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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry that ex spent half my maintenance

35 replies

WearingAnUmbrellaHat · 30/10/2013 20:18

Ex has paid no maintenance in a year. He recently offered to pay £100 every time he is paid after a job as he is self employed. He owes me £200 and today was supposed to give the first £100. He handed over £52 plus a receipt for £48 of clothing after he claimed that Ds clothes were too small and dirty.

I am furious as the money is to be spent how I choose and is another example of his controlling behaviour. DS did not need new clothes btw.

what do you think? AIBU to be furious?

OP posts:
Onebuddhaisnotenough · 30/10/2013 20:20

Dick.

catsmother · 30/10/2013 20:28

Has he given you the clothes as well ? I don't suppose you can take them back ? (not that you should have to)

IsThatTrue · 30/10/2013 20:29

dick

^^ this

ChasedByZombees · 30/10/2013 20:29

Arse

UserError · 30/10/2013 20:34

Wankbiscuit. Total wankbiscuit.

HowardTJMoon · 30/10/2013 20:39

He hasn't spent £48 of your child's maintenance, he's just chosen to spend £48 of his own money on his own child. Fair enough, that's what parents do. He still owes you £148 of maintenance.

I'd post the receipt back to him with a note saying "Dunno why you gave me this, it's nothing to do with me. When are you going to give me the £148 you owe in unpaid child maintenance?"

Thatisall · 30/10/2013 20:40

Argh I think if he's going to play silly beggars, you may have to involve the CSA.
:-(

DrCoconut · 30/10/2013 21:12

Surely if he's bought clothes it's saved you money? Otherwise he'd be asking you to provide them?

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 30/10/2013 21:17

I don't see what he has done wrong.

the money is for the child, and if the child needed clothing then the father did the right thing.

Original poster
WearingAnUmbrellaHat · 30/10/2013 21:22

To top it off, DS came in holding the money saying his dad had said it was his. So therefore, that would mean that DS has paid for his own clothes.

OP posts:
YoniMatopoeia · 30/10/2013 21:23

YANBU. Maintenance is for the resident parent to support the child. If he wants to get extra clothes then he can do that from his money.

TooTabooToBOOOOO · 30/10/2013 21:25

A friend used to get her maintenance by cheque in the post. The total always had the cost of the stamp deducted from it.

I thank god ex and I are on good terms.

deepfriedsage · 30/10/2013 21:25

Yep a Dick.

My ex used cm on his wives business adventure. I had to see the bastards sponsored ad on my fb today. All I thought is dc are suffering for that business.

TooTabooToBOOOOO · 30/10/2013 21:26

pressed too soon.

Ex will hand me maintenance money and ask if DS is ok for nappies. Turns up with clothes/toys. Offers to buy essentials.

I don't like to rely on him for stuff so normally say that I'll go halves with him (eg DS needs a snowsuit for winter, then the bigger picture of the next stage car seat)

basgetti · 30/10/2013 21:26

YANBU. He has no right to unilaterally spend money you were no doubt relying on and maybe even had earmarked for other things.

And he hasn't saved the OP money since she clearly stated that her DS doesn't need new clothes. He has spent her money.

imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 30/10/2013 21:28

He's a Dick! My ex gave me a bag of his step-sons cast offs last week. He then said he wouldn't give me any maintenance this month as ds1 wouldn't need any new clothes Angry

YoureBeingAnAnyFuckerFan · 30/10/2013 21:33

I agree he is a dick. The person the child lives with is in the best place to decide what the child needs at that moment in time, he may be in more need of school shoes and coat than clothes and this man spending the cm on clothes he doesnt need could mean there is no money to buy much needed winter coat and shoes (can you tell my ds has gone through his school shoes already? Grin)

deepfriedsage · 30/10/2013 21:35

Take the clothes back for a refund?

Original poster
WearingAnUmbrellaHat · 30/10/2013 21:35

I will never be able to rely on him for money now as he is self employed. I have decided to see any payments he deigns to give me as bonuses. The clothes weren't even to DS's taste either which shows how little he knows him. For example, there were two pairs of jeans. DS never wears jeans as he says they are uncomfortable. He lives in combats, jogging bottoms and shorts in the summer. There was also a horrible shirt which he would never wear, he only likes tshirts.

OP posts:
Original poster
WearingAnUmbrellaHat · 30/10/2013 21:37

Sadly, the clothes e were bought on a card. One of the pairs of jeans has a tag on. Would it be worth trying and taking them back and asking for a credit slip. Could say they were an unwanted gift?

OP posts:
YoureBeingAnAnyFuckerFan · 30/10/2013 21:40

I was talking with my neighbour recently and she was whinging about her dp's ex kicking off because her dp hadnt paid any CM. neighbour justified this by saying "she's got a cheek, he took the dcs out last week and bought them both a game for the PS3 game at £50 each and she expects CM on top of that? Huh. Greedy bitch" Hmm

deepfriedsage · 30/10/2013 21:40

Yes they were an unwanted, not exactly a gift. At least get him clothes he will wear, in the next size up.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 30/10/2013 21:42

That rubbish, so he spends 1/2 money on crap DS will not wear.

TwattyBojangles · 30/10/2013 21:52

That is appalling. Child maintenance is not just there to cover clothes, it's to help with costs of living eg food, etc. YADefinitelyNBU. Would CSA be able to help?

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 30/10/2013 21:54

twatty, CSA is worked out by earnings.

if he isn't 'earning' then it will be a zero calculation.

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