I came on here in the first place.

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GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 25/12/2013 20:13

I think it's a bit worrying that you don't ever but yourself anything and he buys himself plenty throughout the year too. You have a baby together so you should each have the same amount of money. Regardless of you being fine with it, he works hard consulting and you work hard being a parent. If things were always split equally, perhaps this present business wouldn't matter so much to you?

aquashiv · 25/12/2013 20:23

Yanbu
get yourself to the sales and buy some fabulous gifts tomake up for it.

Original poster
Christelle2207 · 25/12/2013 20:25

Youre probably right there. He would not really notice let alone say anything if i did buy stuff for myself even if (as going on joint credit card) he'd probably end up paying for it. I think i probably need to treat myself more and just buy what i want when i see it. I dont get the aversion to lists though- everyone in our families says what they want and in most cases it works out well and everyone's happy. Didnt we all have lists as children? Granted, a bit of creativity on all sides would be nice.

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IWillOnlyEatBeans · 25/12/2013 20:38

Im a big fan of lists too. The only thing I am not keen on is requests for money... My bil always asks for money as he likes to pool it and buy expensive clothes but it always makes me a bit uncomfortable, particularly when they have loads more money than us anyway!

IWillOnlyEatBeans · 25/12/2013 20:38

Im a big fan of lists too. The only thing I am not keen on is requests for money... My bil always asks for money as he likes to pool it and buy expensive clothes but it always makes me a bit uncomfortable, particularly when they have loads more money than us anyway!

fatlazymummy · 25/12/2013 21:15

I like lists as well. People aren't mindreaders. I ask my children what they would like, and they ask me. Same thing when I had a partner.
I don't see the point in spending money on things that the other person may not want or need. As for adults wanting 'surprises' - that's really odd to me.

ICanSeeTheSeaFromHere · 25/12/2013 21:20

My husband bought me a garden center voucher... a bloody garden center voucher! He wrapped it up inside a trifle bowl. I kid you not.

MiniTheMinxLovesMinxPies · 25/12/2013 21:24

We don't make or take lists here, people get what they are given and get excited, its a surprise!

valiumredhead · 25/12/2013 21:32

Neither of us could think straight for at least a year after having ds, we were lucky if we left the house with matching shoes, choosing presents would have been trickyGrin

I agree with hairy, just buy some slippers if you need them! He got it wrong, its no biggy, it's not a reflection of how much he loves you.

AllIWant85 · 25/12/2013 21:36

I didn't even get a card :(

Ladyglamalot · 25/12/2013 21:40

Yabu-dh gave me money as I did'nt tell him what I wantedHmm I am very easy to buy for-love perfume,make up,smellies etc,
He then did a lot of passive aggressive sighing on the phone to bil as he only got aftershave and chocs and bil gots loads of stuff. Yeah bil got aftershave, books,dvds,slippers etc-all stuff dh turns his nose up atAngry

He loves to make me feel shit about presents-sahm with only cb to my name. Prick.

Motherinlawsdung · 25/12/2013 21:49

I see your garden centre vouchers and I raise you: three books from a charity shop, in a plastic bag.

valiumredhead · 25/12/2013 22:01

Dh and I don't do presents at xmas but we do choose really nice cards. Earlier in the year he bought me a plant for the garden it was called the same name as mine, made me quite teary as it was unexpectedSmile

I am charity shop queen but I would batter Dh with books if he hadn't at least wrapped them!Shock

valiumredhead · 25/12/2013 22:03

Lady-I'd surprise him with divorce papers, all wrapped up with a bow.

Original poster
Christelle2207 · 25/12/2013 22:17

Lol at the garden centre vouchers! Now had good chat with dh, he apologises, acknowledges general exhaustion as a reason for his crapness and has promised to do better next year as well as look after the baby while i hit the salesGrin

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